God's Way Works

Ladies and Gentleman,

I am proud to announce that despite several obstacles that have put us off schedule several times over the past few months, I finally got to did and “Getting to Did” is available for sale. Check it out and purchase your copy today.

This book is a bit different from my norm. It is my first secular, self-help book. If your world seems to be crumbling, learn along with Sam how to put it back together. If you know someone who is about to start their trek in the “real world,” this will make a great gift.

Just click the book and be transported to the webstore to buy this great guide for getting things done.

Feel free to review the book for free. I’ve blogged this book for you for free. Check it out here. If it helps you, buy the hard copy to keep with you, mark up, and re-read again and again.

Have a great day!

Edwin

I know you’ve been waiting with baited breath. I’m finally getting to did with my new book “Getting to Did: How to Get Rid of Your Big But and Live a Life without Regrets.” The cover is now completed and we are going to press in the next two weeks.

It will be for sale by December 1, just in time for Christmas. The book will be perfect for young people graduating high school or college. It will be great for anyone struggling with their work.

Stay tuned for pre-ordering news.

By the way, don’t forget, you can actually read this “motivational story full of powerful ideas” for free right here on this website.

Have a great weekend.

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found the final installment of my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the previous installment, Sam had his very first YES MEN Council Meeting. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Sam’s Rebuilt World

Sam continued with his plans. He turned his COULDAS into CANS, his SHOULDAS into SHALLS and his WOULDAS into WILLS. He got rid of his big BUT. He was consistently able to GET TO DID.

Don’t misunderstand. His life was no bowl of cherries. He had struggles. He had ups and downs. Some days, weeks and years were worse than others. He had times when he considered throwing in the towel. His YES MEN council helped him through those days.

In time, his business expanded. He employed others and eventually trained managers to start extensions of his company in neighboring cities. He began to write do-it-yourself manuals that he sold online providing residual income beyond his own personal landscaping work.

Sam began to teach these principles to his family, friends and employees. He was convinced that the more people he could help GET TO DID, the better his community would be. Sam found himself a part of several YES MEN councils. One of his greatest pleasures was seeing someone else GET TO DID.

He continued to celebrate his successes with his council. He even became a trusted advisor for each of these people who had been a help to him.

To each person he taught, he explained that the specifics in their life would differ. They SHOULD follow their own life’s course. But the principles would be the same, whether they started a business, found a job or just needed help with a particular project.

Sam’s biggest desire today is propagating the GETTING TO DID message as far and wide as possible. He is asking you to help. Don’t hoard this message. GO BEYOND YOURSELF and share it with others.

 

This is the end of Sam’s story.

 

Hopefully, it is the beginning of yours.

 

(Thanks for going on this journey with me. I hope you have enjoyed Sam’s story. I hope you have been helped. Please, pass the message on to others. Invite them to this blog. Better yet, let them know about the book. It will be published and for sale in October 2009.)

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam wrapped up with the COACH. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Sam’s First YES MEN Council Meeting

It was an exciting day for Sam. He was having his first real YES MEN council meeting. He was going to meet with Dave, his TRAINER, his PROFESSOR, his COACH and, as agreed, his WIFE. They were meeting, of course, at The Early Bird.

After introducing Susan to the rest of the council and vice versa, Sam said, “Well guys, I don’t know exactly how one of these meetings SHOULD be run. However, I’m sure none of you wants to sit here all day. Let’s get this meeting moving forward.”

Dave said, “Before we get to your items of business. I just want to find out what you have learned from my three friends.”

“Wow,” Sam responded, “I’ve learned so much from you all. Answering that question could keep us here for hours. I WILL sum it up. The fact is, you have taught me to get rid of my big BUT and live without regrets.

“The TRAINER has taught me how to turn my COULDAS into CANS. I have learned that I can’t do EVERYTHING, but I can do ANYTHINGG.”

Sam pulled out the card he had laminated so it would stand up to his constant referral.

 

Sam continued, “The PROFESSOR has helped me remove the heavy burden from my SHOULD-ers and turned my SHOULDAS into SHALLS. Three SHALLS in fact.”

Sam pulled out another laminated card and placed it on the table.

