I spend most of my time afraid I’m warping my kids for life. Most of the folks around me fear the same thing. However, every once in a while, I see a glimmer of hope. Maybe I’m not doing absolutely everything wrong.

Ethan, our 10 year old, is one of the most creative people I know. He writes stories and makes up games. He’s been doing this for years. It has just been natural to recognize this creativity. A few months ago, Marita and I talked about it and decided to be purposeful about commenting on this unique gift he has and prompting him to nurture it through practice and work. When we have our family meetings or when we are just talking with him, we’ve looked for opportunities to praise and encourage his creativity. 

Two things have happened in the past week that helped me see this is working.

1) We were playing Apples to Apples (yes, that is an affiliate link, hey, I’ve got to make a living somehow, right?) Each player is given 7 red cards with different nouns on them (e.g. the 1970s, Martin Luther King Jr., my family, gorillas). A green card is turned over with some kind of adjective on it (e.g. playful, wicked, hot, delicious). Each player submits a green card with what they think most closely links to the target adjective. The judge for the round picks out the one he/she thinks most closely fits the target word. 

Anyway, the target adjective was “Creative” and Ethan quietly said to me, “If one of my green cards said ‘Me’ on it, I’d play that one.” Yes! My son believes he is creative. 

2) The other day Ethan and I were talking in the kitchen. I think I was doing the dishes. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but it had something to do with some creative thing he had done. I commented on his creativity. He said, “You know, Dad, it makes me feel special when someone talks about me being creative.” Yes! My son feels special.

This really all happened quite by accident. Here we are fumbling and stumbling our way through this parenting thing and we hit on a success. I shared these stories with Marita the other day in our family meeting time (before meeting with the kids) and talked about how we are doing a good job with Ethan on this, but perhaps not as good with the others. Now we need to start paying more attention to the others and find the unique gifts and talents they have to help them feel special as well.

Here are 4 Keys I learned about helping your kids feel special from this.

1. Observe them closely and discover their God-given uniqueness.
2. Ask them what makes them feel special
3. Comment on it, praise it, encourage it frequently
4. Give your kids lots of smiles and hugs as you do the rest of this.

By the way, what makes you feel special?

John 3:16 is probably the most well-known and oft-quoted verse in the Bible (except perhaps Matthew 7:1). We all know it: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” That verse provides great comfort and encouragement for me. However, it hit me a little different today. 

My heavenly Father loved me so much, He gave His only begotten Son so I might live. That made me wonder, if my kids were writing a book what might they be able to say about me.

“Dad so loved us kids that he…”

What would they say?

I don’t have much to add to that right now. I just wanted you thinking about it too.

Before we get to the post, let me say thanks for being patient with me as I took a sabbatical from blogging throughout November. I’m back and plan to be bringing your springboard as planned from now on (until my next overwhelmed schedule). Now on to today’s family springboard.

Relationships are tough. Sadly, we often take the easy way out when relationships get hard and try to medicate our struggles with money. Maybe we hoard it. Maybe we spend it. Maybe we just fixate on stuff. 

Check out the Skit Guys video that really highlights the point and demonstrates the absurdity of it all. Deep down inside we know it won’t help. Sometimes we just need to see how ridiculous we can be to get some sense slapped into us.

I think Black Friday may actually be the biggest shopping day of the year because a whole bunch of people are needing to medicate all their raw struggles and hurts from a day spent with their family. Maybe it’s just the good deals. Or maybe its a convergence of the two. 

When struggles come in your marriage or your family, don’t medicate with money. Cast your anxieties on God (Philippians 4:6-7). Then go to the family member and get honest. Deal with the feelings. Yes, be gentle, humble, loving, and tender-hearted (Ephesians 4:32), but deal with it. Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better as you connect to your loved ones than you ever will if you disconnect and buy something.

I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving last week and that it drew you closer to your family and God. If not, don’t make it worse by hoarding or spending. Go to your family and work on the relationship.

Instead of trying to impress God with how amazing your works are. How about you just do your best to tell God you love Him today? The Skit Guys provide a modern parable about our family and then relate it to our relationship with God.

Since I missed posting yesterday, I thought this might be a great combination of a springboard for your spiritual life and your family life.

