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Getting to Did, Part 7: Honesty and Insight

May 7, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Honesty, Our big BUT with 2 Comments

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, the TRAINER taught Sam about the valuable point of investing TIME. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” and follow the successive links.)

My apologies for those who came to the site last Thursday and didn’t find the latest post of “Getting to Did.” To make up for missing that one, I’ll give two sections in today’s post. Enjoy. Get to Did. Live without regret.

HONESTY

“HONESTY means looking at all of the things we have already discussed truthfully. Did you ever see Napolean Dynamite?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I saw it. My kids love it. I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, well,” the TRAINER chuckled, “you either love it or hate it. Anyway, you remember Uncle Rico, who spent the whole movie fantasizing about going back to his high school football championship. He was certain if his coach had put him in as quarterback, they would have won and he would have gone pro and live in a big house with his soul mate.”

“That was the one funny part of the movie to me,” Sam replied joining in with his own laughter.

The TRAINER replied, “Sadly, that was so funny because it describes reality for too many people. A lot of people get to our age, Sam, and think about what they COULDA done back when they graduated high school and college BUT something got in the way. Usually, they overestimate their youthful abilities. You would be amazed at the number of guys in my gym who know for certain they COULDA played pro football if only this or that. One or two of them might be telling the truth. For them, it is sad they didn’t go from COULDA to CAN back then and follow their dreams. Too often they let someone else’s expectations or plans for them take over their lives. Now they live with regret. For the rest, what is really sad is they’re still living in some fantasy world.

“You have to be HONEST about your ATTITUDE and learn to tell when it is holding you back. You have to be HONEST about your NEXT STEP THINKING. That is, you need to be HONEST about what obstacles will be in your way and plan for them. You have to be HONEST about YOUR STRENGTHS. Let’s face it Sam, even if you could have gone pro back in the day, you’re not going to be doing that now. You need to be HONEST about TIME. That is why so many people procrastinate. They don’t feel like doing anything right now, therefore they put things off. The problem is they’re not HONEST with themselves about what they really CAN do tomorrow. Be HONEST with yourself and with everyone else about all of these things. Otherwise you’ll waste your time chasing pipe dreams and ten years from now you’ll still be talking about all the things you COULDA done today BUT…”

The TRAINER paused for effect and allowed this last statement to sink in and then said, “One of the best ways to be HONEST is to ask others. This is tough because they may not want to be HONEST with us and we may not want to listen HONESTLY. After all, the truth hurts sometimes. If you had a job, I would tell you to talk to your boss or co-workers. You’re married with children, therefore a good place to start is with your wife and kids. You will be amazed how much INSIGHT they have into where you are with all of the issues we have discussed.”

INSIGHT

“INSIGHT means relying on what you know. A lot of people think INSIGHT is a rare gift. That’s not true. INSIGHT is simply relying on what a person has learned through a long period of observation, study and experience. They have worked at something for a long time; it only appears to come naturally to everyone else. Let’s go back to what you said about people getting promoted into your sales department. How long did it take you to know if they were going to do well there?”

Sam paused for a moment because he did not want to seem haughty, and then replied, “For most of them, I could tell within the first week. I mean, I’ve been in sales for more than 20 years. I oughta know.”

“Exactly,” the TRAINER replied. “Here’s the key you have to understand. A lot of the time, the things you think you can’t do are simply things you don’t have INSIGHT about. You haven’t observed them, studied them or experienced them. If there is something you want to do, you have to study what it takes to do it, observe those who are doing it and then jump in and experience it. Of course, that means you’re going to make mistakes. But as you learn from those mistakes, you gain INSIGHT that gets you to CAN.”

“I’ve got INSIGHT in sales and that’s about it. What happens if I can’t get another job in sales?”

“You might get another job in sales. But then again you might have to change fields if you get another job. One of the best steps you CAN take is to start studying the field, get to know people who are in the field and observe them. Then, when you applied for the job you would have INSIGHT to offer. Whatever choices you make you have to devote the TIME to study, observe and experience the work you want to do, gaining INSIGHT. Some have suggested if you spent one hour a day, at least five days a week, studying and observing the field or work in which you are interested, you will become an expert in six months to a year. Are you willing to invest that TIME? Check out this card.”

(Come back next Thursday to learn how a “Never Quit” attitude will help get rid of your big but and live a life without regret.)