 

As the council members smiled, Sam went on. “The COACH taught me how to stay motivated and turn my WOULDAS into WILLS. In great football COACH fashion, he taught me how to always Make the PLAY.”

With a flourish, Sam produced one more laminated card and laid it beside the other two.

 

“In short,” Sam concluded, “you all have taught me how to GET TO DID. And I am so excited to tell you about what I have already done…DID.”

At this point, Dave jumped in. “Before you tell us that, I have one more lesson for you. It is the final lesson that gets you from COULDA, SHOULDA and WOULDA to CAN, SHALL and WILL. It removes all that excess flab from your big BUT. It GETS TO DID.”

“What else can there be?” Sam questioned.

“JUST DID IT,” Dave replied.

“Don’t you mean ‘Just Do It’?,” Sam asked perplexed, a feeling he had gotten used to throughout this entire learning process.

“No. That’s the Nike slogan. This is our final lesson. JUST DID IT. All the planning, counseling and motivating only GETS TO DID when you actually DID IT. After we leave this meeting, you have to go out and do it or, as we like to say, DID IT. We say it that way because speaking in the past tense demonstrates our commitment to making our goals realities and points out that until we actually DID IT, we haven’t accomplished anything.

“I am excited for you, Sam, and you, Susan. No matter what choices you make from this point on, whether they’re the choices I would make or not, if you’re following these principles, you’re going to have a new life. We are here to help you GET TO DID. Now, what did you want to share with us about your plans?”

For the next hour, Sam shared his plans with his council. He had decided to press on with his plans to start his own landscaping business. He explained how he was going to be able to start out without incurring any debt and then progress over the next five years to bigger and bigger business. He had even worked out a plan for hiring workers and then managers as his business grew. He talked about how he was going to grow his clientele through direct mail marketing, which he had used successfully as a salesman. Sam’s PASSION oozed for an hour.

The council listened intently. Dave, the TRAINER, the PROFESSOR and the COACH were excited for Sam and thought about how meaningful it was that they had been a part of helping a man who had felt defeated and desperate become the man who sat before them speaking with excitement and confidence. Susan, also listening intently, was excited to see such new life in her husband and was also excitedly thinking about the journey she could see stretching out before her as she learned to GET TO DID along with Sam.

When Sam was finished, the YES MEN plied him with questions to clarify his vision, gave him advice and then offered some practical help.

Dave, having seen how Sam manicured his own lawn, was willing to hire Sam as his landscaper on the spot. He even expressed that when Sam’s business had grown enough to cover the work and the contract was up with his, Dave’s, present lawn maintenance crew at his apartments and restaurants, he would let Sam bid on those jobs as well.

The PROFESSOR said she would put a word in for Sam when the university worked on the next year’s budget for landscaping. She told him to start working up his proposal.

The COACH said, “Hey, I’m living on a teacher’s salary. I have to cut my own grass. However, I know some people that might be interested. I WILL let them know.”

All in all, Sam’s first council meeting was a raging success. Sam and Susan left the meeting ready to get to work and ready to GET TO DID.

(Come back next Thursday for the final installment of “Getting to Did” and see how these lessons turned Sam’s life around.”

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about YES MEN. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Wrapping Up with the Coach

As Sam looked up from the paper, the COACH asked, “What do you think, Sam?”

“This is great,” replied Sam excitedly, “I’m on fire. I CAN Make the PLAY right now on sheer PASSION alone. You, however, have helped me realize it won’t always be like this. I have to be prepared for those moments when I don’t feel like Making the PLAY. I need to LOOK TO THE FUTURE, thinking in the big picture to stay motivated even when I’m not on fire about what I am doing at the moment. I must ACCEPT NO EXCUSES but face up to my responsibilities and push on to success. Finally, I need to get a council of YES MEN who’ll push me where and when I need to be pushed.”

“You’ve got it. Any questions?”

“Yeah, WILL you be one of my YES MEN?”

The COACH grabbed Sam’s hand and shook it, saying, “I thought you’d never ask. How about we go grab a bite of lunch and have our first YES MEN council meeting?”

“Sounds great,” Sam said. As he walked to the COACH’S car, he looked again at the card the COACH had given him.

