God's Way Works

Last night was an all-time high for me. I was faced with a choice and I think I made the right one. We attempted to go to the movies on Valentines day. It was absolutely packed. We left. So, yesterday I told the boys I would take them to the movies, just them and Dad. It was going to be great. That is, until we got in the car and started to head north to Franklin and discovered the snow had started to stick and was making the roads very slippery. It was coming down torrentially (can snow come in torrents or is that just rain). I was sure it would be much worse in three hours when it came time to come home. So we just made the loop and went back home.

Ethan, who really wanted to see this movie, having already read the book, was crushed. Two days in a row of getting his hopes up and then getting them dashed at the last possible moment was just more than his ten-year-old psyche could handle. He started crying.

Now, my selfish, hardnosed self wanted to say, “Buck up. Don’t you realize this is small potatoes? Don’t you understand that we’ll see the movie later? Quit crying.” But God must have been doing for me what I can’t do for myself. In that moment, I remembered Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” It doesn’t say tell the weeping that what upsets them is unimportant. It doesn’t say simply try to cheer them up. It doesn’t say discount why they are weeping. It doesn’t say tell them to stop weeping or tell them to buck up. It says weep with those who weep. With that verse in mind I tried to understand what it must be like to have your heart set on something and two days in a row have it come crashing down. It may not be a big deal to me, but it is to him. I tried to think of some scenario in which I would be just as disappointed and sad. I can think of the time I was going to get to see all my friends from Beaumont after doing some preaching in Houston but a hurricane came through and we were all fleeing for our lives. I was extremely sad. I remember being crushed. It was nobody’s fault, that’s just the way it was, but I was so upset about it.

When we got home, I took Ethan to my room, sat in the lazyboy we have up there, and just held him as he cried. I’m very glad that my son feels safe enough with me to let his emotions show. I’m very glad that he was willing to let me hold him and console him. We were able to talk about how life is just disappointing sometimes and its okay to be sad. He then wanted to go see his mom and I let him.

That was a victory for me. I hope the next time one of my children cry, I can have the same Romans 12:15 mindset.

My Macbook cratered while I was in New York this past weekend (I thought that wasn’t supposed to happen to Macs). That’s why no post hit the internet yesterday. We’ll get back to the lessons in maturity next week (hopefully, I am traveling then as well so that is a bit up in the air). 

How do you feel when you see someone and their eyes light up? I love it. 

Yesterday, I got in the family car at the airport after a long weekend trip to New York (great trip, by the way, thanks for asking). While most of the family was clamoring to get me to take them out to eat, my two year old simply smiled and exclaimed, “Daddyyyyyy!” It was as if I was the only important person in her world at that moment. She was glad to see me (and not merely to ask for something out of my wallet). It melted my heart and made me glad to be alive.

If that is how I felt when she treated me that way, how will my family feel if I treat them that way all the time. It is so easy to get caught up in the rat-race, humdrum of every day living that we take our spouse and kids for granted. We walk in the house after a long day of work, our spouse walks in after a day at work or an errand to the store, our kids walk in after a day of school or time outside playing with friends, and we act like it is no big deal. What if every time we walked into the house or our family did, we dropped the cares of the world, the pressures of work, the frustrations of the day and acted like we were absolutely, truly, and utterly excited about being in the presence of these people? What if we commonly ran up to give hugs and act like we were lucky to see this person again. After all, that last time we saw them could have been the last time we ever saw them. But now we get to see them again. 

I’m not naive. I know none of us will act like this all the time. But what if we made it a habit to show our kids and spouse that they are the sparkle of our eye? At the very least, let our faces brighten when we see them. Smile and let the smile get to our eyes. Demonstrate that we are happy they are with us.

I’m betting that 30 seconds of smiles and hugs will totally change the tenor of our homes. I know it will be tough sometimes because the days are troublesome. It’s easy to just walk in the house and let the day’s anxieties seep out at our families, but let’s make it our goal to walk in the house today with a smile and let the family know how glad we are to see them because they are the sparkle in our eye. Do that first. There will be time to share the stresses in a few minutes, first let’s share the joy of getting to see each other again.

