Comments on: Let Your Family be the Sparkle of Your Eye http://edwincrozier.com/2010/01/26/let-your-family-be-the-sparkle-of-your-eye/ For a better life and a better eternity Thu, 10 May 2012 20:13:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Edwin Crozier http://edwincrozier.com/2010/01/26/let-your-family-be-the-sparkle-of-your-eye/comment-page-1/#comment-2314 Edwin Crozier Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:30:02 +0000 http://edwincrozier.com/?p=1528#comment-2314 Ummm...could you please wait until they are a little bit older before you share those stories? ;-) Ummm…could you please wait until they are a little bit older before you share those stories? ;-)

]]> By: Jeff Bass http://edwincrozier.com/2010/01/26/let-your-family-be-the-sparkle-of-your-eye/comment-page-1/#comment-2313 Jeff Bass Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:28:20 +0000 http://edwincrozier.com/?p=1528#comment-2313 You hit that nail right on the head... And no you were not one that treated me mean. You were one of the few I enjoyed hanging out with. Oh the stories I could share with your kids about you... LOL You hit that nail right on the head… And no you were not one that treated me mean. You were one of the few I enjoyed hanging out with. Oh the stories I could share with your kids about you… LOL

]]> By: Edwin Crozier http://edwincrozier.com/2010/01/26/let-your-family-be-the-sparkle-of-your-eye/comment-page-1/#comment-2312 Edwin Crozier Wed, 27 Jan 2010 11:05:53 +0000 http://edwincrozier.com/?p=1528#comment-2312 Awesome, Jeff. It's those little moments that turn into huge quality time. Jennifer won't soon forget that talk and it will pave the way for her to talk to you about more serious matters as time goes on. By the way, I hope none of the stories you told about people being mean involved me. ;-) Let me just comment on this scenario a little more. If you're like me, the natural reaction would be, "Oh man, I don't want to deal with a crying kid today." And then harshly saying, "Stop you're crying. Big kids don't cry. Nothing is that bad." And then I would force my opinion of how the situation didn't matter down her throat. No doubt, she would have stopped crying do to the threat of discipline, but she wouldn't have been helped at all. What's worse, she would have learned, "I can't tell Dad anything." Regrettably, I have had too many encounters like that with my kids. I'm having to work on this too. What you did was great because you let her feel her feelings. As adults, we may know that the situation wasn't really all that bad, but we need to remember back when folks were mean to us. It was huge back then. She needs to know that her feelings are valid because that translates inside her that she is valid as a person and you gave her that. You let her decide on her own how big or little the issue was after she was able to express what she felt. You didn't force your perception on her. Perhaps the key in this situation is you opened up about your own experiences. "You mean my big dad used to be a little kid and have to deal with mean people too?" What an enlightenment for your daughter. She no longer has to see you as the guy who never let anything bother him or ever had troubles. You're a fellow human growing along with the rest of us. Finally, you gave her a heads up about what would happen next. You prepared her for the next day. Jeff, thanks for this great example. I hope when I get home today, I can follow it. Awesome, Jeff. It's those little moments that turn into huge quality time. Jennifer won't soon forget that talk and it will pave the way for her to talk to you about more serious matters as time goes on. By the way, I hope none of the stories you told about people being mean involved me. ;-)

Let me just comment on this scenario a little more. If you're like me, the natural reaction would be, "Oh man, I don't want to deal with a crying kid today." And then harshly saying, "Stop you're crying. Big kids don't cry. Nothing is that bad." And then I would force my opinion of how the situation didn't matter down her throat. No doubt, she would have stopped crying do to the threat of discipline, but she wouldn't have been helped at all. What's worse, she would have learned, "I can't tell Dad anything." Regrettably, I have had too many encounters like that with my kids. I'm having to work on this too.