 

*****

Sam was so excited as he shared what he learned with Susan she could not make even one objection to what he had to say. To Sam’s pleasant surprise, when he finished his ecstatic description, she said, “I WILL be happy to let you follow whatever course you think you SHOULD on two conditions.”

“Really? What are they?” Sam asked.

“First, let me be one of your YES MEN and keep me informed about what’s going on. Second, let me live by the same principles.”

“That’s awesome, as long as you promise to really be a YES MAN or perhaps I should say, YES WOMAN. I don’t mind if you keep me in reality, but will you be willing to dream with me and make those dreams realities?”

“I’ll put it this way,” Susan responded thoughtfully, “I don’t think I am as far down this GETTING TO DID path as you. But I promise to keep walking it with you.”

Sam jumped up and kissed his wife. It had been a while since they shared a kiss quite like that one.

(Come back next week to see Sam set up his Getting to Did Council and moves on with success in his life.)

 

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about Accepting No Excuses. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

YES MEN

After reading the questions on the paper, he asked, “Okay, I get the PASSION, LOOKING TO THE FUTURE, and ACCEPTING NO EXCUSES. But what is up with this YES MEN thing? I’ve always hated that.”

The COACH responded, “Yeah, Dave told me you were already upset about that one. The normal connotation of YES MEN is dreadful. We don’t want people who just always say, ‘Yes,’ even when they disagree in order to get on our good side. That, however, is not what I mean by YES MEN. We want people who will challenge our thinking and expand our vision.

“These YES MEN are people with whom you surround yourself to encourage you and hold you accountable. They are the people who tell you, ‘YES, you CAN,’ when you are thinking, ‘No, I can’t.’ They tell you, ‘YES, you SHALL,’ when you are thinking, ‘No, I shall not.’ They tell you, ‘YES, you WILL,’ when you are thinking, ‘No, I won’t.’

“Your YES MEN are your accountability partners. Dave and I get together regularly along with the TRAINER and the PROFESSOR to act as each other’s YES MEN. Further, we get together with many of the other people we have helped along the way.

“I hope you don’t think it’ll be a cake walk from this point on. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve had this conversation with who end up settling for mediocrity in their lives. They don’t step up to the plate. When you talk to them today, they’ve just grown their big ol’ BUTS back again. Without fail, each one started back into their old habits of COULDA, SHOULDA and WOULDA by neglecting their relationship with their YES MEN.

“As you pick out your YES MEN, don’t pick out the ones we often think of as YES MEN, the ones afraid to state their convictions and disagree when it’s necessary. They won’t help you. Pick the ones who’ll push you. Pick the ones who’ll force you to get up when you have fallen. Pick the ones who’ll question you and make you clarify your vision and your course of action. Pick the ones who’ll ACCEPT NO EXCUSES. But make sure to pick out YES MEN who are willing to say ‘YES, you CAN,’ even when no one else has before.

“When you have established your council of YES MEN, be completely open and honest with them. Let them know your plans, dreams and visions. Let them know the obstacles you see and the struggles you face. Let them know your fears. Then listen respectfully to their advice. Remember, it’s just that, advice. You SHOULD still be you and you must make your final choices. Good YES MEN will ACCEPT NO EXCUSES from you, not even, ‘I did what you YES MEN said I SHOULD.’

“Here are the benefits of YES MEN. First, two heads are better than one. Even with all of your INSIGHT into your work and life, it’s still hard to read the label when you’re inside the bottle. It’s always good to get advice and counsel from others with differing perspectives.

“Second, you’ll be surprised how often your network of YES MEN can actually help you with your projects in practical ways by connecting you with others or with needed resources. For instance, when I first started working with this high school, you may remember the team had maintained a losing record for several years. The school board had cut the budget. We were in desperate need of new equipment and didn’t have the funds.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that,” Sam said. “I remember little Sam complaining about some of the outdated and dilapidated equipment. One of the local sporting goods stores stepped in and made some donations didn’t it?”

“That’s right. What you don’t know is those donations came because I laid out my troubles to my YES MEN council. The TRAINER had a connection with the upper crust at that store. Dave had an accountant friend who explained the tax advantages of making such a donation. Voilà, our equipment issues were resolved.

