Today is our Springboard for Fun. I usually interpret that to mean funny. The following video isn’t funny. It’s crazy. You’ll be amazed what this guy can do on a bike. I’ve watched it over and over again because I’m so amazed.
Thanks to Bill Seaver at microexplosion.com for putting me on to this one.
Enjoy!
(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam met the coach. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)
“First, we have to start with PASSION.”
“I think I have that one down,” Sam interrupted. “This goes along with what the PROFESSOR taught me. She said she was stepping on your field a little bit. PASSION means doing what I am PASSIONATE about, what I enjoy and can really get into. It makes sense to teach this while we talk about motivation as well. After all, it’s a lot easier to be motivated doing something you love than something you hate.”
“Allow me to illustrate,” the COACH added. “When I started off in college, I was majoring in Business and Marketing. My plan was to make big money in some Fortune 500 company. I had it all mapped out. You may love that sort of thing Sam, however, about half way through my junior year, I realized I hated what I was doing. That explained why I was always on the verge of getting failed for missing too many classes and why I started getting low C’s when I was usually a pretty solid A and B student. I was talking to an older friend of mine who worked as a high paid accountant for a local company. I asked him how he liked his job. He said, ‘I hate it. But it keeps the family fed.’ He looked miserable. In that moment, I decided I didn’t want to live like him.
“Getting to where I am now was a bit of a journey but this is where I SHOULD be. Most days, I can’t wait to get to work. It’s more like playing than work to me. I love what I do. I love the practices, the games and I love working with the kids. I feel like I’m making a difference in their lives. Sure, there are some down days. But most of the time, being motivated comes naturally because I absolutely love what I do. I have PASSION.
“One of the areas where PASSION is most helpful is in accomplishing those self-discipline habits that are so easy to overlook for a few days and then stop completely. I love to exercise and I love to be healthy. I start most days with running, swimming or something to get my heart pumping. That’s easy for me ‘cause I’m PASSIONATE about exercise and health.
“My sister, on the other hand, hates exercise. I helped her get started running. She got so upset, wondering when it would be fun, natural or easy like the running magazines said it would. As I was helping her get into the habit I tried everything. I tried systems of rewards and punishments. I tried getting her to read about healthy people and unhealthy people and what their lives are like when they’re older. I tried guilt. I tried praise.
“Then one night she had me and my family over for dinner. I was in a slightly grumpy mood over issues at the school. Therefore, regrettably I was being a little short about everything. As usual, the issue of the kids growing quickly came up and she said something about her seven year old’s graduation being just around the corner. Without any real intention of trying to impact her health and mostly because I was irritated anyway I somewhat caustically said, ‘I hope you’re still around for it.’
“The conversation that ensued was life-changing for her. For all we had tried, she never made the connection between her health and her relationship with her children. If she is not PASSIONATE about her health or exercise, she is extremely PASSIONATE about her family. When she made that connection, the PASSION for health and exercise was suddenly in place. She can’t run circles around me, but she’s sure trying.
“Work to tie those pesky habits of self-discipline about which you can hardly be PASSIONATE to something about which you are PASSIONATE. Then be amazed at how much easier those issues become.”
“That’s powerful,” Sam replied. “I’ve never thought about that before. The health and kid thing, that is. Maybe all of this is going to help me with more than just my financial life.”
“Let me explain the other benefit of PASSION. Not only does it help you get up in the morning, it also helps you strive for excellence. There are coaches who are just making a paycheck. They played football in high school and thought it would be an easy job. You can tell their teams; they have the losing records. The ones with PASSION push that extra mile. Since they are so PASSIONATE about what they do, they want to be the best they can possibly be. Good enough is never good enough for the PASSIONATE. They don’t settle for minimum job requirements. They go above and beyond for the sake of their PASSION.
“If you’re going to Make the PLAY, Sam, you’ve got to have PASSION.”
“PASSION. Got it,” Sam responded.
“Listen, I have some exercises for you to work through this week,” the COACH said handing Sam a piece of paper.