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Getting to Did, Part 6: TIME

April 23, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Time Management with 2 Comments

(If you have stumbled across this page, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to DID: How to Get Rid of Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In last week’s installment, the TRAINER taught Sam to use “YOUR STRENGTHS” if he would turn his COULDAS into CANS. This week, Sam will learn about using his TIME wisely. If you need to catch up on the whole book. You can start at Sam’s Crumbling World and follow the links.)

TIME

“TIME is the reason you cannot do everything. You can probably do a lot more than you realize, but the fact is we only get 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, 52 weeks in a year. Plus, we are all going to die. Whether we like it or not, our TIME is limited and uncertain. That means each day needs to be used to accomplish what really matters.

“Time is like money. You can do four things with it. You can waste it, spend it, invest it or borrow it. We waste TIME when we do useless things that accomplish nothing. We spend it when we do something that provides a benefit now, but that’s it. We invest it when we do what is most important, providing benefit not only for the moment but for time to come. Most of us borrow too much TIME. When we waste TIME, not following through ontoday’s steps to reach the goal, we borrow TIME from the future. Obligating tomorrow to do today’s work. We call this procrastination. Procrastination is the credit card of time. Regrettably, like money, some of us borrow so much time from our future we never catch up.

“The point is we need to use TIME wisely. Benjamin Franklin pointed out that TIME is the stuff our lives are made of. If we’re just killing TIME, we might as well be killing ourselves. You only get to CAN when you invest your TIME wisely.

“Finally, we do have to realize the only time we actually have is today. You, me and everybody we know

time 4 things Getting to Did, Part 6: TIME

only lives one day at a time. Some folks use their one day at a time positively. Some don’t. Have you ever caught yourself saying you were going to start a diet tomorrow so just for today, you are going to have that last hurrah and pig out one final time.”

Sam’s face brightened a few shades of pink. “Yeah, actually come to think about it. I’ve done that almost every week since I lost my job.”

“You see, Sam,” the TRAINER went on, “that’s living your one day at a time in a negative way. You are destroying your health one day at a time. But you can reverse that. Instead of thinking, ‘I have to eat healthy for the rest of my life,’ think, ‘Just for today, I’m going to eat healthy. Tomorrow is a different story, but today, I’ll eat healthy.’ You obviously won’t make any major health strides in just one day. But when you start living one day at a time in a healthy way, you’ll be amazed at the results down the road. What’s even better is when you have bad days, you don’t have to beat yourself up. Instead of lapsing because you had a bad day yesterday, just remember that day is already gone. Who knows what you may do tomorrow, but for today, for the time you have right now, you will make a healthy choice.”

The TRAINER fell silent for a moment and then said, “Sam, that’s powerful stuff I just shared with you and it’s not just about your health. It’s about your work, your dreams, your family, your relationship with your wife and kids. While you certainly think about and plan for the NEXT STEP you have to live in the only time you’ve got—today.”

Sam was wide-eyed, thinking about the number of times he had goofed off “just for today” or put off “just for today.” He thought about all the days he hadn’t spent time with his kids and all the conversations he never had with his wife. “That is powerful,” he finally said. “Thank you.”

“Here you go,” the TRAINER said, “Check out this card.”

(Come back next Thursday as the TRAINER teaches Sam about HONESTY and INSIGHT.)

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Getting to Did, Part 5: YOUR STRENGTHS

April 16, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Growth, Success with 2 Comments

Last week the TRAINER taught Sam about NEXT STEP THINKING. This week, Sam will learn about pursuing his own strengths and not someone else’s. If you need to catch up on the entire book, you can start by going back to Sam’s Crumbling World and following the links to catch up.

YOUR STRENGTHS

“YOUR STRENGTHS means you SHOULDN’T spend your time trying to be someone else. Of course, I have to be careful here. I don’t want to jump ahead and get into the PROFESSOR’S territory.”

“Who’s the PROFESSOR?” Sam interrupted.

“You’ll meet her later,” replied the TRAINER. “She’ll help you get from SHOULDA to SHALL. Right now, let’s suffice it to say you CAN only do what you CAN do. There is no need to try to do what someone else CAN do, even if that someone is your hero. In other words, just because you and I really like Dave, doesn’t mean we should start trying to run restaurants. Think about what you’re good at and realize the world needs people like you.

