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Be Bothered by Your Kids

April 27, 2010 in Family Time, Fathers, God's Way for Our Family, parenting, Raising Kids with 1 Comment

Child by Hamed Masoumi Be Bothered by Your KidsMany of you know I run a Bible reading blog as well (giveattentiontoreading.com). Today’s reading really hit me with the example of Jesus having compassion on the crowds even when He was mourning for the loss of His cousin, John. At the other blog, I just talked about taking time for others in general.

 

However, what was really on my mind was my kids. Sadly, all too often I get so caught up in me that I simply don’t have time for my kids. We bought Backyard Ballistics Be Bothered by Your Kids, The Art of the Catapult Be Bothered by Your Kids, and even How to Build Treehouses, Huts and Forts Be Bothered by Your Kids, but have I done anything with them out of any of them? No. (Oh, by the way, in the interest of fairness in advertising and because the law requires that I tell you, those really are affiliate links. Click on them. Buy them. Most importantly use them with your kids.)

 

We allow each of our children to be involved in one sport at a time. But when its game or practice time, I’m usually irritated for the interruption in my schedule. Marita often asks me to be involved in more of their homeschooling activities and I often come up with a really good excuse to put her off. 

 

I could go on and on with good examples of how selfish I can be as a father, but I’m feeling enough shame and guilt as it is. The sad thing is if I’m not careful I can get so caught up in all my good work that I simply can’t be bothered by my kids and that is what they become to me–a bother. 

 

Oh sure, there are times when I really do have very important things that need to be done and I simply cannot do something with my kids at those times. Further, there are times when I need to direct them in their own activities and they don’t have time to do something with me. However, I have to remember that one of the most important jobs God has given me is the stewarding of these four blessings. I can’t raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord if I find an excuse to avoid most of our time together because it doesn’t fit on my grand schedule for my plans. 

 

I’m trying to remember that there will be plenty of years down the line when they are no longer in my home and I’ll no longer have the opportunity to be bothered by them. I need to make the most of those opportunities right now.

 

Have a great day and spend some time with your kids.

 

__________

Check out the books I mentioned, they really are great.

Let “Yes” Be Your Default with Your Kids

April 13, 2010 in Family Time, Fathers, God's Way for Our Family, parenting, Raising Kids with 6 Comments

torch by Xjs Khaos Let Yes Be Your Default with Your Kids

My default response to the kids is, “No.” I hear the words, “Dad, can I…” and my tongue starts tipping against the roof of my mouth automatically. “No.” I can say it sympathetically. I can say it resoundingly. I can say it firmly. I can say it at the top of my voice. I can say it in a whisper. I’m pretty good at saying, “No.” Why? Because “No” doesn’t take any thought.

Can you go over to so-and-so’s house today? I don’t want to think about it; No. Can you have this or that? I don’t want to put brain power to that; No. Can you try something or experiment with the other thing? I’m not wasting any precious thinking time on that; No.

I learned something last week. Yes is better. Oh, don’t get me wrong. No is necessary. But it doesn’t have to be the default. By default I mean, I normally have a ready made “No” and have to be convinced of a good reason to say, “Yes.” Perhaps the better approach is let the default be “Yes” and force myself to have a good reason before saying, “No.”

Last week, or maybe it was the week before, we were burning limbs at my house. Tessa had a brilliant idea. She had always wanted to hold a real life torch. She decided to grab an old sock, wrap it around the end of a stick and put it in the fire. Now that would have to be some amazing fun. But, there I was, my practiced response at the ready. I could see where this was going as soon as the sock came out, “No.” “But dad, this is an old sock that doesn’t fit me.” “NO.” “Dad, I have money to buy new socks.” “NO!”

I know, I know. Some of you are saying, “Why did you even let her argue? You said, ‘No.’ She should have said, ‘Yes, sir,’ and been done with it.” I’m sure there is some truth to that. However, when you’ve learned that the answer will always be “no” unless you give some good reasons, you get pretty practiced at firing off some good reasons while you have a chance. I think I might have a better chance of getting her to quit arguing with me if she learns that I’m a yes guy unless there is a good reason to say, “No.” If the default is always “No,” I’m guessing the rebellion will always simmer beneath the surface.

Back to my story. After saying, “No,” it hit me. Really? Why “No”? I’ve always thought it might be kind of cool to have a torch too. I’ve never gotten to hold one. I’ve only seen them in the movies. It is just a sock. We’re talking a few dollars to have an experience. How many of you have actually created your own torch? I don’t mean just putting a stick in the fire, I mean a real, honest to goodness torch that light’s up the night like a flashlight. The kind they use on Lost.