I spend most of my time afraid I’m warping my kids for life. Most of the folks around me fear the same thing. However, every once in a while, I see a glimmer of hope. Maybe I’m not doing absolutely everything wrong.

Ethan, our 10 year old, is one of the most creative people I know. He writes stories and makes up games. He’s been doing this for years. It has just been natural to recognize this creativity. A few months ago, Marita and I talked about it and decided to be purposeful about commenting on this unique gift he has and prompting him to nurture it through practice and work. When we have our family meetings or when we are just talking with him, we’ve looked for opportunities to praise and encourage his creativity. 

Two things have happened in the past week that helped me see this is working.

1) We were playing Apples to Apples (yes, that is an affiliate link, hey, I’ve got to make a living somehow, right?) Each player is given 7 red cards with different nouns on them (e.g. the 1970s, Martin Luther King Jr., my family, gorillas). A green card is turned over with some kind of adjective on it (e.g. playful, wicked, hot, delicious). Each player submits a green card with what they think most closely links to the target adjective. The judge for the round picks out the one he/she thinks most closely fits the target word. 

Anyway, the target adjective was “Creative” and Ethan quietly said to me, “If one of my green cards said ‘Me’ on it, I’d play that one.” Yes! My son believes he is creative. 

2) The other day Ethan and I were talking in the kitchen. I think I was doing the dishes. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but it had something to do with some creative thing he had done. I commented on his creativity. He said, “You know, Dad, it makes me feel special when someone talks about me being creative.” Yes! My son feels special.

This really all happened quite by accident. Here we are fumbling and stumbling our way through this parenting thing and we hit on a success. I shared these stories with Marita the other day in our family meeting time (before meeting with the kids) and talked about how we are doing a good job with Ethan on this, but perhaps not as good with the others. Now we need to start paying more attention to the others and find the unique gifts and talents they have to help them feel special as well.

Here are 4 Keys I learned about helping your kids feel special from this.

1. Observe them closely and discover their God-given uniqueness.
2. Ask them what makes them feel special
3. Comment on it, praise it, encourage it frequently
4. Give your kids lots of smiles and hugs as you do the rest of this.

By the way, what makes you feel special?

Today’s post is simple. Play a game. Play a game with your family.

If it is just you and a spouse, play a game with your spouse. Some of my greatest memories with Marita from the times BC (before children) are playing games. One time stands out. We were playing Farkle and I was beating the daylights out of Marita. She was going on and on about how unfair all her die rolls were. Then I started having a streak of bad luck and decided to act like she had. She thought is was funny. After one particularly bad roll for me and a good roll for her I started acting really, really disgruntled. I grabbed my glass of water and threw it on her. Under most circumstances, I’m sure that would be awful. But in our playful mood it was hilarious. We both broke down laughing.

If you have kids, play a game with your kids. Have fun. Let them laugh. Let them cut up. Let them have a good time. This is where I have trouble. I’m naturally competitive. Once a game gets started I am on the war path. Sadly, when I get like this, games can be far from fun. So, I’m trying to loosen up. Every once in a while, when the kids get carried away with laughter and I start getting on to them, Marita will call my attention to the way I’m behaving by saying, “That’s right kids. Don’t you dare have any fun while playing this game.” I laugh, lighten up, and let the game go on.

Here is what I try to remember. When my kids are out of the house, do I want them to remember that Dad always beat them at the games or that they had a lot of fun playing games in our house? I’m sure you can guess the answer. 

Anyway, whatever you do today, play a game with your family. If you just don’t have time to do it today, make sure you play a game before the week is over. You’ll be amazed what memories you create and what you can accomplish in your family with a few game nights.

Have a great week with your family.

Don’t worry, I’m not a radical who thinks television is from the devil and therefore you should burn it to release the evil spirit from your home. Though, I do think television can be a dangerous thing in our homes.

Last night, I was itching to watch the next installment of a show I’ve gotten hooked on. My three older kids are away for the week. Marita decided to go have some alone time at the bookstore. I was at home with 20-month-old Trina. My first thought was, it’s getting close to bed time. I could just put her to bed a little early and get to my television show. 