“My dad was good at fixing mechanical things. My brother inherited that strength and I didn’t. I never understood why on earth they liked working on heating and air conditioning units every day. I tried doing that sort of thing with them for a while, but it’s just not my cup of tea. We were all frustrated during that time. I now understand they like doing that because it’s their strength. It’s who they are. But it’s not who I am. Now, when my air conditioner breaks, my plumbing leaks or my lawnmower quits working, I call my brother.”

Sam started laughing, remembering his old job, “I know just what you’re talking about. It used to frustrate me so badly when my superiors wanted to promote someone for doing a good job and all they thought about was that people in my sales division made more money. They would promote someone who COULDN’T sell a coat to a naked Alaskan and wondered why sales went down.”

“That’s exactly the point,” the TRAINER said, happy that Sam was starting to see the benefit in all he was telling him.

He handed him the next card. Sam glanced at it quickly.

Come back next Thursday in which the TRAINER teaches Sam about TIME and how that will get his COULDAS to CANS.

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Getting to Did, Part 4: NEXT STEP THINKING

April 9, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, planning, Success with 2 Comments

Last Thursday, the TRAINER taught Sam about ATTITUDE. This week he takes Sam to the next step–NEXT STEP THINKING. If you want to start from the beginning of the story, start with SAM’S CRUMBLING WORLD and follow the links forward.

NEXT STEP THINKING

“NEXT STEP THINKING simply means you need to be thinking ahead. Too often, people fail because they never think past what they are doing right now. Perhaps I should have called this LAST STEP THINKING. But if you think it is funny saying you CAN do ANYTHINGG with two Gs, imagine what people would say if the card read, ‘You can’t do EVERYTHING. But you CAN do ALYTHINGG.’

“Anyway, you can only get from COULDA to CAN when you plan. Where do you want your plans to end up? What will it take each step of the way? Think about it this way, Sam. Not that I’m big into borrowing money, but let’s say you were thinking of starting a business and were heading to the bank for a small business loan. What would you need to give them?”

“A business plan, I guess.”

“That’s right. Why? Because the bank understands this one fact—you only CAN when you plan.

can plan Getting to Did, Part 4: NEXT STEP THINKING

“This key is true whether you are talking about a project at work or home or about your life as a whole. I have to think like this in my work as a TRAINER. I have to ask people what they see as the end product. Are they here to be more healthy? Are they here to lose weight? Are they here to increase strength? Are they here to bulk up and look muscular? I have to plan their training around what they see as the end result. Then we have to establish a plan to get there.”

Sam interrupted, “I understand this. It’s just like the company I used to work for. Every year we had these planning meetings. The first step was to determine how the company should look at the end of 10 years. Then 5 years. Then we came down to this year. Where did the company need to be at the end of this year in order to be on our way to the 5 and 10 year plan? Then we broke it into the steps each department needed to take to get to this year’s goals.”

“That’s it exactly, Sam. I knew you already knew this stuff. You just have to apply it to your life as well as your company. Take a look at this card.”

Come back next Thursday when the TRAINER teaches Sam about YOUR STRENGTHS.

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Getting to Did, Part 3: ATTITUDE

April 2, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Success with 2 Comments

Last Thursday, Sam met the TRAINER. Today the TRAINER starts his teaching.

ATTITUDE

“ATTITUDE is pretty straightforward. I imagine a veteran sales rep like you has taught this lesson over and over again. I also imagine you know as well as I do that it’s a load of pop psychology to claim you CAN do anything you think you CAN. I don’t want you to think I am telling you to Positive Mental Attitude your way into success at anything. You can have all the PMA you want, but you’ll never swim your way across the Atlantic Ocean by yourself. However, if you already think you can’t, there is no way you ever will. Having a positive attitude doesn’t get the whole job done, though it gets you a good way down the road. Having a negative one, however, puts the job in the grave. Of course, that may be the reason you and I will never swim across the Atlantic Ocean.

“One of the best ways to work on our ATTITUDE is to work on how we speak to ourselves and how we speak about ourselves. People come into my gym overweight and unhealthy. The first thing I try to help them change is their ATTITUDE.

“They have to believe they are healthy people or everything I teach them will be an uphill battle. They have to see themselves as exercisers and healthy eaters. Otherwise all they ever see is an overweight, unhealthy person trying to conform to someone else’s rigid plan. They may stick to it for a while, however, it’s never internalized. They won’t maintain it over the long haul.

“What is your ATTITUDE Sam?”

“Right now,” Sam responded, “It’s pretty crummy. I’ve been told over and over again that I’m too old to fit in the modern companies and sales forces. I am starting to believe it.”