I backed up and said, “You know what, Tessa. Let’s make a torch.” Then I was in on the fun. I took some lighter fluid and completely soaked the sock. We stuck it in the flame and we had a torch. Tessa was excited. All the kids were chomping at the bit, “I want to hold it. I want to hold it.” I got to hold it too. We learned something. Torches that seem to last for hours in the movies would leave you lost in the dark in real life (unless they have some other kind of fluid to burn that lasts longer). Our torch only lasted about five minutes. But it sure was fun. The next night when we were burning another group of limbs, I was at the ready for a torch for each child. What a blast. The neighborhood kids got a kick out of it too.

The lesson for me in all of this was that “No” doesn’t have to be the default. Maybe “Yes” could start being the default. Maybe my first thought should be, “Yeah, that sounds like fun.” Then I have to think it through and see if there is a real reason to say “No.” To be sure, there will be plenty of reasons to say “No.” Something might be too dangerous, too costly, not enough time, not the right time, too mature, too immature, too hurtful, or just plain against the rules.  There will be plenty of time to say, “No.” If my kids ask to play dodge brick, I can say “No.” If they want to hang on to the hood of the car while we drive down the interstate, I’ll probably say, “No” (although that one is kind of tempting). If they want me to spend more money that we can budget on a television or some other gadget,  I can say, “No.” But it doesn’t have to be the default just because I’m too lazy to think up a reason not to do it.

I’m going to try this new approach and see how it works. My default is going to be, “Yes,” and I’ll have to think up a reason to say, “No,” instead of the other way around. Why don’t you try this for a while and see what it does for your family?

Weep with Your Children Who Weep

February 16, 2010 in Family Time, Fathers, God's Way for Our Family, parenting, Raising Kids with 6 Comments

crying child Weep with Your Children Who WeepLast night was an all-time high for me. I was faced with a choice and I think I made the right one. We attempted to go to the movies on Valentines day. It was absolutely packed. We left. So, yesterday I told the boys I would take them to the movies, just them and Dad. It was going to be great. That is, until we got in the car and started to head north to Franklin and discovered the snow had started to stick and was making the roads very slippery. It was coming down torrentially (can snow come in torrents or is that just rain). I was sure it would be much worse in three hours when it came time to come home. So we just made the loop and went back home.

 

Ethan, who really wanted to see this movie, having already read the book, was crushed. Two days in a row of getting his hopes up and then getting them dashed at the last possible moment was just more than his ten-year-old psyche could handle. He started crying.

 

Now, my selfish, hardnosed self wanted to say, “Buck up. Don’t you realize this is small potatoes? Don’t you understand that we’ll see the movie later? Quit crying.” But God must have been doing for me what I can’t do for myself. In that moment, I remembered Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” It doesn’t say tell the weeping that what upsets them is unimportant. It doesn’t say simply try to cheer them up. It doesn’t say discount why they are weeping. It doesn’t say tell them to stop weeping or tell them to buck up. It says weep with those who weep. With that verse in mind I tried to understand what it must be like to have your heart set on something and two days in a row have it come crashing down. It may not be a big deal to me, but it is to him. I tried to think of some scenario in which I would be just as disappointed and sad. I can think of the time I was going to get to see all my friends from Beaumont after doing some preaching in Houston but a hurricane came through and we were all fleeing for our lives. I was extremely sad. I remember being crushed. It was nobody’s fault, that’s just the way it was, but I was so upset about it.

 

When we got home, I took Ethan to my room, sat in the lazyboy we have up there, and just held him as he cried. I’m very glad that my son feels safe enough with me to let his emotions show. I’m very glad that he was willing to let me hold him and console him. We were able to talk about how life is just disappointing sometimes and its okay to be sad. He then wanted to go see his mom and I let him.

 

That was a victory for me. I hope the next time one of my children cry, I can have the same Romans 12:15 mindset.

Play with Your Kids While There’s Still Snow

February 9, 2010 in Fathers, God's Way for Our Family, Making Mistakes, My Family, parenting, Raising Kids with 2 Comments

snowball fight Play with Your Kids While Theres Still SnowI almost made a huge mistake last night. 