Enjoy.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the #1 reason you should own a dog. That reason was that walking the dog helps provide a pause button before you blow up with anger. The problem is, even after writing that, I don’t alway remember to go walk the dog.

Last week I blew up at my daughter, Tessa, ironically enough about the dog. When I say I blew up, I mean volcanic eruption. Yelling, hateful speech, belittling and hurting. It was so awful, her only response was to break down in tears. That broke my heart. To know that I was the cause of such sadness and pain kills me. The problem is that it is too late to take it back. The damage has been done. However, just because the damage has been done doesn’t mean I just ask for God’s forgiveness and move on without looking back.

Matthew 5:23-24 says, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” What was sacrifice for under the Old Covenant? It wasn’t just an act of worship. Sacrifice was the means by which the Jews became reconciled with God for their sins. What then is Jesus saying? He’s saying that before I strive to be reconciled with God over some sin of mine, I need to reconcile with the person against whom I sinned. I can’t sin against people all day and then think a nightly prayer of confession wipes my slate clean. I need to be busy reconciling.

When I blew up at Tessa, I immediately knew I had done wrong. (I don’t treat that lightly. There was a time when I didn’t recognize that blowing up at my children was wrong. This immediate recognition is progress for me.) Within two minutes I had apologized. However, my apology went something like this, “Tessa, I’m sorry I blew up at you. But I’m just so tired of you arguing with me. You have to quit arguing with me and disrespecting me. I’m the parent in this relationship and you are supposed to do what I tell you without backtalking.”

Can you already see the problem? Sure, I said the words, “I’m sorry.” But I didn’t apologize. I didn’t seek amends. I didn’t reconcile. I actually just used those words to start another harangue on my daughter. I didn’t take responsibility for my actions. Rather, I admitted I had done something wrong but placed the responsibility on Tessa. The “apology” was more about what I thought she had done wrong than what I knew I had done wrong.

Sadly, my conviction on this flawed apology was a little bit slower in coming. It took all day for this conviction to come. (As a side note, this happened last Tuesday morning, which may explain why I was in no mood to get last week’s post up on a Springboard for Your Family.)

However, when I got home last week after our gospel meeting with Terry Francis, I pulled Tessa aside and offered a true apology, amends, reconciliation. Here is essentially what I said.

“Tessa, I need to offer you an apology. This morning when you argued with me, I blew up at you. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry. Then I offered an apology that wasn’t really an apology but actually a justification. I really blamed you for my sin. I do think you were wrong for arguing with me and disrespecting with me. But my angry outburst was not your fault. I acted like you were to blame when I was the one who blew up. Your arguing and my blowing up were two different things. I’m sorry for blowing up at you and I’m sorry for blaming you. I don’t want you to think you were at fault for my sin. Will you please forgive me?” She said yes and we hugged.

Please notice some things here that will help as we strive to reconcile with folks.

1) Take personal responsibility.

My angry outburst was mine. It wasn’t Tessa’s. Did she do something wrong? Sure. But that was hers and not mine. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does, I’m not given permission to sin. Therefore, when I’m seeking forgiveness and reconciliation I must not shift the responsibility to anyone else. When I do, I’m not really apologizing.

2) State the sin/wrong/hurt.

Many times, I want to gloss over my wrongs by just offering some kind of general apology or plea for reconciliation. However, if I really want reconciliation, I won’t gloss over but I will validate the other person’s feelings of hurt and anger by stating exactly what I did. I blew up. I justified. I acted like I was apologizing when I wasn’t. The way I avoided this in my second apology (first real apology) was to actually state all the sins I had committed, all the hurts I had administered. This showed that I really had thought about what I had done. I really did have remorse about the hurt. 

Before someone cries, “Wait a minute, God never said I had to list all the hurts,” let me make a comment. I’m not trying to write a 5-step plan for being forgiven by God so you can go to heaven. I’m writing what I’ve learned actually helps me reconcile with others. God did say you needed to reconcile with those you had wronged. I’ve learned this helps accomplish what God has asked of us.

3) State that it was a sin.

Certainly, sometimes I make errors in judgment or mistakes. When that is all I’ve done, that is all I need to admit to. However, when I’ve actually sinned (and wrathful outbursts and clamoring really are sins even when they are directed toward my children–Ephesians 4:31), I need to admit what I did. I shouldn’t minimize it. I shouldn’t play it down. I need to call a spade a spade and a sin a sin. Otherwise, I’m still not really apologizing and reconciling, am I?