“You need to start here, Sam. You need to work on your ATTITUDE. You need to envision yourself already accomplishing your goals. You need to speak about yourself with positives and not negatives. You need to list what you are and what you CAN do and repeat those things to yourself. I’m going to give you a series of cards to work on each step of my CAN lesson. I hope you will go home and work through each of these. They are very simple, asking a few questions to help you think about each step of ANYTHINGG.”

The TRAINER handed Sam a card:

Come back next Thursday when the TRAINER teaches Sam about the importance of NEXT STEP THINKING.

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Getting to Did, Part 2: Sam Meets the TRAINER

March 26, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Success with 2 Comments

Welcome to the second installment of “Getting to Did“. Find the first installment here.

Enjoy.

The Trainer: From COULDA to CAN

Sam told Susan he was getting up early to have coffee with Dave and a friend and that he thought Dave was going to help him find a job. He left it at that. He wasn’t sure what all that COULDA, SHOULDA, WOULDA and GETTING TO DID stuff really meant and he did not want to sound like an idiot who had just latched on to some hare-brained scheme even if it did come from Dave. He especially did not want to tell her the whole point of this meeting was to help him get rid of his big BUT. Something told him she might not understand.

However, a few hours later, his excitement had worn off and Sam had trouble getting to sleep—but for different reasons than usual. He mentally argued with himself for several hours before finally sacking out.

This whole GETTING TO DID thing sounded odd. In fact, now that he thought about it, he should have just let Dave talk and then gone back to the classifieds to look for a job. All that CAN, SHALL and WILL stuff may be good for someone like Dave, BUT another call to his recruiter would be more helpful to Sam. Then he thought, “I can’t argue with Dave’s success. BUT it can’t be as easy as Dave was suggesting.”

*****

Since he didn’t drift off to sleep until nearly one o’clock, the alarm came way too early for Sam. His habit of hitting the snooze button took over. Susan, however, nudged him and reminded him of his appointment. He thought briefly about calling Dave and saying he didn’t feel good this morning and maybe they could do it later. However, if he wasn’t all that excited about the meeting, he was at least pushed by his pride on keeping commitments and being punctual. Those were two keys he had taught sales reps for years.

He showered, shaved, dressed and headed out the door. As he walked up Dave’s driveway at 5:44, the garage door slid open and Dave pulled out in what looked like a brand spanking new Mustang convertible with the top down. He stopped long enough to let Sam climb in.

“Midlife crisis?” Sam asked.

“Nope,” Dave said with a mischievous grin. “Second childhood.” Then he gunned it out of the driveway and they headed down the road.

“Ever been to The Early Bird Cafe, Sam?”

“No, what’s that.”

Dave chuckled. “You’re in for a treat. It’s this little breakfast and lunch spot. They roast their own coffee beans every day and they make these awesome sandwiches on Italian bread called paninis. My wife took me there once. I thought it was going to be one of those fru-fru restaurants for women. I was wrong. It’s my favorite morning spot in town.”

The conversation died down for a moment. Sam yawned and said, “I’ve been thinking, Dave. This can’t be nearly as easy as you made it sound last night.”

“Did I make it sound easy?” Dave replied. “Sorry ‘bout that, Sam. You’re right. Nothing you’re going to learn from me or my friends is easy. Yes, it’s easy to talk about. It’s easy to write about. It’s easy to hear and know it will work. In fact, like I said yesterday, most of what you are going to learn from us is stuff you probably learned in sales, you just didn’t know you could apply it to real life. But it’s not easy to do. Well, actually it is easy to do. The real problem is most of us just don’t want to. Therefore it’s extremely hard for most of us to GET TO DID. No, it’s not easy. However, it works; if you will.”

“I don’t know, Dave, what if I can’t do it? What if I’m not like you?”

“Sam, let me assure you, you’re not like me and you don’t have to be. However, you CAN do it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because, GETTING TO DID is not about getting you to do something like everybody else or anybody else. It’s not about getting you to be me. It’s not about getting you to do something you can’t do right now. It’s about you learning to do what you CAN. Look,” Dave pointed at a little café in a shopping strip, “we’re here and there’s my TRAINER’S truck. He’ll explain more once we get inside.”

Dave and Sam walked into the coffee shop. The smell of freshly roasted coffee mixed with eggs and sausage helped brighten Sam’s outlook a little. “Hey, Dave,” the two ladies working the counter said almost simultaneously.