Fortunately, I held off that desire and spent a great hour with my daughter. I read two books to her as we shared some ice cream and brownies. Then I just held her for a few minutes. Then we talked–well, I talked, she jabbered. Then we played for a few minutes. Then we capped it all off with a few minutes of fun on the stairs. She had climbed up the stairs and was looking through the railing. I got lots of kisses and lots of high fives through the railing. She jabbered up a storm. I even got out the video camera and made a memory.

So, there were my choices. Find out what happens next on some tv show or enjoy time with my daughter. I think I made the right choice last night. 

I’m not saying it is wrong to watch tv. I’m just saying I have to be careful because television, even if the subject matter is completely harmless, can actually drive a wedge in the family. Make sure you don’t let it. Spend some time with your kids tonight before you turn on the tube. You’ll only get them at tonight’s age for just one night. Don’t miss it. If you don’t ever get to find out what happens next on that show, don’t worry about it. At least you’re making memories with your family.

Seemingly, one of the most difficult aspects of parenting is to pass on spiritual disciplines such as daily Bible study and prayer. I’ve heard many state they don’t have time. I’ve heard many state they just keep putting it off. However, perhaps the most often used reason is, “I just don’t know how.” Today’s springboard for your family will provide you an excellent practical way to pass on both spiritual disciplines at one time.

Why Bother?

However, before I give you that tool, let’s first back up and understand that this is not homework. This is not an issue of having to study and pray enough to be good enough to go to heaven. This is not an issue of if we miss a day, we’ll go to hell. Do you remember what Peter said to Jesus in John 6:68 when Jesus had asked if the disciples wanted to leave Him? Peter said Jesus had the words of life, where else would they go? We don’t study the Bible to be good enough to go to heaven. We study the Bible because it contains Jesus’ words of life. There is no other source for life. Thus, if we don’t get in the word, we’ll have death.

In like manner, note Psalm 145:18: “The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” If the Lord is near those who call on Him, what does that mean about those who don’t? We do not pray to be good enough to go to heaven. We pray because that is what draws us close to God. If we are not close to God, the adversary will eat us for lunch.

We don’t do these things as a checklist to get the right things done. We do them because life is contained in these disciplines. If we don’t do them, we’ll die. Think of it like insulin for the diabetic. The diabetic doesn’t take insulin because he/she has to, has been assigned to, or wants to be good enough. Absolutely not. Rather, the diabetic takes insulin because without it the result is a diabetic coma and death. These disciplines are our medicine that keep us connected to the real power of God.

So, are you ready for this revolutionary tool to help you practice these disciplines and pass them on to your children? I admit, I adapted this from my good friend David Banning, who in turn, took it from the creators of the Our Spiritual Heritage Bible class curriculum. We call it “Praying through the Bible.” Here’s how it works.

Praying through the Bible

Gather your family together and let each person have a sheet of paper. On the sheet of paper write five sentence starters with space in between.

“Dear God, You are…”

“Dear God, You…”

“Dear God, forgive me for…”

“Dear God, thank you for…”

“Dear God, help…”

Then, have someone read a section of scripture. You may read a whole chapter. You may read a whole story. You may read a few verses that contain some powerful messages. As the reading is being done, have everyone work on completing those sentences based upon the reading.

For example: Read Genesis 1. You might finish the sentences in this way.

“Dear God, You are the creator of all things and the giver of life.”

“Dear God, You created the world and everything in it.”

“Dear God, forgive me for not taking better care of Your creation and not giving You the proper praise for Your great power and might.”

“Dear God, thank You for providing such a wonderful world, perfectly suited for us to live.”

“Dear God, help my faith in You as creator and sovereign Lord of the universe grow every day.”

Trust me, you’ll be amazed at the answers your children come up with.

When you are done with the reading, discuss what everyone has written down. Can you see how this part is great Bible study. Without saying, “We’re going to study Genesis 1,” you have studied and discussed it with your children. After discussing the passage, go around the room and let everyone pray. I always tell my children that they can pray about whatever they want, but we do want them to be sure to pray through what they have written down. You might even keep a journal of what everyone says so you can look back over what you’ve learned and prayed about.