“Why am I not surprised?” Sam asked as he looked at it.
(Come back next Thursday when the coach teaches Sam to Look to the Future.)
This post does contain affiliate links.
OOOPS! Two weeks ago I started a two part article on laying a foundation so our kids will know what to do when they messed up and totally forgot to post part 2 last Tuesday for the Springboard for Your Family. Sorry about that. I hope all of you who showed up last Tuesday for this second part will forgive me and accept today’s posting in penance.
We’ve already learned that we aren’t going to raise the next Jesus. Our kids will not be perfect. If we keep training them in perfection, we are only going to increase their toxic shame when they come face to face with how imperfect they are. Instead, we need to lay a foundation for what to do when they realize how imperfect they are.
In the last installment of this series, we learned…
Here are 4 more keys.
5. Don’t lecture and browbeat.
I’m writing this point for me more than for you. This is my discipline method of choice when I’m just running in natural mode. My kids do something wrong and out comes the lecturer. I don’t know how many times Marita has had to say, “You just don’t know how you sound when you talk like that.”
This form of discipline says I’m going to harshly talk my way into your heart and browbeat you into submission on everything I say about this. It will brook no disagreements. It will allow no responses. It will simply keep hammering away at you until you are whimpering out a “Yes Sir.”
I’m certainly convinced that when I get into that mode, my point is correct. The problem is I’ve never gotten anyone to agree with me when I take that approach, especially not my children. Rather, what I do with each harsh statement, with each shaming name, with each verbal barrage is teach my kids to take their medicine and get to the “Yes Sir” so they can escape. They haven’t learned anything. They haven’t agreed. They haven’t change. I’ve simply vented my spleen on them, made them feel small, and sent them on their way.
There is certainly time for talking. But lecturing and browbeating doesn’t work very often. It may produce a momentary submission, but it doesn’t help the child know how to really deal with sin.
6. Let them know God can overcome sin when they can’t.
I remember one time with Tessa that I so wish I could take back. She was in trouble for mistreating her brother and she said, “I try, Dad, I really do. I just can’t seem to help myself.” Back then, in my spiritual immaturity, I said, “You can do it. You just don’t really want to. You need to try harder.” The problem was at the time I was telling myself that exact same thing about the sins I was trying to overcome and it wasn’t working for me. Why would I expect it to work for her? Sadly, this is the approach Christians take all too often with everything.
Since then I’ve learned that I can’t overcome my sins on my own (cf. Romans 7:14-25). But God can. If I’ll just turn my life over to Him completely, Jesus Christ will conquer my sins through me. That is the message I needed to convey and am now trying to convey to my kids. Tessa is absolutely right. She can’t overcome the sin that she has honed to a “nature of wrath.” But God can. God has promised to free her from that sin if she’ll simply turn her life over to Him every day.
Don’t simply tell your kids to try harder. Don’t simply tell them to choose better. Tell them to turn to God to overcome. Let them know God’s plan for forgiveness and victory over sin.
7. When they actually talk, let them do so without fear of reprisal.
I certainly struggle with this. I do believe that even when people admit what they did was wrong, sometimes there still needs to be disciplinary measures taken.
However, at the same time, our kids need to know they can come let us know what they did when they sinned. Trust me, if our kids think the only response they’ll get when they admit their sin to us is a lecture and a spanking, they are not likely to let us know what they did-even if they are scared, penitent, remorseful. They’ll either internalize it or they’ll go to their peers. As we said in part 1, they won’t get good help from their peers.
Our children need to know that we know they’ll make mistakes and when they come to us with penitence, we’ll forgive them and help them overcome.
Allow me to share one approach that has worked for us on occasion. When one of our children penitently admits to doing something wrong, we thank them for their honesty. Then we talk through why they sinned. We talk about the natural consequences of the sin. If this was a violation of a rule for which we believe discipline is necessary we then talk with them about what they think is a fair discipline considering what they did and where they are mentally and emotionally with the sin. I’ve been amazed how maturely our children handle the discipline even in these situations.