What you did was great because you let her feel her feelings. As adults, we may know that the situation wasn't really all that bad, but we need to remember back when folks were mean to us. It was huge back then. She needs to know that her feelings are valid because that translates inside her that she is valid as a person and you gave her that. You let her decide on her own how big or little the issue was after she was able to express what she felt. You didn't force your perception on her. Perhaps the key in this situation is you opened up about your own experiences. "You mean my big dad used to be a little kid and have to deal with mean people too?" What an enlightenment for your daughter. She no longer has to see you as the guy who never let anything bother him or ever had troubles. You're a fellow human growing along with the rest of us. Finally, you gave her a heads up about what would happen next. You prepared her for the next day.

Jeff, thanks for this great example. I hope when I get home today, I can follow it.

]]> By: Jeff Bass http://edwincrozier.com/2010/01/26/let-your-family-be-the-sparkle-of-your-eye/comment-page-1/#comment-2311 Jeff Bass Wed, 27 Jan 2010 10:49:09 +0000 http://edwincrozier.com/?p=1528#comment-2311 The simple little things that you point out really hit home with me. You are so inspiring. Since I have been reading your blog I have started to grow closer to Jennifer, my oldest, just by letting her express her opinion means so much to her. Just the other day, she came home from school crying talking about how her friend was being mean and talking ugly to her. Since her mother was not at home I told myself that this was a perfect time to step up and take care of a situation. We sat down and at first she did not want to talk to me about what was going on but after prying for a little bit (the cop in me keeps prying for answers) she started to open up and after 45 minutes she had realized that the whole ordeal was just that. “Little”. We laughed and I told her stories of my school days and how kids are just mean. It doesn’t matter who you are, if a kids can get a laugh they will hurt someone’s feelings and not think anything of it. I told her that when she goes to school the next day a couple of things could happen, her friend will try to continue to make fun because she knows it bothers her and she will find it funny or they will forget about it and they will play together like nothing ever happened. Sure enough, they played together like nothing happened. When she got home she told me that she and the other girl talked about it and how Jennifer’s feelings were hurt and they hugged and things turned out great. This is the first time that I have actually sat down with Jennifer and had a heart to heart with her. I feel great about it and see that the door has been opened in our communication. It may only be a crack right now, but the door is still open. Thanks Edwin….. The simple little things that you point out really hit home with me. You are so inspiring. Since I have been reading your blog I have started to grow closer to Jennifer, my oldest, just by letting her express her opinion means so much to her. Just the other day, she came home from school crying talking about how her friend was being mean and talking ugly to her. Since her mother was not at home I told myself that this was a perfect time to step up and take care of a situation. We sat down and at first she did not want to talk to me about what was going on but after prying for a little bit (the cop in me keeps prying for answers) she started to open up and after 45 minutes she had realized that the whole ordeal was just that. “Little”. We laughed and I told her stories of my school days and how kids are just mean. It doesn’t matter who you are, if a kids can get a laugh they will hurt someone’s feelings and not think anything of it. I told her that when she goes to school the next day a couple of things could happen, her friend will try to continue to make fun because she knows it bothers her and she will find it funny or they will forget about it and they will play together like nothing ever happened. Sure enough, they played together like nothing happened. When she got home she told me that she and the other girl talked about it and how Jennifer’s feelings were hurt and they hugged and things turned out great.

This is the first time that I have actually sat down with Jennifer and had a heart to heart with her. I feel great about it and see that the door has been opened in our communication. It may only be a crack right now, but the door is still open.

Thanks Edwin…..

]]> By: Edwin Crozier http://edwincrozier.com/2010/01/26/let-your-family-be-the-sparkle-of-your-eye/comment-page-1/#comment-2304 Edwin Crozier Tue, 26 Jan 2010 09:57:48 +0000 http://edwincrozier.com/?p=1528#comment-2304 You're welcome. Thanks for reading. You're welcome. Thanks for reading.

]]> By: Kristi http://edwincrozier.com/2010/01/26/let-your-family-be-the-sparkle-of-your-eye/comment-page-1/#comment-2303 Kristi Tue, 26 Jan 2010 09:40:26 +0000 http://edwincrozier.com/?p=1528#comment-2303 Thanks for this post! It brought tears to my eyes! I truly needed it! Thanks for this post! It brought tears to my eyes! I truly needed it!

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