By the way, if your children didn’t come up with an ending for some of the sentences, don’t worry about it. As they hear yours, they’ll get better at it.

Yes, this takes some time. Yes, this takes some work. Yes, it will take some discipline from us as parents. But it will be worth it. It will revolutionize your family prayer life.

Thanks for jumping on today’s springboard. I hope it gives you a great boost in your family life.

Built by the Lord

Check out the book today!

If you haven’t read the last two Springboards for Your Family Life as part of this series, I encourage you to read “The Great American Struggle” and “Meaningful Together Time” first. That will get you caught up for this final installment in the series.

The Church and Family Togetherness

At this point we enter some muddy waters. The modern trend is for churches to provide activities for all the young people. Even if the activities are scriptural in nature, I begin to question the ultimate benefit of the church being overly involved in this.

Churches, instead of being another institution that separates the family into age categories, ought to do everything possible to get families together. We must remember the church is not supposed to take the place of the family.

Satan is working in our culture to rip our families to shreds. Churches must stand as shining beacons to overcome Satan in this by drawing families together in Christ. Perhaps we really should encourage kids to sit with their families in worship. Maybe we should try family-based Bible classes sometimes and not just age-segregated classes. Maybe we should teach fathers and mothers to train their children instead of just scheduling another training class at which parents drop off their kids. I am not sure all the ways this can be done, but I am sure we need to examine this.

Whatever the approach of the congregation, we must keep in mind our family has got to stay together. What are we doing to draw our families closer? In our culture this kind of togetherness does not happen accidentally. If we are not doing something to accomplish this on purpose, we are probably not going to accomplish it.

Built by the Lord

Check out the book today!

If you didn’t read last week’s A Springboard for Your Family Life, check it out for the first part of this chapter on “Keeping the Family Together.” Click the link below.

The Great American Struggle

Meaningful Together Time

let me make one thing perfectly clear. To my knowledge, there is nothing wrong with any of the activities mentioned in the previous section in and of themselves. The answer to the problem is not necessarily to end all extra-curricular activities (though some may take that approach). The point is, with so many opportunities waiting to take each family member away from the family unit, we have to be on our guard to preserve family togetherness.

There is only one way to do this. We must carve out and schedule meaningful family together time. Further, we must not buy into the modern mumbo-jumbo saying, “It’s about quality time not quantity time.” There is not a single person out there who can teach us how to prefab quality time into fifteen minute chunks no matter how many books you by with questions to stimulate “meaningful” conversation. Quality time is the result of quantity time. There is no way around that.

Deuteronomy 6:7 provides some interesting insight to quality time. I recognize this passage talks about the Israelites passing the Law on to their children. We typically use this passage, rightly so, to discuss passing the gospel on to ours. However, let’s look at it from a broader base. the verse says, “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”

These Israelites were able to have quality time, passing the Law to their children because they spent time sitting together in the house and walking together in the way. They had time together when they got up and before they went to bed. do we take that kind of time together with our families?

We need to make time for the whole family to sit together in the house. Meal time is a great time for this. However, there ought to be other times as well. By time together, I do not mean time in the same house, but each in separate rooms. There needs to be time when all the televisions and computers are turned off, when all the phones are in the cradles and Mom, Dad and the kids are together.

Many of us wonder, “What on earth is there to do if we have turned off the tv and computers?” Read a book together and discuss what happens. Visit with one another the same way you would if you had company. Discuss what has happened in your individual lives that day. Ask each other for advice. Confide in each other. Play games together. A lot of life’s lessons can be passed along over a game of Yahtzee or dominoes.

let me encourage you to resist the urge to make all of your family time movie time. Watching television is always an individual activity no matter who you are sitting next to. Each person is individually interacting with what is on the screen. No one is interacting with each other. When you do have movie time as a family time, make sure to discuss the movie together afterwards. What did you learn from it? What were your favorite parts? What were you least favorite? What did you think when so and so said such and such? And so on.