8. Always reaffirm your love for your children.
I don’t care what your children did or what kind of disciplinary measures you have had to take. Always reaffirm your love for your child. This is not a codependent spluttering apology because you are afraid your child won’t love you because of the discipline. If that is what you are doing, refer back to point one in the first article.
Your children need to know you love them. They don’t just need to hear that when they’ve done good things. They need to hear that all the time. They need to know you are proud of them all the time. They need to know you are glad they are in the family all the time.
When they say things that have shocked you, let them know you love them. When they have embarrassed you, let them know you love them. When they mess up big, let them know you love them. When they are behaving properly, let them know you love them.
Do not do this in an aren’t-you-lucky-I’m-so-loving way. Just let them know that you love them.
I certainly don’t think there is a fail-proof way to parent. All too often I get caught up in my own crazy making of wondering how my kids are going to turn out. Some days I think they’ll be wonderful. Other days I think I’m ruining them. However, I’m convinced they won’t be perfect. When they aren’t, they need to know they can come to me and find the help and support they need to overcome.
In Matthew 25:14-30, the master gave talents to his three servants. One of them received only one talent and he was filled with fear. He wasn’t sure he could accomplish anything with the one talent, so he didn’t try anything. When the master returned, the slave tried to explain that really he was doing the master a favor. He could have messed up and lost the talent, but instead he had saved it for him. The master judged the slave.
Too often we have the same problem today. We are so afraid we are going to fail in serving God, do something wrong, mess up and cause more harm than good that we don’t ever do anything. We go through so many excuses about why so many things won’t work that we never work. Guess what. That doesn’t work.
Don’t be afraid to fail. At least do something. Maybe you will fail, but if you don’t ever do anything you know God will judge you for sure.
Remember, God works when His people work. Abandon your fears and get to work.
It’s Friday, a day for some fun. Recently my family has discovered a love for “I Love Lucy.” This is one of my favorite clips. It’s a little lengthy, but if you need a good laugh today, this is the clip for you.
As always, Lucy was figuring out a way to make it into Ricky’s show. In this episode, she figured out how to be in a television ad for Vitameatavegamin. However, what she didn’t know is it was made up of 23% alcohol. As she has to repeat the commercial over and over again things get funnier and funnier.
Enjoy!
(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned “You SHALL Prioritize” If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)
Sam had a great week. He began by sitting down with his 17 year old son, Scott.
“Son, I want to talk to you about college…”
“Look, Dad,” Scott interjected, “I’m tired of arguing about this with you. I wish you’d just leave me alone about it. I don’t want to go to your school and I’m not sure I even want to go to school period.”
Sam took a deep, steadying breath, and said, “I know, and that’s okay with me.”
“What!?” Scott said with a double take at his dad. Then with a knowing smile, “Okay Dad, what self-help, get what you want out of your kids, parenting book are you trying to use on me this week?”
“None,” Sam said with a guess-I-deserved-that smile, “I’ve been talking with a couple of friends who’ve helped me see myself a little better. It’s not fair or right of me to expect you to be me. You SHOULD be you. Don’t get me wrong, nothing would make me happier than you going to my old school. And I still think it’s a great choice. But the choice is yours, not mine. I just want you to know that whatever choices you make, so long as I don’t think they are immoral, I WILL support you in them. Further, no matter what choices you make, even if I can’t support them, I WILL always love you.”
Scott just sat there looking shocked. Sam smiled and said, “If you want to talk to me more about what you plan to do after high school, just let me know. I love you, Scott.” He hugged his son and then left Scott in stunned silence.
The most amazing thing about this was it lifted a great weight off Sam’s shoulders. Realizing this choice was Scott’s and not his meant he didn’t have to worry about it anymore.
Further, even though Scott had not yet taken Sam up on his offer to talk more about his post-graduation plans, he was now talking to him with the warmth and respect he had before the college rift occurred.