Supper was just about finished. I was tired. I didn’t feel like doing anything. I definitely didn’t feel like getting out in the cold or cleaning up the mess if the kids got out. A friend called and said, “Have you looked outside?” I was stunned. Seemingly out of nowhere snow was falling the size of quarters and half-dollars and it was sticking. Already, there was a layer of snow worthy of operation snowball.

Then came the near fatal mistake. I almost said, “This will be great to play in tomorrow. Let’s eat and then get going to bed. You’ll have fun tomorrow.” But something caught and I decided to let the kids have their fun. I told them they could go play and simply reheat their dinner when they were ready to eat. After I ate my dinner, Trina (the two-year-old) asked if she could go outside. My initial thought was, “No, that will mean I have to go outside too.” However, I was out of town last week and thought some impromptu play time with the kids would be good. We had a terrific snowball fight. Tessa and Ethan took on Ryan and me. Of course, we trounced them, though Ethan and Tessa did get a few good shots in.

Why would putting off the fun until today have been a fatal mistake? I was certain there would be time to play today in the snow. Usually it gets colder over night. Yet, when we woke up this morning, there was only the slightest hint that it had snowed. If I had pushed it off until today, we wouldn’t have been able to play in that snow at all.

Here’s the lesson. If there’s snow right now, go play in it with your kids. You just never know what tomorrow will bring. Putting that time off until tomorrow may mean you miss out on it completely.

Of course, I hope you understand this isn’t just about playing in the snow. (By the way, can you hear the strains of “Cat’s in the Cradle” playing in the background?)

Maybe it will snow enough today that I’ll get to play with my kids again when I get home tonight. I hope so.

Have a great day and even if it isn’t snowing where you are, do something with your kids today. You may not have the opportunity tomorrow.

For Dad So Loved His Family That He…

December 8, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Family Life, Fathers, God's Love, Raising Kids with 0 Comments

john 3 16 For Dad So Loved His Family That He...John 3:16 is probably the most well-known and oft-quoted verse in the Bible (except perhaps Matthew 7:1). We all know it: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” That verse provides great comfort and encouragement for me. However, it hit me a little different today. 

My heavenly Father loved me so much, He gave His only begotten Son so I might live. That made me wonder, if my kids were writing a book what might they be able to say about me.

“Dad so loved us kids that he…”

What would they say?

I don’t have much to add to that right now. I just wanted you thinking about it too.

Anita Renfroe With What Dad’s Tell Their Kids in a Day

August 4, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Family Life, Fathers, Laughter, Mother, Raising Kids, Videos with 1 Comment

You have probably all seen the Mom Song that Anita Renfroe did chronically all the things a Mom say to her kids during the day. If you haven’t, I posted it at the bottom of the post and you’ll want to check it out first.

After posting that viral video, she received lots of e-mails from Dads saying, “What about us?” So she redid her song to give the Dad’s kid interaction for the day. Here it is.

Okay, I know on the YouTube page where I found this people just went berserk blasting Renfroe. I thought this was a hilarious. It’s a joke people. Get over it.

However, Dads. Let’s do better than this. The fact is, whether we are talking about Dads or Moms, the amount of time we spend in meaningful conversation with our kids is probably not anywhere near what it ought to be. Why don’t you ask your kids if they think you spend enough time with them. No, don’t whine to me about your work schedule. Don’t tell me about how busy you are. Just ask your kids if they think you spend enough time with them. 

Look, obviously you have adult responsibilities like a job. But don’t forget that one of your first adult responsibilities is your kids. Don’t leave them out in the cold claiming you are really thinking of them as you spend all your time working, watching television, or surfing the net.

Certainly, reading this post is part of your responsibility to your children. But now that you’re done with that, go do something with your kids.

By the way, as I said above, here is the MomSense song. Enjoy.

Getting to Did, Part 16: Sam Meets the COACH

July 23, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Fathers, Getting to DID, Our big BUT, Personal Responsibility, productivity with 0 Comments

football coach Getting to Did, Part 16: Sam Meets the COACH(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned “You SHALL Prioritize” If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

From WOULDA to WILL: Sam Meets the COACH

Sam had a great week. He began by sitting down with his 17 year old son, Scott.

“Son, I want to talk to you about college…”

“Look, Dad,” Scott interjected, “I’m tired of arguing about this with you. I wish you’d just leave me alone about it. I don’t want to go to your school and I’m not sure I even want to go to school period.”

Sam took a deep, steadying breath, and said, “I know, and that’s okay with me.”