“The third benefit from YES MEN is they help pick you up when you fall down. Before I moved here, I had an experience so devastating I was ready to throw in the towel. I had made a few mistakes in my first head coaching job. Instead of letting me learn from them and grow, one of my assistant coaches, a man I thought was a friend, went behind my back to get me ousted so he could have the job. It was my introduction to another aspect I hate about this job—school politics. I was down and the ref had counted to 9. That was when Dave really came into my life. He had been my landlord for a few years. One day he was just checking out his property and struck up a conversation with me. I guess I needed someone to talk to because I just opened up to him like he was my best friend. He taught me about GETTING TO DID and ever since he has acted as my YES MAN, picked me up and helped me move on. I’m just going to tell you, you can’t replace that or manufacture it on your own.

“Fourth, maybe I think this because I’m such a people person, but life is just more fun when you’re sharing it with others. Your council of YES MEN gives you people to laugh and cry with. It gives you people to support and people who support you. It gives you people who will pat you on your back when you do well and kick you in the backside when you slack off. It just makes life more interesting and more fun.

“Finally, when it’s time to do battle and go toe to toe with the ones who’ll try to knock you down and keep you from reaching your goals, your YES MEN provide you with support and strength you WILL never have alone.

“My game is a game of YES MEN. I have yet to see the one man football team. No PLAY in my game is ever made by a single player. I never let my team forget that. We have to support each other, defend each other and bust heads for each other. In the end, I’m convinced there’ve been some games we won simply because we ‘YES we CANned’ each other through it.

“Here’s your final exercise. It’s pretty simple.”

(Come back next Thursday as the Coach wraps up with Sam.)

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about Looking to the Future. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Accept No Excuses

“Alright we have talked about PASSION and LOOKING TO THE FUTURE. Now you must learn to ACCEPT NO EXCUSES,” the COACH began again. “Even the best laid plans get old from time to time and you just don’t want to follow through. This is an agreement issue. You have agreed to and committed yourself to a course of action. You must ACCEPT NO EXCUSES until you have followed through. We have to realize just about everything we do is a choice. You did not have to come here today; you chose to. You did not have to work your job for all those years; you chose to. You do not have to do anything about your situation right now; you are choosing to. EXCUSES are nothing more than blaming something or someone for our carelessness or wrong choices.

“Think of a few excuses you’ve made when you didn’t pull through like you were supposed to. Have you ever excused yourself for not coming through on a project by saying, ‘I’m sorry, I just didn’t have enough time’? What would you have said if the person questioning you had asked, ‘What did you spend your time doing instead of working on this project? Did you keep up with your favorite television show?’ Or have you ever fallen short and responded, ‘I’m sorry, I just forgot’? Why didn’t you act on it immediately or write it down? Do not tolerate EXCUSES from yourself. Listen, I’m not saying be a tyrant to everyone else. I’m telling you to hold yourself to higher standards and ACCEPT NO EXCUSES.”

Sam jumped in, “But aren’t there times when you really have a good EXCUSE?”

“No, there are never good EXCUSES. There are, at times, good REASONS. There is a difference. In a game, if one of my receivers gets the ball in his hands and drops it, he will be running laps. I ACCEPT NO EXCUSES for that. I don’t want to hear how wet the ball was or how he was distracted or how he forgot what pattern he was running. Those are all EXCUSES. I want to hear he caught the ball. On the other hand, if the quarterback throws it wild or if the defense just makes a good play, I don’t hold that over my receivers’ heads. Those are REASONS. Sometimes my team just gets outplayed on the field. If the other team’s defense was just making all the right moves and their offense was working tight, I can handle getting beat. That is a REASON for losing. On the other hand, if my guys were sloppy and not putting forth their best effort out there on the field, everything they will say in the locker room afterwards is just an EXCUSE. I don’t tolerate that sort of behavior from my football team or myself.

“There is another aspect of ACCEPT NO EXCUSES. No matter how much you plan, prepare and protect yourself, there are going to be some failures. I’m sure one of the others already told you this, however, the only people who never fail are the ones who don’t try anything. ACCEPT NO EXCUSES means when you fail you don’t duck out on your responsibilities. You don’t make up lame excuses to explain away your failure. Take a good long hard look at what you did and what obstacles you faced. Then find the REASONS you failed and try again, working to overcome those REASONS.  Use your failures as a springboard for future successes.