While Sam was still in contact with his recruiter and keeping his eyes open for a good job opportunity, he was also developing plans to start his own business. Sam knew most people would think he was nuts starting his own landscaping business. After all, he thought, how many people actually like cutting grass and trimming shrubs? Yet, he did.
On top of that, he was actually excited about it. What made him most excited was that, for him, this wasn’t really about making money, though he was honest and down to earth enough to know he did have to do that. His real thought was what his neighborhood would look like if he were able to take care of the landscaping. Further, he thought of all the people he could serve because they didn’t like cutting the grass and digging flower beds.
There was no doubt about it, Sam was excited. He couldn’t wait to meet with Dave’s third friend—the COACH, whatever that was supposed to mean.
*****
The day finally arrived. Sam was waiting in Dave’s driveway as the garage door lifted. He got in the car and said, “I’m ready for The Early Bird.”
Dave chuckled and headed down the now familiar road to his favorite coffee and breakfast spot. “How’s your week been? You seem a little more up than two weeks ago.”
“I’m on fire this week. I can’t wait to meet your COACH friend and learn how to get from WOULDA to WILL.”
They pulled into The Early Bird parking lot and walked in, talking jovially. As they entered, Tammy and Melinda chimed, “Hey Dave. Hey Sam.” Melinda added, “We have some great coffee cake today. You SHOULD branch out and try it.”
“I SHOULD huh,” Sam smiled and winked at Dave. “Well, if you say so, I guess I SHALL.”
As they waited for their coffee and breakfast, Sam recognized his oldest son’s high school football coach sitting at the back table. “Is he your COACH?” he asked.
“That’s him,” Dave replied.
“You know, he’s the winningest coach in our school’s history.”
“I know,” Dave responded.
As they walked to the table, the COACH jumped up and grabbed Sam’s hand, shaking it vigorously. “Hey Sam, I wondered if you were the Sam Dave had been talking about. I sure miss Sam, Jr. He helped make my first couple of years easy. I was always surprised he didn’t stick with it in college. But, I guess each of us SHOULD do what we think is best.”
“That’s right,” Dave interjected. “Not to change the subject, but what do you think about your upcoming season?”
They spent the next few minutes talking about football, their chances of winning State again, and generally just shooting the breeze.
Finally, Dave stood up and said, “Well guys, it’s great looking into our local sports future, however, it’s time for me to hit the road. I have my own future to work on today and so do you Sam.”
He shook the COACH’S hand, turned to Melinda and said, “Can I have a piece of that coffee cake to go, please? Deborah will love it. Make it two, she doesn’t have to know I ate one here.” He received his order, waved goodbye to Sam and the COACH and headed out the door.
Sam turned to the COACH, “I had no idea you were the COACH Dave was talking about. I would have called you last week if I had. What’s your connection with Dave?”
“That’s a long story, Sam. Let’s just say he helped me get through a tough time when I thought about giving up. He helped me get my WOULDA to WILL and has helped me keep it there ever since. If I didn’t think the school board would cut my salary and give half of it to him, I’d let them know how much his influence has actually made our team what it is.”
The COACH drained his coffee cup and then continued, “Let’s get’r done. We’ve got a lot to talk about and I want to do it on familiar turf.”
*****
The COACH took Sam to the high school. Instead of going to an office, he walked him onto the football field and said, “This is my sanctuary right here. This is always right. Struggle, survival, victory, and defeat. It’s just a game, but I love it.”
Sam laughed, “Isn’t that from Remember the Titans?”
The COACH coughed slightly and said, “Yeah. Well…I’ve always wanted to say that. Anyway, let’s get started. Head to the locker room. You remember where it is, don’t you?”
As they walked, the COACH kept talking, “My job is to help you turn your WOULDAS into WILLS. Far too often there are all kinds of things we think we WOULD do, BUT something gets in the way. Looking back, we WOULDA studied harder in college, BUT we didn’t know how important it was. We WOULDA saved more money for retirement, BUT it was too hard to make ends meet. We WOULDA gone further in our career, BUT it seemed like our boss was out to get us. WOULDA, WOULDA, WOULDA, before long our lives are just one big BUT.