“What!?” Scott said with a double take at his dad. Then with a knowing smile, “Okay Dad, what self-help, get what you want out of your kids, parenting book are you trying to use on me this week?”

“None,” Sam said with a guess-I-deserved-that smile, “I’ve been talking with a couple of friends who’ve helped me see myself a little better. It’s not fair or right of me to expect you to be me. You SHOULD be you. Don’t get me wrong, nothing would make me happier than you going to my old school. And I still think it’s a great choice. But the choice is yours, not mine. I just want you to know that whatever choices you make, so long as I don’t think they are immoral, I WILL support you in them. Further, no matter what choices you make, even if I can’t support them, I WILL always love you.”

Scott just sat there looking shocked. Sam smiled and said, “If you want to talk to me more about what you plan to do after high school, just let me know. I love you, Scott.” He hugged his son and then left Scott in stunned silence.

The most amazing thing about this was it lifted a great weight off Sam’s shoulders. Realizing this choice was Scott’s and not his meant he didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

Further, even though Scott had not yet taken Sam up on his offer to talk more about his post-graduation plans, he was now talking to him with the warmth and respect he had before the college rift occurred.

While Sam was still in contact with his recruiter and keeping his eyes open for a good job opportunity, he was also developing plans to start his own business. Sam knew most people would think he was nuts starting his own landscaping business. After all, he thought, how many people actually like cutting grass and trimming shrubs? Yet, he did.

On top of that, he was actually excited about it. What made him most excited was that, for him, this wasn’t really about making money, though he was honest and down to earth enough to know he did have to do that. His real thought was what his neighborhood would look like if he were able to take care of the landscaping. Further, he thought of all the people he could serve because they didn’t like cutting the grass and digging flower beds.

There was no doubt about it, Sam was excited. He couldn’t wait to meet with Dave’s third friend—the COACH, whatever that was supposed to mean.

*****

The day finally arrived. Sam was waiting in Dave’s driveway as the garage door lifted. He got in the car and said, “I’m ready for The Early Bird.”

Dave chuckled and headed down the now familiar road to his favorite coffee and breakfast spot. “How’s your week been? You seem a little more up than two weeks ago.”

“I’m on fire this week. I can’t wait to meet your COACH friend and learn how to get from WOULDA to WILL.”

They pulled into The Early Bird parking lot and walked in, talking jovially. As they entered, Tammy and Melinda chimed, “Hey Dave. Hey Sam.” Melinda added, “We have some great coffee cake today. You SHOULD branch out and try it.”

“I SHOULD huh,” Sam smiled and winked at Dave. “Well, if you say so, I guess I SHALL.”

As they waited for their coffee and breakfast, Sam recognized his oldest son’s high school football coach sitting at the back table. “Is he your COACH?” he asked.

“That’s him,” Dave replied.

“You know, he’s the winningest coach in our school’s history.”

“I know,” Dave responded.

As they walked to the table, the COACH jumped up and grabbed Sam’s hand, shaking it vigorously. “Hey Sam, I wondered if you were the Sam Dave had been talking about. I sure miss Sam, Jr. He helped make my first couple of years easy. I was always surprised he didn’t stick with it in college. But, I guess each of us SHOULD do what we think is best.”

“That’s right,” Dave interjected. “Not to change the subject, but what do you think about your upcoming season?”

They spent the next few minutes talking about football, their chances of winning State again, and generally just shooting the breeze.

Finally, Dave stood up and said, “Well guys, it’s great looking into our local sports future, however, it’s time for me to hit the road. I have my own future to work on today and so do you Sam.”

He shook the COACH’S hand, turned to Melinda and said, “Can I have a piece of that coffee cake to go, please? Deborah will love it. Make it two, she doesn’t have to know I ate one here.” He received his order, waved goodbye to Sam and the COACH and headed out the door.

Sam turned to the COACH, “I had no idea you were the COACH Dave was talking about. I would have called you last week if I had. What’s your connection with Dave?”

“That’s a long story, Sam. Let’s just say he helped me get through a tough time when I thought about giving up. He helped me get my WOULDA to WILL and has helped me keep it there ever since. If I didn’t think the school board would cut my salary and give half of it to him, I’d let them know how much his influence has actually made our team what it is.”

The COACH drained his coffee cup and then continued, “Let’s get’r done. We’ve got a lot to talk about and I want to do it on familiar turf.”