Of course, as Deuteronomy 6:7 directly states, you need to study God’s word together and teach God’s word. Look at the book of Proverbs. The whole book is a parent’s recognition he has to teach his children. Do not think sermons and Bible classes are enough to teach your kids to be faithful Christians. They are not and God never intended them to be.

Along these same lines, the next time you go to a group Bible study, prayer time or singing, have your kids stay and be involved. Don’t send them off to the play room, tacitly teaching them that spiritual things are too big for them. Even if they do not get to say anything or ask any questions, what a great opportunity your kids will have to hear adults discuss the Bible and how it impacts their lives.

One more opportunity for together time is working together. This is perhaps one of the biggest reasons we do not have time with family that our Bible counterparts had. Why did Mom and Dad have the ability to walk in the way with their children? They were going to the same places. When Mom was walking to the river with the clothes, little Susie was walking with her. When Dad was walking to the fields to plow, little Billy was walking with him.

We live in a different work culture. It is well nigh impossible to go back to that kind of work culture and I doubt any of us really want to. However, we need to figure out ways to work together as a family. Get the kids involved in yard work. Have them help you clean the house. Go together to someone who has a need and work together meeting the need. Visit the sick and shut-in together. Talk with each other as you walk in these ways. I guarantee you, the more of this time you spend together, the more quality moments you will rack up.

There is one more way the Old Testament demonstrated for producing family togetherness. In the Old Testament, we see memorials that set the Israelites apart as a group and prompted time to pass their faith along to their children. Consider passages like Exodus 12:25-27. God established an annual memorial to pas on Israel’s identity as His special people. When the family observed the Passover together every year, the children would eventually ask about it. There was quality time that came out of quantity time.

Certainly, it is good for you to have memorials of spiritual significance. However, we can broaden this concept, realizing family traditions provide family togetherness prompting quality time and meaningful interaction. Those traditions, whether they surround holidays, birthdays or any other aspect of family life, will provide a marker, causing your family to identify with one another.

Family traditions do not have to be anything out of this world. I know one family whose tradition is what they call “worm cakes.” It is essentially a bundt cake cut in half and pieced together to look like a worm. then it is decorated with colored icing. Oreos are crushed up to provide dirt. It is given jelly bean or M & M eyes. They might lay gummy worms around it to be its friends. Sometimes they use licorice sticks to make hair. Each one is decorated differently. These cakes were used on birthdays, holidays, special events. Amazingly enough these little cakes became so important, when this family’s two sons got married, guess what kind of cake they wanted for their groom’s cake. That’s right–a worm cake. Not much, just a family tradition providing great memories and togetherness.

Check out next Tuesday’s A Springboard for Your Family Life to finish up this little series from Built by the Lord as we examine how churches should act to help promote family together time.

Built by the Lord

Check out the book today!

From Chapter 4, “Keeping the Family Together”

The Great American Struggle

Family life in 21st century America is not easy. Though, I imagine our New Testament counterparts would scoff at such a statement.

When we want to take a hot bath, we walk 10 feet into our bathroom and turn a couple of knobs. We do not have to take 15 trips to the river with two buckets and then light a fire to heat the water. If we want to cook a meal, we walk into the kitchen, put some food in a pan, turn some knobs on the oven and wait. Or, we pull something out of a freezer, shove it into a microwave, punch a few buttons and have a meal in five minutes. Or better yet, we hop in our air conditioned cars and drive ten minutes to a place where somebody else does the cooking for us. Few of us have to plow a field, plant and cultivate seed. Few of us have to raise cattle or hunt wild game. We do not have to chop down wood daily with which to cook our food. I we want to wear clothe, we drive to the store (again in our air conditioned cars) and buy some. We do not have to make thread, weave material and sew our own clothes. Then when those clothes are dirty, we sort them into piles of matching colors and dump them in machines that wash and cry them for us. We do not have to carry them down to the river, beat them on a rock, try to scrape the dirt and muck out of them and then hang them out to dry.