“Up to this point you have learned what you CAN do; that was the TRAINER’S job. You have also learned what you really SHOULD do or as we say, SHALL do; that was the PROFESSOR’S job. Now we merge those two and focus on following through with what you WILL do. Are you ready?”
“I was ready last week. Let’s get this show on the road,” Sam answered as they walked into the locker room.
“The keys I’m going to teach you are the same ones I pass on to my football team. Take a look at the sign above the door. My guys see it every time they head out to the field.”
Sam turned around and looked up to see a sign that read:
“That’s great for football,” Sam retorted, “but what does that have to do with me? Wait…let me guess—you have a card that explains it.”
The COACH laughed and pulled a card out of a small rack on the wall beside the door. It read:
“What is it with you people and acrostics?” Sam quipped.
“They make life fun. Who knows? Maybe one day Dave will write a book about GETTING TO DID and all the hard work will already be done. Anyway, this is the key to turning your WOULDAS into WILLS. This is the key to maintaining motivation.”
“Alright, what does it mean? I’m not sure I like the sound of ‘Yes Men,’” Sam replied.
“We’ll get to them in a minute.
(Come back next Thursday as the COACH teaches Sam about Passion.)
This post does contain affiliate links.
(If you need to know what this is all about, start with the first post in the series and click through the succeeding links. Also, as posts are added links will be placed in that first post to each one.)
Today, I want to…
Cry Tears Worth Shedding
I was 13 when I first learned crying was the wrong thing to do. I had gone fishing with some friends. As we climbed a hill so steep it was more like crawling than walking, one of my friends above me kicked loose a rock (at the time it appeared to be a boulder to me). The rock scraped across my hand removing the left side of my left-hand middle finger. It removed a strip of skin about a quarter inch wide and two inches long. It hurt like nobody’s business. It bled like crazy; I remember thinking I was going to bleed to death. And I cried and cried and cried. However, what I remember most was the younger girl, whose name I don’t even remember who also was hit by the rock, although the rock merely rolled across her hand leaving no damage whatsoever. She hardly cried at all. On the ride to the emergency room, I couldn’t quit crying. I remember her making fun of me because I cried and expressing how much better than me she was because she wasn’t crying. I hardly cried at all for more than 20 years following that day.
In our culture, we teach that crying means someone is spoiled, immature, weak, manipulative, insignificant. Women are afraid to cry in front of men because they fear they will be seen as weak. Men are afraid to cry in front of anyone because they are afraid they will be seen as failures. We are told to keep a stiff upper lip. We are told we need to be brave. We are told we need to be strong. Even when people are understanding of our tears they still do their best to get us to stop, letting us know it will be okay and there’s really no need to cry. When children cry we threaten, bribe, cajole, and distract them so they will stop.
With that in mind, I don’t feel shame or guilt that I stopped crying for so long. I know it was simply how I was trained. But over the past two years, I have worked at crying. I encourage you to do the same. Our culture is wrong when it tells us not to cry. Our culture is wrong when it tells us to discourage others from crying.
Sadly, even Christians have bought in to the “no cry” policy. Too often we act like the only emotion
Christians should have is joy and happiness. We are afraid we aren’t being spiritual enough or trusting God enough if we cry. But Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is a time to weep. Jesus wept (John 11:35). The apostle Paul cried more than any of them (Acts 20:19, 31; II Corinthians 2:4; Philippians 3:18). Tears are part of a healthy life. Tears are part of a spiritual life.
Like the hugging we learned about a few weeks ago, crying is actually good for us physiologically. Scientists have learned that emotional tears carry toxins out of our body that are increased due to stress, emotion, and pain. When we repress our crying, we aren’t showing strength, we are actually weakening our bodies. Some theorize that is why women in general live longer than men, they cry more readily getting rid of those toxins.
Why is it that hugging and crying, two extremely positive things are stigmatized by our culture? Why do men in particular want to hang on to failed stereotypes to express a terrible view of manhood?