*****

The COACH took Sam to the high school. Instead of going to an office, he walked him onto the football field and said, “This is my sanctuary right here. This is always right. Struggle, survival, victory, and defeat. It’s just a game, but I love it.”

Sam laughed, “Isn’t that from Remember the Titans?”

The COACH coughed slightly and said, “Yeah. Well…I’ve always wanted to say that. Anyway, let’s get started. Head to the locker room. You remember where it is, don’t you?”

As they walked, the COACH kept talking, “My job is to help you turn your WOULDAS into WILLS. Far too often there are all kinds of things we think we WOULD do, BUT something gets in the way. Looking back, we WOULDA studied harder in college, BUT we didn’t know how important it was. We WOULDA saved more money for retirement, BUT it was too hard to make ends meet. We WOULDA gone further in our career, BUT it seemed like our boss was out to get us. WOULDA, WOULDA, WOULDA, before long our lives are just one big BUT.

“Up to this point you have learned what you CAN do; that was the TRAINER’S job. You have also learned what you really SHOULD do or as we say, SHALL do; that was the PROFESSOR’S job. Now we merge those two and focus on following through with what you WILL do. Are you ready?”

“I was ready last week. Let’s get this show on the road,” Sam answered as they walked into the locker room.

“The keys I’m going to teach you are the same ones I pass on to my football team. Take a look at the sign above the door. My guys see it every time they head out to the field.”

Sam turned around and looked up to see a sign that read:

 make the play banner Getting to Did, Part 16: Sam Meets the COACH

 

“That’s great for football,” Sam retorted, “but what does that have to do with me? Wait…let me guess—you have a card that explains it.”

The COACH laughed and pulled a card out of a small rack on the wall beside the door. It read:

 make the play Getting to Did, Part 16: Sam Meets the COACH

“What is it with you people and acrostics?” Sam quipped.

“They make life fun. Who knows? Maybe one day Dave will write a book about GETTING TO DID and all the hard work will already be done. Anyway, this is the key to turning your WOULDAS into WILLS. This is the key to maintaining motivation.”

“Alright, what does it mean? I’m not sure I like the sound of ‘Yes Men,’” Sam replied.

“We’ll get to them in a minute.

 (Come back next Thursday as the COACH teaches Sam about Passion.)

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Don’t Let Television Get in the Way of Your Family

July 21, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Family Life, Family Time, Fathers, Raising Kids with 0 Comments

watching television Dont Let Television Get in the Way of Your FamilyDon’t worry, I’m not a radical who thinks television is from the devil and therefore you should burn it to release the evil spirit from your home. Though, I do think television can be a dangerous thing in our homes.

Last night, I was itching to watch the next installment of a show I’ve gotten hooked on. My three older kids are away for the week. Marita decided to go have some alone time at the bookstore. I was at home with 20-month-old Trina. My first thought was, it’s getting close to bed time. I could just put her to bed a little early and get to my television show. 

Fortunately, I held off that desire and spent a great hour with my daughter. I read two books to her as we shared some ice cream and brownies. Then I just held her for a few minutes. Then we talked–well, I talked, she jabbered. Then we played for a few minutes. Then we capped it all off with a few minutes of fun on the stairs. She had climbed up the stairs and was looking through the railing. I got lots of kisses and lots of high fives through the railing. She jabbered up a storm. I even got out the video camera and made a memory.

So, there were my choices. Find out what happens next on some tv show or enjoy time with my daughter. I think I made the right choice last night. 

I’m not saying it is wrong to watch tv. I’m just saying I have to be careful because television, even if the subject matter is completely harmless, can actually drive a wedge in the family. Make sure you don’t let it. Spend some time with your kids tonight before you turn on the tube. You’ll only get them at tonight’s age for just one night. Don’t miss it. If you don’t ever get to find out what happens next on that show, don’t worry about it. At least you’re making memories with your family.

4 Lies of Raising a Princess

September 30, 2008 in A Springboard for Your Family Life, Daughters, Fathers, Raising Kids, Uncategorized with 2 Comments

father daughter retreat cropped 4 Lies of Raising a Princess

This past weekend, I had the great fortune of taking my wonderful 11-year-old daughter to Orlando, Florida for the Fathers of Faith and Daughters of Excellence retreat led by a great father of two daughters, Frederic Gray. It was a great experience. We stayed at the Doubletree Castle hotel, kicking off the weekend with a daddy/daughter banquet, listening to several great presentations about the role of the Father in raising excellent Daughters and also the role of the Daughter in heeding the advice of the Father.