4) Don’t demand the other apologize.

Tessa did wrong with her disrespectful argument and disobedience. But that didn’t need to be dealt with as I apologized for my sin. The fact is my apology would come off as manipulative if it appeared like my apology was actually fishing for Tessa to offer how own apology for her wrongs.

Don’t misunderstand, if someone has sinned against you, you should talk to them about it. I’m just saying the midst of your own apology is not the place to do it.

5) Ask for forgiveness.

When I’ve sinned, what I need most is forgiveness. I didn’t need to simply apologize and move on. I needed to put the ball in Tessa’s court. As much as it depends on me, I should be at peace with all people (Romans 12:18). That means I need to do my part. My part is to recognize my wrong, apologize, and seek forgiveness. When I’ve done that, then as far as it depends on me, I’m living peaceably with others.

6) Don’t act like forgiveness is owed.

You can’t see this point in my actual words, but rather in the omission of words. Fortunately, Tessa immediately agreed to forgive me. We hugged and moved on in our relationship. But what if she hadn’t forgiven me? What if she had said, “Dad, if this were the first time, I would forgive you. But this is the 100th time that I can recall. I’m just not ready to forgive you right now. Maybe later.” How should I respond?

This is a tough one for Christians because we immediately want to bring out Luke 17:3-4. “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in a day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” When we’ve done wrong and the other person is not forgiving us, we like to hammer him/her with this passage. But think through this for a moment.

If I’m asking Tessa for forgiveness, I’m asking for mercy. I’m asking for something I haven’t earned. Something that by definition she is not obligated by our relationship to give me. The problem is we Christians are often like little children and the word “Please.” When trying to teach my children manners and how to use the word “please,” we always hit a phase in which the child thinks that because they said “please” they are owed what they asked for. We tend to think that because we said, “I’m sorry; will you please forgive me,” the other person owes it to us and we start bludgeon them with the Bible when they are reluctant.

Here’s the problem. Should Tessa forgive me? Absolutely. But not because of me. She doesn’t owe me. She owes God. If she refused to forgive me, is that a problem. Absolutely. But that is between her and God, not between her and me. Should someone hold her accountable to God’s standard of forgiveness. Absolutely. But that is not my place. If I act like I’m owed this forgiveness I’m asking for, then I’m not actually asking for forgiveness am I. Forgiveness, by definition, is something not owed to me. 

If Tessa had trouble forgiving me, instead of holding Luke 17:3-4 over her head, I need to apologize again for setting a stumbling block before her. I sinned against her so badly that she is finding it hard to submit to God’s will. Far from acting like the truly spiritual one, I need to humbly make reconciliation for that further sin on my part.

I really hate to share this huge flub on my part. I’d rather get to come off as one of those guys who has done it all right and if you would just be like me you could do it all right too. Regrettably, that is just not the role God is letting me play. Instead, I hope you can learn from my school of hard knocks so you don’t have to go through them.

I'm not sure why Tessa looks so sad here.

I’ve always been opposed to dogs. It’s not that I don’t think they are cute and all when they’re young. I’ve just had numerous reasons for which owning one would be a bad idea. Here are a few:

1. They smell
2. They mess on the carpet
3. They smell
4. They have to be dealt with when you go on trips
5. Vet bills
6. The kids won’t take care of a dog no matter how much they promise to
7. The wife won’t take care of a dog no matter how much she promises to
8. I’ll be stuck taking care of the dog
9. They chew up things
10. Did I mention that they smell?

Anyway, a couple of months ago, we saw a red dachshund that looked just like the dog Marita grew up with. It was suddenly 4 against 1 and I caved. We now own a dog. Yes, I have become attached (another reason I didn’t want a dog). I am very thankful that my good friend, Matt Hicks, let me borrow his copy of Cesar Millan’s Mastering Leadership DVDs (yes, that is an affiliate link). I’ve watched the first one and learned the importance of walking the dog. It has been a tremendous help dealing with little Oscar.

However, the #1 reason your family should own a dog was impressed upon me last Saturday. I opened the fridge expecting to find the four root beers we had left from our vacation last week, one for each of the children and me for lunch. However, there was only one. Tessa had taken three of them while we weren’t paying attention. She had drunk two and given her friend one. Then I looked at the counter and noticed she had finished, without asking, the salt and vinegar Pringles (my favorite). AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!