“At the same time, don’t think that ACCEPT NO EXCUSES means you have to beat yourself up every time you make a mistake. I remember one time when I learned I was doing this to myself. I missed a turn and the first thing out of my mouth was, ‘You idiot!’ But it struck me. I wasn’t an idiot. I’m actually a pretty smart guy. I just had my mind on other things and missed my turn. I did what all humans do. I made a mistake. Here was the great thing. I learned that day to make a u-turn and learn from my mistake to do better the next time. I ACCEPTED NO EXCUSES. I didn’t try to blame anyone else or anything else. I owned my own mistake and learned from it to do better the next time.

“If you’re going to COACH for very long, you have to do this. When I lose a game, I don’t get to say, ‘That’s it, I’m never playing that team again.’ In fact, I may have to play them again this year. That means I get out the video and go over the game, play by play, looking for mistakes and weaknesses. At the same time, I look for what worked. In other words, I find the REASONS we lost in order to fix what is broken before we play that team again. I ACCEPT NO EXCUSES. I certainly discipline my team for sloppy play, but I don’t beat them up or call them names for making mistakes. I encourage us all to own our responsibilities, to learn from the mistakes and move on.

“I imagine you encountered the need for this philosophy time and again in the sales world.”

“You know it. If there was ever anything that clued me in to know someone wasn’t going to cut it as a salesman, it was how they handled rejection,” Sam explained. “Some viewed it as a springboard, a place to learn. Some took it personally, thinking it meant they were failures. I’ll tell you what though, my best salesmen did not just use their failures as learning experiences. They would even review their successes with their co-workers and supervisors, looking at what worked and what may have almost been a hindrance.”

“You’re two steps ahead of me, Sam. If you’re going to grow, don’t just look at your failures, examine your successes. Is there anything you can do to make it work more smoothly? Was there something different about this team or that customer that made this approach work when it didn’t or wouldn’t work another time? Either way, you’re always working to rule out EXCUSES. You can’t Make the PLAY if you are always making EXCUSES for why you’re not making it, won’t make it or didn’t make it.

“This really cuts to the heart of the COULDAS, SHOULDAS and WOULDAS and your big BUTS. When we find ourselves saying those, we are usually making EXCUSES.”

“Now you’re making me feel small. I don’t know how many EXCUSES I’ve accepted throughout my life. When you put it like this, it makes perfect sense. I’m going to work on that,” Sam said thoughtfully. “Where’s my homework on this one?”

 

(Make sure you come back next week when the COACH teaches Sam about Yes Men.)

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about Passion. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Look To the Future

Looking up from the paper, Sam asked, “Okay, have PASSION. What about LOOK TO THE FUTURE? I already talked about planning and goal-setting with the TRAINER. Is that what this is about?”

“Not quite. Planning, or as the TRAINER put it, NEXT STEP THINKING, gets you from COULDA to CAN. We’re talking about motivation here, going from WOULDA to WILL. LOOK TO THE FUTURE is really about refusing to be governed by the present moment.

“Wait a minute,” Sam said shaking his head. “The TRAINER and the PROFESSOR both said all I had was today and that I needed to live in the present moment. How can you say I’m not supposed to be governed by it?”

“We live in the moment, Sam, but we aren’t governed by it. That is, there are some things we do in the present moment that we don’t like because we know where they lead. No matter how PASSIONATE you are, there are always aspects of your work and life you won’t be PASSIONATE about. I hate parent/teacher conferences. I hate grading tests and papers in the Math class I have to teach if I want to coach. What helps me keep going and plugging away through these drudgeries? LOOKING TO THE FUTURE. I constantly remind myself of the rewards of doing the parts that I don’t like about this job. First, if I want to keep looking forward to the parts I do like, I have to do the others as well. Second, even though I don’t like them, I realize they’re part of the process that accomplishes what I am PASSIONATE about. Those conferences help keep the parents involved in their kids’ lives. They help the parents know where I can see their kids going in the future. And they help the parents and me get on the same team. While I prefer coaching football to teaching Math, I can see that most of my guys aren’t going to make a living playing football and even the one or two that ever will are going to need life skills to be successful.