Tessa and I had a great time. After scheduled events were over on Friday evening, we continued our own little daddy/daughter date and played a game of miniature golf. Of course, I thought that was great because I stomped her socks off. Then we crossed the street to Friendly’s and had a really good but really expensive chocolate shake. I also learned that sometimes even 11-year-olds snore. That was amazing.

I got a lot of good things out of the weekend and I think Tessa did as well. But one concept really jumped out at me. Frederic commented on the modern lies of raising a princess. Don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying boycott Disney or that it is a sin to watch their movies. I’m simply saying we need to consider some of the messages with which we may be training our little girls and never even know it. Consider just a few. You can probably give some thought to it and think of some more. These lies are expressed below as they are told to our little girls in these movies.

Lie #1

I can defy my father’s advice and direction and follow the impulses of my emotions and in the end everything will work out alright. After all love should be my guide when pursuing prince charming.

Truth: Hey, I know dads can sometimes be mistaken. But lets get real. A 40 to 50 year-old father knows a lot more about the way the world works and a lot more about 18 to 25 year-old boys than daughters do. Further, Hollywood and Disney aside, the American landscape is littered with broken homes because daughters were guided by the emotional infatuation they confused with real love and married someone despite the good advice of their parents.

Lie #2

I can find my prince charming by one night of dancing with a stranger.

Truth: Real love is not an emotional fit when a man walks into the room or places his arms around you. Real love is knowing a person intimately, knowing his strengths, weaknesses, flaws, personality, past, goals, etc. and then devoting your life to complement his. Real love is not an emotion that is out of your control. Love is an action that is your choice. You can certainly find a man who will thrill your soul for a while just by looking into his eyes on the dance floor. But you can’t possibly find a man you are sure you want to commit yourself to unconditionally or even know that he is worthy of such commitment that way.

Lie #3

If I love a monster enough, he’ll eventually change into prince charming.

Truth: Once again, the American landscape is littered with broken homes because young ladies were certain that the guy they were dating who was rude, inconsiderate, irresponsible and sometimes even cruel would change over time as she just loved him enough. Don’t get me wrong, people can change. But, daughters, you can’t change them. They can only do that themselves. Pay attention to the way your “prince charming” treats his mother and his sisters. That is how he’ll treat you and you are not likely to change it. Pay attention to how he treats you while you’re dating. If he is cruel, sarcastic, degrading, objectifying and condescending now, it will probably only get worse when you’re married to him. If you are only an object with which to make out or try to have *** **** while you are dating, you will not suddenly become a person with hopes and dreams in his eyes once you are married. Pay attention to his work ethic and his discipline while you are dating. If he is a bum who is mooching off his parents while you’re dating, he won’t suddenly become Mr. Responsible once kids come on the scene. Look, I know people change. I have changed over the years. But don’t buy the lie that you can change someone. 

Lie #4

The most important thing in life is true love’s kiss from prince charming.

Truth: Physical intimacy is a great part of a committed relationship. Sadly, most folks today think physical intimacy is the goal of every relationship. That just isn’t so. The goal of relationships is completeness, wholeness. The goal is to find someone who complements and therefore completes you. You can’t figure that out if you’re merely focusing on his lips. I don’t know how many married couples I’ve spoken with or tried to counsel who claim they married someone they didn’t really know because when they started dating, all they did was make-out. I’m not at the point where I’ll call it a sin to kiss someone to whom you aren’t married. I might get there, but I’m not there yet. However, to be honest, I wish I had never kissed anyone but my wife. All the physical intimacy I ever had with girls before I got married only served to mess up the joy of the physical intimacy I want with my wife. They all became obstacles I’ve had to overcome so “true love’s kiss” could actually be something special. In any event, get this in its proper order. Physical intimacy is not the goal of our relationships. Physical intimacy is the celebration of one very special relationship that is already in it is proper and committed place. Get the commitment, the union, the completion down and then let physical intimacy celebrate that. Then you’ll really have your prince charming and then true love’s kiss can be very special and exciting. But if you’re trying to find prince charming by seeing what kind of kisser he is, you’re only looking for trouble.

I’m sure you can think of more. I may bring up more in a later post. But Dads, I hope you’re getting the picture. Again, I’m not saying boycott princess movies by Disney. But be aware and use them as opportunities to talk about the difference between fantasy and reality. There is a reason those stories are called fairy tales.

ELC

 

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