I’ve been working on angry outbursts. Ephesians 4:31 says I need to put away wrath and clamoring. I have a problem with those and have been working on them. When I saw the one root beer and the empty Pringles can, my blood started to boil. Marita saw what was happening and stepped in with a great suggestion, “Edwin, why don’t you take the dog for a walk?”

“Good idea,” I said through gritted teeth. I walked the dog around the block. It took about 20 minutes (it’s a big block). In that time I was able to recognize that three root beers and some Pringles were not worth the emotional damage I was going to cause with an angry outburst. I developed a plan for talking to Tessa.

When I got home, I calmly explained that she did not have the right or entitlement to raid our fridge or pantry any time she wanted. We, her mom and I, often have plans for the items in there. Before she’s allowed to eat or drink something, she has to ask and make sure it is not disrupting any of our plans for the food and drinks. I also explained that the next time that happened there would be disciplinary measures taken since we had now talked about it and she understood what was being asked of her. She agreed. We’ll see if it happens again.

Of course, the point here is having a dog to walk is a great thing. First, because I’m getting more exercise with that dog than I’ve been getting for a long time. But second and most importantly, the number one reason to have a dog is to take it for walks when you are about to have an angry outburst. Walk, breathe deeply, think about the situation and resolve the problem. Then come back to your family and deal with the situation properly.

It’s not enough to love someone. You have to tell them. Have you told your wife/husband/children/parents you love them today?

Keep in mind that if you’re going to tell them you love them, make sure your actions back up your words. Make sure you use a language they can understand. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out Gary Chapman’s book (yes, it’s coming, wait for it…wait for it…BAM an associate link) The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

Today, we have a special treat. Mark Broyles, gospel preacher and president of InLight, Inc., has graced us with a great heads up on making our marriages work. Mark will be hosting two marriage retreats in 2010, one in Chattanooga, Tennessee, the other in Howey-in-the-Hills, Florida (apparently, that’s a real place). Make sure you check out the website for his retreats. By the way, these aren’t associate links. I’m not getting a penny out of this. I just want you to know about it, because, as you can see from the article, you can get some real help for your marriage from this guy.

Thanks for the guest post, Mark.

Enjoy the article everyone.

The Top Two Hindrances to Making Marriage Work

How do you make a marriage work?  Maybe a better question would be – how do you work to make a marriage?  As with any worthwhile endeavor work is the factor that is most vital to success.  However, in marriage we often expect success with very little effort.  In Ephesians 5, Paul instructs husbands to love their wives and wives to submit to and respect their husbands—instructions based on the God given needs of both. Easy words but frequently complicated concepts and applications. Two problems seem to be most prevalent in causing these needs to remain unmet and therefore preventing the marriage from thriving the way God intended.

 First, we are ignorant.  It sounds harsh but it is true. Have you ever found yourself either thinking or saying, “I never realized you felt that way” or “I didn’t know it meant that much to you”?  Ignorance of my spouse’s real needs will almost certainly mean they will largely go unmet. We understand that we are to love our wives and to respect our husbands but how exactly do we do that? Not only are their needs different but also the method of fulfilling those needs.  I know what I like, want, and need for fulfillment.  That knowledge comes to me naturally with no real effort required, but the needs of my spouse are not nearly so easy to understand.  Ignorance may not be easy to admit but it is easily corrected.  Whatever I am ignorant about only requires that I put forth effort to study and learn.  Marriage is no different.  In the seminars we have presented on marriage the last ten years one of the most evident truths is the lack of real effort of husbands and wives to use the resources available to better understand their spouse.  There are some wonderful resources based on God’s principles to help us understand our spouse’s perspective.  Read, attend classes, and ask your spouse! How much effort are you putting forth to really understand your husband or wife?