“My job is not well done just because my guys have a fun, winning season. My job is well done when they’re well prepared to go out and PASSIONATELY pursue their life’s course. On those days when I don’t feel like teaching Math or having the parent/teacher conference, I look down the road at the kids’ lives. LOOKING TO THE FUTURE motivates me to Make the PLAYS I don’t like making.

“Further, let’s face it, even with the stuff we are PASSIONATE about, we all have down days. My team doesn’t win State every year. We don’t win every game. And we don’t always have great practices. Some days, weeks and years, things just don’t go right. The players may not be the high caliber we need. We may have made a staffing error. I may be sick. Who knows, maybe it’s just raining too much. Nobody soars on an emotional high all the time; not even in their areas of PASSION. We have to learn not to be governed by that moment. We have to LOOK TO THE FUTURE and remember where all of this is heading. This is big picture thinking. Don’t get bogged down by the bad moments, days, weeks or even years. My father-in-law had a lot of bad moments. I always remember how he faced them. He always said, ‘This too shall pass.’ Don’t get bogged down in it. Just recognize if you’re working to make the PLAY these down times won’t last.

“LOOK TO THE FUTURE and remember what the whole journey is about. That will help you Make the PLAY even when you don’t feel like it.

“Are you with me so far, Sam?”

“Sure, this all makes sense. I have to learn to be motivated to Make the PLAY. That is a lot easier if I love what I’m doing, if I’m PASSIONATE about it. However, no matter how much PASSION I have, there will be down times. To keep motivated during those times I have to LOOK TO THE FUTURE.”

“Good,” the COACH said, “Now I know why Sam, Jr. was always so quick to catch on. Here’s another exercise for you to work through this week.”

(Come back next Thursday as the Coach teaches SAM to ACCEPT NO EXCUSES)

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam met the coach. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

PASSION

“First, we have to start with PASSION.”

“I think I have that one down,” Sam interrupted. “This goes along with what the PROFESSOR taught me. She said she was stepping on your field a little bit. PASSION means doing what I am PASSIONATE about, what I enjoy and can really get into. It makes sense to teach this while we talk about motivation as well. After all, it’s a lot easier to be motivated doing something you love than something you hate.”

“Allow me to illustrate,” the COACH added. “When I started off in college, I was majoring in Business and Marketing. My plan was to make big money in some Fortune 500 company. I had it all mapped out. You may love that sort of thing Sam, however, about half way through my junior year, I realized I hated what I was doing. That explained why I was always on the verge of getting failed for missing too many classes and why I started getting low C’s when I was usually a pretty solid A and B student. I was talking to an older friend of mine who worked as a high paid accountant for a local company. I asked him how he liked his job. He said, ‘I hate it. But it keeps the family fed.’ He looked miserable. In that moment, I decided I didn’t want to live like him.

“Getting to where I am now was a bit of a journey but this is where I SHOULD be. Most days, I can’t wait to get to work. It’s more like playing than work to me. I love what I do. I love the practices, the games and I love working with the kids. I feel like I’m making a difference in their lives. Sure, there are some down days. But most of the time, being motivated comes naturally because I absolutely love what I do. I have PASSION.

 “One of the areas where PASSION is most helpful is in accomplishing those self-discipline habits that are so easy to overlook for a few days and then stop completely. I love to exercise and I love to be healthy. I start most days with running, swimming or something to get my heart pumping. That’s easy for me ‘cause I’m PASSIONATE about exercise and health.

“My sister, on the other hand, hates exercise. I helped her get started running. She got so upset, wondering when it would be fun, natural or easy like the running magazines said it would. As I was helping her get into the habit I tried everything. I tried systems of rewards and punishments. I tried getting her to read about healthy people and unhealthy people and what their lives are like when they’re older. I tried guilt. I tried praise.

“Then one night she had me and my family over for dinner.  I was in a slightly grumpy mood over issues at the school. Therefore, regrettably I was being a little short about everything. As usual, the issue of the kids growing quickly came up and she said something about her seven year old’s graduation being just around the corner. Without any real intention of trying to impact her health and mostly because I was irritated anyway I somewhat caustically said, ‘I hope you’re still around for it.’