Let’s face it. Our lives really are easy. What took our New Testament brethren hours to do takes us minutes, if we have to do it at all. This actually means we have more leisure time available than anyone in history. Don’t close the book. I know what you are thinking. “Where does this nut get off saying I have all kinds of leisure time?” I am saying that because you and I do not have to spend most of every day just providing the bare necessities of life. We actually have enough time to work overtime and get paid time and a half. We actually enough time to put our kids in little league, football, soccer, scouts and other activities. Our new Testament brethren did not have enough time for all the things that make our lives hectic because they spent their time surviving.

All this leisure time, however, has given us our own set of hardships. Few of us struggle for the necessities of life. However, because we have so much leisure time and so many opportunities to pursue pastimes, many of us struggle regarding the necessities of maintaining proper family relationships and togetherness.

Consider the following family.

Mom and Dad want to provide the best in housing, clothing and education for little Billy and susie. Therefore they both work in the corporate world. They get up early to drop Billy and Susie at school. Billy and Susie are three years apart, so Dad carries Billy to middle school on his way to work and secretly thinks, “I sure am glad I am saving up enough money to buy Billy a car in a few years. When he turns sixteen he can take himself and Susie to school and i will have little more time to myself.” Mom drops Susie off at elementary school.

On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, Billy has practice for the school play right after school. Then he has either little league or soccer after that. Mom or Dad rushes to pick up Susie from school, then goes to get Billy to take him from play practice to sports practice, then runs through the drive through to get something for the kids to eat. They let Susie eat in the car on the way to her Monday piano lessons and drop her off in time to pick Billy up from sports practice. he eats while they drive back to get Suzy. They hurry home to make the kids do their homework before shuffling them off to bed. Wednesday are tough because they have to fit all this in before Bible class.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Billy has baseball games or soccer matches, while Susie has softball practice. All of Susie’s softball games and tournaments are on the weekends. When the softball season is over, Susie’s Saturdays are filled with tennis lessons and competitions. On thursday, they also try to fit in scouts for both of the kids. Fortunately, the parents in each troop take turns picking up several of the kids from school and taking them to their various den and troop meetings.

Mom and Dad want to be active in Billy and Susie’s schooling. They work with both PTAs (elementary and middle school). They try to make it to all the parent-teacher conferences. Billy is in the band and Susie is in the choir and they attend all of their concerts and competitions.

On top of all this, Mom and Dad have lives of their own. They have to fit work into all this. Every once in a while they have to go on business trips. Further, they try to find time to pursue their personal hobbies. That is tough because of all the time they spend helping Billy and Susie with school projects.

Mom and Dad are Christians the hope Billy and Susie will be someday too. It is very important to them to make it to all the worship services and Bible classes. They do make it to most of them. However, to be honest, it does rumple their feathers a little when the preacher comments on how few people are getting their lessons completed. “Doesn’t he realize what an amazing eat it is for us to be here?” they wonder. They get to the building and shuffle the kids off to their classes and then go to theirs. They come into the worship assembly. The new preacher is big into getting all the kids to sit together, so the kids sit down on the front few rows away from their parents. The one making announcements talks about the training class for the boys taking place every Sunday afternoon, the Sunday night devotional for middle school and high school, the Bible drill for the elementary kids and the various special things members have set up for the various age groups.

When the family does get a few minutes to be together on a Friday or Saturday evening, they are so exhausted they decide to simply pop in a video or go to the movies. They sit next to each other but are mentally miles apart as they gaze upon the silver screen.

In the extremely few moments of solitude and meditation, Mom and Dad wonder how they can fit anything else into their schedule and are about ready to murder the author of a book who claims they have more leisure time than anyone in history.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Is it any wonder even Christian families are falling apart? With these kinds of schedules, when were these families ever sticking together? Add into this equation that time at home is often spent just as separate as time at school, work and church. The family are all within the same dwelling, but each member is doing his or her own thing. Each child has their own room, equipped with television, telephone or computer (with internet access). They can spend all evening in the same house with two to four other people and never actually se each other. 

This is the great American struggle–keeping the family together.

Check back in next Tuesday’s Springboard for Your Family Life to learn how to combat this great American struggle and have meaningful family time together.