Second, we are selfish.  Once we know what our spouse truly needs we must be willing to devote ourselves to fulfilling that need.  Selfishness is the problem of all mankind including husbands and wives.  Jesus taught often, even those who were closest to Him, that we must serve others rather than seeking to be served ourselves (John 13). That is never easy.  I like me. I like to be comfortable, satisfied, and fulfilled.  When I am tired, uncomfortable, aggravated, over stressed, or underappreciated it becomes even more difficult to focus on my spouse.  When our thoughts are focused on what our spouse needs to do to fulfill our needs then we have departed from the mindset of Christ.  The commands in Ephesians 5 are independent of one another.  Each of us has the same role in marriage. That role is to glorify God by devoting ourselves to fulfilling our spouse’s needs.  Where would we be if Christ was only as focused on serving us as we are on serving our spouse?  How hard will you work to forget self to fulfill your spouse?

The key to a happy healthy relationship in marriage is to learn each other’s unique needs and strive to meet them to the fullest of your potential.  

(P.S. Don’t forget to check out the website for InLight’s marriage retreats.)

Yesterday, you got to hear my initial thoughts about Jody Lusk’s sins from a preacher’s perspective and from a fellow sinner’s perspective. Today, in my Springboard for Your Family, let me share my thoughts from a father’s perspective.

I just can’t help but notice that Jody was my age and that the victim was my daughter’s age. Okay, he’s a year younger than me, and she was a year older than my daughter. But it is just too close for comfort. We just couldn’t get that out of our heads. On Sunday, Marita and I sat down with our little girl (whose not so little anymore) and had a good long talk with her. It grossed her out and she can’t imagine anything like that happening, but at least she now knows she can talk to us if she needs to.

Here is the problem. Most of the time, we try to protect our kids from this sort of attack by screening their friends. We have to know their friends’ parents. We have to meet their teachers. We want to be sure who they are with all the time. But let’s face it, who thinks they need to screen their preacher? And while I’m all for screening friends and friends’ families, I’m pretty convinced that is not going to protect our children as much as we would like. We just aren’t as good at judging character as we might like to think.

The best defense is a good offense. That is, prepare your children for the potential possibility. Here are some keys you need to pass on to your children.

1. Of utmost importance, talk to them about sex. Let them get comfortable talking to you about it. You want to be the one they come to when they have questions.
2. Teach your children that it is natural to be curious about sexual things. There is nothing wrong with them being curious. Let them know you will answer any questions you can at age appropriate levels as they grow up. Tell them, however, that the appropriate place for really pursuing this curiosity is in marriage. Let them know what a joy it is and what a blessing it is to be able to reserve that curiosity for marriage. If you didn’t do that yourself, let your children know what damage was caused by your own inappropriately pursued curiosity.
3. Let them know appropriate touching boundaries. A great boundary I learned and have passed on is touching in soft places is out of bounds, while touching in hard places (like shoulders, top of the head) is probably okay.
4. Let them know that they are allowed to make a boundary about anything that makes them uncomfortable. They are allowed to tell people when they have made the child uncomfortable. And they are allowed to let you know if anyone has made them feel uncomfortable.
5. Let them know that if an adult exposes his or her private parts, that is not appropriate. If an adult asks the child to expose his or her private parts, that is not appropriate. Also let them know that it is not appropriate for anyone to show them, text them, or e-mail them pictures or videos in which adults or children are exposing their private parts. (Yes, you probably need to state the exception of doctors, but a parent needs to be present when the doctor is examining the child.)
6. Let them know that certain kinds of touching are just plain inappropriate and no matter what an adult says to coax them into it, they need to simply scream and run.
7. Let them know that if a stranger tries to grab them, no matter what the stranger says, they need to scream as loud as they can and run if they can. Even if the stranger says he will hurt them unless they stay quiet. We have explained to our children that if a stranger is taking them, he is going to hurt them anyway. Their chances of being safe are much better if they scream there in public than after they get put in a car or taken to a house. As a side note, you might even give them some advice about how to get away. For instance, if shoved into a car, the child doesn’t have to stay there, they can immediately crawl through to other side and get out there.
8. Let them know that an adult should be asking other adults for help, not kids. Adults don’t need the help of children to find their missing dog or to get directions to some street or address. If an adult asks for help, teach the child to back away and say, “I’ll get my parents. They’ll help you.”
9. Since you’ve talked to them about sex, remind them that it will be a wonderful thing for them when they get married, but it is not appropriate for anyone, especially an adult, to talk to them about or perform with them. Even explain to them some of the ways an adult might try to convince them to do something sexual. On Sunday, I told Tessa about a friend of mine in high school who was 16 or perhaps 17. A twenty-something co-worker pulled an awfully manipulative ploy with her. He knew she was afraid that if she was a virgin when she married, she might not know how to have sex. He offered to teach her. Notice, he didn’t offer to marry her. We explained to Tessa that she didn’t need to have fears about knowing how when she got married. Part of the joy of marriage is learning how with her husband. That was the part of the discussion that really grossed her out. To be honest, I was glad it did.
10. Let your children know that love doesn’t equal sex. Explain that if an adult really loved them, they would be protecting the child’s sexuality not exploring it or exploiting it. If an adult tells them this is what people who love each other do, let your child know that adult is lying. Let your children know that sex is not what everyone does who loves them. Even use yourselves as examples. That is, let the child know, “Do I love you? Do you love me? But it is inappropriate for us to do sexual things. That is just for mommy and daddy.” 
11. Let your children know that it doesn’t matter who it is that does any of these things, older sibling, cousin, aunt, uncle, father, mother, preacher, teacher, older neighborhood kid, friend, friend’s family member, they can tell you about it and you will still love them. We, that is Marita and I, even tell our children while in each other’s presence that if the offender is one of us, they have our permission to talk to the other parent or even tell some other adult who has authority in their lives like the police or one of the elders in our church.
12. Let your children know how serious it is to lie about these issues, but that you will trust them if they tell you anything about what someone has done to them. Then do that.
13. Let your children know that if someone else has violated any of these boundaries or does violate any of these boundaries, it is not their fault. You will not hold it against them. They have done nothing wrong. They can tell you and all you will do is love them and help them deal with whatever has happened.