“The conversation that ensued was life-changing for her. For all we had tried, she never made the connection between her health and her relationship with her children. If she is not PASSIONATE about her health or exercise, she is extremely PASSIONATE about her family. When she made that connection, the PASSION for health and exercise was suddenly in place. She can’t run circles around me, but she’s sure trying.

“Work to tie those pesky habits of self-discipline about which you can hardly be PASSIONATE to something about which you are PASSIONATE. Then be amazed at how much easier those issues become.”

“That’s powerful,” Sam replied. “I’ve never thought about that before. The health and kid thing, that is. Maybe all of this is going to help me with more than just my financial life.”

“Let me explain the other benefit of PASSION. Not only does it help you get up in the morning, it also helps you strive for excellence. There are coaches who are just making a paycheck. They played football in high school and thought it would be an easy job. You can tell their teams; they have the losing records. The ones with PASSION push that extra mile. Since they are so PASSIONATE about what they do, they want to be the best they can possibly be. Good enough is never good enough for the PASSIONATE. They don’t settle for minimum job requirements. They go above and beyond for the sake of their PASSION.

“If you’re going to Make the PLAY, Sam, you’ve got to have PASSION.”

“PASSION. Got it,” Sam responded.

“Listen, I have some exercises for you to work through this week,” the COACH said handing Sam a piece of paper.

“Why am I not surprised?” Sam asked as he looked at it.

(Come back next Thursday when the coach teaches Sam to Look to the Future.)

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned “You SHALL Prioritize” If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

From WOULDA to WILL: Sam Meets the COACH

Sam had a great week. He began by sitting down with his 17 year old son, Scott.

“Son, I want to talk to you about college…”

“Look, Dad,” Scott interjected, “I’m tired of arguing about this with you. I wish you’d just leave me alone about it. I don’t want to go to your school and I’m not sure I even want to go to school period.”

Sam took a deep, steadying breath, and said, “I know, and that’s okay with me.”

“What!?” Scott said with a double take at his dad. Then with a knowing smile, “Okay Dad, what self-help, get what you want out of your kids, parenting book are you trying to use on me this week?”

“None,” Sam said with a guess-I-deserved-that smile, “I’ve been talking with a couple of friends who’ve helped me see myself a little better. It’s not fair or right of me to expect you to be me. You SHOULD be you. Don’t get me wrong, nothing would make me happier than you going to my old school. And I still think it’s a great choice. But the choice is yours, not mine. I just want you to know that whatever choices you make, so long as I don’t think they are immoral, I WILL support you in them. Further, no matter what choices you make, even if I can’t support them, I WILL always love you.”

Scott just sat there looking shocked. Sam smiled and said, “If you want to talk to me more about what you plan to do after high school, just let me know. I love you, Scott.” He hugged his son and then left Scott in stunned silence.

The most amazing thing about this was it lifted a great weight off Sam’s shoulders. Realizing this choice was Scott’s and not his meant he didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

Further, even though Scott had not yet taken Sam up on his offer to talk more about his post-graduation plans, he was now talking to him with the warmth and respect he had before the college rift occurred.

While Sam was still in contact with his recruiter and keeping his eyes open for a good job opportunity, he was also developing plans to start his own business. Sam knew most people would think he was nuts starting his own landscaping business. After all, he thought, how many people actually like cutting grass and trimming shrubs? Yet, he did.

On top of that, he was actually excited about it. What made him most excited was that, for him, this wasn’t really about making money, though he was honest and down to earth enough to know he did have to do that. His real thought was what his neighborhood would look like if he were able to take care of the landscaping. Further, he thought of all the people he could serve because they didn’t like cutting the grass and digging flower beds.

There was no doubt about it, Sam was excited. He couldn’t wait to meet with Dave’s third friend—the COACH, whatever that was supposed to mean.

*****

The day finally arrived. Sam was waiting in Dave’s driveway as the garage door lifted. He got in the car and said, “I’m ready for The Early Bird.”

Dave chuckled and headed down the now familiar road to his favorite coffee and breakfast spot. “How’s your week been? You seem a little more up than two weeks ago.”

“I’m on fire this week. I can’t wait to meet your COACH friend and learn how to get from WOULDA to WILL.”