Perhaps the Bible passage that has helped me the most is Romans 12:15. Paul wrote, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” He didn’t say distract those who weep. He didn’t say threaten those who weep. He didn’t say laugh at those who weep. He didn’t say stigmatize those who weep. He didn’t say ostracize those who weep. He didn’t say mock those who weep. He didn’t say stop those who weep. He didn’t say entertain those who weep. He didn’t even say comfort those who weep. He said weep with those who weep.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the shedding of tears. In fact, instead of trying to stop someone else, we should let their tears prompt our own. We need to empathize and feel the pain and sadness so that we too may release our own emotions. Their tears are worth shedding and worth shedding some of our own with them.
So which tears are worth shedding? Every single one of them. This resolution does not tell us to limit our tears to only those worthwhile. It encourages us to cry tears because they are necessary; they are worth shedding. Granted, you may, like Joseph in Genesis 43:30, need to get in a more appropriate location. You may not want to cry in front of your boss just because he shot down your proposal. But if it makes you sad, go somewhere and cry. It’s okay. You’re not a wimp or a loser; you’re living longer. If you’re children are crying because they broke a toy, don’t try to get them to stop by promising them a new one. Let them be sad for the loss of their old one. If one of your friends starts crying for some unknown reason, don’t push them away. Draw them close and let them know its okay.
If you need to cry, shed the tears. They are worth shedding.
(Come back next Wednesday. We’re going to talk about Doing Something Worth Watching.)
Don’t worry, I’m not a radical who thinks television is from the devil and therefore you should burn it to release the evil spirit from your home. Though, I do think television can be a dangerous thing in our homes.
Last night, I was itching to watch the next installment of a show I’ve gotten hooked on. My three older kids are away for the week. Marita decided to go have some alone time at the bookstore. I was at home with 20-month-old Trina. My first thought was, it’s getting close to bed time. I could just put her to bed a little early and get to my television show.
Fortunately, I held off that desire and spent a great hour with my daughter. I read two books to her as we shared some ice cream and brownies. Then I just held her for a few minutes. Then we talked–well, I talked, she jabbered. Then we played for a few minutes. Then we capped it all off with a few minutes of fun on the stairs. She had climbed up the stairs and was looking through the railing. I got lots of kisses and lots of high fives through the railing. She jabbered up a storm. I even got out the video camera and made a memory.
So, there were my choices. Find out what happens next on some tv show or enjoy time with my daughter. I think I made the right choice last night.
I’m not saying it is wrong to watch tv. I’m just saying I have to be careful because television, even if the subject matter is completely harmless, can actually drive a wedge in the family. Make sure you don’t let it. Spend some time with your kids tonight before you turn on the tube. You’ll only get them at tonight’s age for just one night. Don’t miss it. If you don’t ever get to find out what happens next on that show, don’t worry about it. At least you’re making memories with your family.
I got to hear my good friend Max Dawson preach two lessons on leadership yesterday. He reminded me of things I’d read before. He reminded me of things we had talked about before. He increased my understanding of leadership. He asked a question as he closed his lessons that I want to pass on to you.
When you woke up and got dressed this morning, what did you put on? No, I’m not talking about your actual clothes. I don’t care if you’re wearing jeans, shorts, or a suit; a dress, a skirt, or a pantsuit. I’m wanting to know if you put on a bib or an apron.
You see many of us wake up every morning and the first thing we put on is our bib. We want to make sure we stay clean as every one else serves us and provides for us. However, others get up and put on an apron. They are getting ready to get to work and be servants.
Today in my Bible reading over at Give Attention to Reading, I read Luke 22:26 in which Jesus said, “let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves.”
Jesus came to serve and not be served. We need to follow in His footsteps. Growing in Christ doesn’t mean becoming more and more of a boss who gets to tell everyone else what to do. Growing in Christ means becoming more and more of a servant.
So, if you haven’t already done so, get out your apron. Put it on and get to serving.