When you have this discussion, ask your children if anyone has ever done any of these things. Make it safe for them to be honest. If they need to, let them cry, let them rage, let them vent. If they tell you about something, please, do not think you have to handle this alone. Share your need with your elders in the church and get some professional help from a counselor with a Christian background. 

Following these steps does not mean your children will never be violated. However, it is a great defense to inoculate them and prepare them. And it is of utmost importance that you let them get comfortable talking with you about all aspects of sexuality. As I said, you want them to come to you when they have questions. 

Finally, if something like this has happened to your children or ever does, please don’t blame yourself. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I know that kids with poor home lives are far more susceptible to this kind of attack. Certainly, if you’ve been sinning in raising your kids in any way, you need to repent. However, let’s be honest, there is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all make mistakes. But our mistakes do not justify the sins of a sexual predator. The fault for sexual attack lies with the predator, not with the victim or the victims parents.

By the way, if you need help talking to your kids about sex, check out this associate link for a great book that will give you guidance on what to say to your children at all ages.

P.S. If you are the perpetrator of any of these sins and crimes, I know this is not something that you want to do in your moments of sanity. I know you are filled with guilt and shame. I am certain you want to stop. Let me encourage you right now to do something about it. Don’t think you are now strong enough to never do it again. Get help immediately. Turn yourself in for treatment. Report yourself to the authorities. Find a counselor. Do something. I know you will likely lose your job. I know your friends and family may ostracize you if you admit to it. I know you may even have to spend time in jail. But that is far better than hurting another child again. And in your heart of hearts you know that is true as well.

I’ve heard some very frightening things as a parent. I’ve heard about statistics for teenage pregnancies, teenage drug-use, child molestation. I’ve seen shows about children being kidnapped. I’ve heard stories about children being hurt. But none of this even comes close to the most frightening thing I’ve ever heard as a parent.

Nope. One statement takes the cake. John Maxwell said it. I can’t remember what book or lesson it was in. I just know he’s the one I heard it from and I know it has stuck with me for a long time. It is really having a big impact on me today because yesterday Marita and I had to get onto all of our kids regarding how they were treating each other. I was listening to us as we especially tried to explain to Tessa how the way she acts influences others. When we were saying that, this one frightening statement hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I’m sure it won’t scare some of you the way it frightens me, but I want to put it out there for you to think upon and grow wise.

Are you ready?

“We teach what we know, we reproduce what we are.”

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! I wish I could run and hide. Here’s what I’ve taken from it. Before I can even remotely try to fix my kids, I’ve got to work on me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know I still have to step up and teach my kids what I know. But before I arrogantly wonder how on earth kids that behave like this came from me, I should spend a little more time looking at me honestly.