They pulled into The Early Bird parking lot and walked in, talking jovially. As they entered, Tammy and Melinda chimed, “Hey Dave. Hey Sam.” Melinda added, “We have some great coffee cake today. You SHOULD branch out and try it.”

“I SHOULD huh,” Sam smiled and winked at Dave. “Well, if you say so, I guess I SHALL.”

As they waited for their coffee and breakfast, Sam recognized his oldest son’s high school football coach sitting at the back table. “Is he your COACH?” he asked.

“That’s him,” Dave replied.

“You know, he’s the winningest coach in our school’s history.”

“I know,” Dave responded.

As they walked to the table, the COACH jumped up and grabbed Sam’s hand, shaking it vigorously. “Hey Sam, I wondered if you were the Sam Dave had been talking about. I sure miss Sam, Jr. He helped make my first couple of years easy. I was always surprised he didn’t stick with it in college. But, I guess each of us SHOULD do what we think is best.”

“That’s right,” Dave interjected. “Not to change the subject, but what do you think about your upcoming season?”

They spent the next few minutes talking about football, their chances of winning State again, and generally just shooting the breeze.

Finally, Dave stood up and said, “Well guys, it’s great looking into our local sports future, however, it’s time for me to hit the road. I have my own future to work on today and so do you Sam.”

He shook the COACH’S hand, turned to Melinda and said, “Can I have a piece of that coffee cake to go, please? Deborah will love it. Make it two, she doesn’t have to know I ate one here.” He received his order, waved goodbye to Sam and the COACH and headed out the door.

Sam turned to the COACH, “I had no idea you were the COACH Dave was talking about. I would have called you last week if I had. What’s your connection with Dave?”

“That’s a long story, Sam. Let’s just say he helped me get through a tough time when I thought about giving up. He helped me get my WOULDA to WILL and has helped me keep it there ever since. If I didn’t think the school board would cut my salary and give half of it to him, I’d let them know how much his influence has actually made our team what it is.”

The COACH drained his coffee cup and then continued, “Let’s get’r done. We’ve got a lot to talk about and I want to do it on familiar turf.”

*****

The COACH took Sam to the high school. Instead of going to an office, he walked him onto the football field and said, “This is my sanctuary right here. This is always right. Struggle, survival, victory, and defeat. It’s just a game, but I love it.”

Sam laughed, “Isn’t that from Remember the Titans?”

The COACH coughed slightly and said, “Yeah. Well…I’ve always wanted to say that. Anyway, let’s get started. Head to the locker room. You remember where it is, don’t you?”

As they walked, the COACH kept talking, “My job is to help you turn your WOULDAS into WILLS. Far too often there are all kinds of things we think we WOULD do, BUT something gets in the way. Looking back, we WOULDA studied harder in college, BUT we didn’t know how important it was. We WOULDA saved more money for retirement, BUT it was too hard to make ends meet. We WOULDA gone further in our career, BUT it seemed like our boss was out to get us. WOULDA, WOULDA, WOULDA, before long our lives are just one big BUT.

“Up to this point you have learned what you CAN do; that was the TRAINER’S job. You have also learned what you really SHOULD do or as we say, SHALL do; that was the PROFESSOR’S job. Now we merge those two and focus on following through with what you WILL do. Are you ready?”

“I was ready last week. Let’s get this show on the road,” Sam answered as they walked into the locker room.

“The keys I’m going to teach you are the same ones I pass on to my football team. Take a look at the sign above the door. My guys see it every time they head out to the field.”

Sam turned around and looked up to see a sign that read:

 

 

“That’s great for football,” Sam retorted, “but what does that have to do with me? Wait…let me guess—you have a card that explains it.”

The COACH laughed and pulled a card out of a small rack on the wall beside the door. It read:

 

“What is it with you people and acrostics?” Sam quipped.

“They make life fun. Who knows? Maybe one day Dave will write a book about GETTING TO DID and all the hard work will already be done. Anyway, this is the key to turning your WOULDAS into WILLS. This is the key to maintaining motivation.”

“Alright, what does it mean? I’m not sure I like the sound of ‘Yes Men,’” Sam replied.

“We’ll get to them in a minute.

 (Come back next Thursday as the COACH teaches Sam about Passion.)