“Hey, Tammy. Hey, Melinda. Two coffees this morning,” Dave said wagging his finger from Sam to himself a couple of times. “We’re meeting my TRAINER.”

“You must come here a lot,” Sam said to Dave as Tammy poured the coffee. He eyed the sausage Melinda was frying and said, “I’ll take one of those sausage and egg paninis you’re making.”

Dave chuckled, winked at the ladies and said, “This place has the best coffee in the world. So I meet my friends here pretty regularly. Like I said, it’s my favorite morning spot.”

From the back corner, a man waved Dave over and they walked toward him. The man stood as they approached, smiled and shook hands with them. He looked like an upside down pyramid—broad shoulders, narrow waist—Sam recognized this man certainly was a TRAINER. He must work for a gym.

“Nice to meet you, Sam. Dave has told me about your trouble and I have no doubt we CAN help.”

“That makes one of us,” Sam replied, trying to fake a smile so he would appear to be joking. Neither of the other two laughed and Sam flopped onto his chair feeling more and more like a failure in the presence of two truly disciplined successes.

They chit-chatted for a while and Sam found out quickly the TRAINER did not work for the nearby gym; he owned it. Sam felt a little self-conscious about his panini after finding that out, but not enough to stop eating while they talked.

Then Dave said, “Well guys, I think it’s time you two got to work. Deborah and I plan to visit her mother today. Sam, I’m going to leave you with my TRAINER. He’ll get you home when he’s done with you.

“Don’t worry, he and I’ll get together next week to deal with my business. Listen well.”

Dave took a final swig from his coffee cup and left Sam sitting there totally nonplussed.

The TRAINER smiled and said, “You better finish yours too, we’re heading out.” Sam drained his cup, asked the barista for a refill in a to-go cup and followed the TRAINER out to his truck asking, “Where’re we going?”

“To my gym. We’re going to start your TRAINING.”

“I didn’t think this was about exercise.”

“It’s not, but if we sit around and talk in there all day, I’ll end up eating more of those paninis and need the exercise like you.”

“Great,” said Sam sardonically, rolling his eyes.

*****

After a short drive to the gym. They walked into the TRAINER’S office. While the TRAINER walked around his desk, Sam sat down and said, “Alright, so what is all this COULDA, SHOULDA, WOULDA stuff? It sounded weird to begin with and the more I’ve thought about it, the more it sounds like gobbledy-gook. Do you really think you can help?”

“You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I’m not going to talk about the SHOULDA and WOULDA ‘stuff,’ as you call it. That’s for Dave’s other friends to discuss. I’m just the TRAINER. My job is getting you from COULDA to CAN. I understand your cynicism. I was just like you once. Dave, however, took me under his wing and passed his inheritance on to me.”

“Dave helped you?” Sam responded. “I thought you helped Dave.”

“We help each other. Dave has seen I’m really good at going from COULDA to CAN. I help him keep doing it even on days when he doesn’t feel like it. That’s my job, getting you to CAN.”

“Well, I guess that’s the problem right now,” Sam mumbled. “I am beginning to think I can’t really do anything. There are so many possibilities out there I COULD follow BUT I don’t know which to choose. And I don’t really know if I CAN actually do any of them.”

Sam was leaning forward in his chair, “I even thought about starting…,” he paused slouched back in his chair and continued, “never mind. What have you got for me?”

“Sam, your statements actually cut right to the heart of what I want to tell you. Listen carefully. I only have one lesson for you. After that, I CAN help keep you going, but it will be up to you to apply the lesson.”

“Alright, give it to me,” Sam said, pulling out a pen and opening his planner to a notes page.

“The lesson is right here,” the TRAINER said, pointing to a plaque above his head on the wall behind him. Sam read:

Sam laughed, “If it’s such an important lesson, you think you could have spelled it right.”

The TRAINER smiled indulgently and went on. “Here is what I had to learn a long time ago, Sam. You can’t do everything. But you CAN do ANYTHINGG.”

“Is that with two Gs?” Sam asked mockingly.

“Yes, it is, and let me show you why.” He handed Sam a card:

“These are the nine keys for getting from COULDA to CAN. Let me explain them.”

————

I hope you enjoyed today’s reading. Come back next week as the TRAINER begins to explain how to do ANYTHINGG.

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Getting To Did, Part 1: Sam’s Crumbling World

March 19, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, My Books with 19 Comments

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Sometime in the next couple of months, I’m going to be publishing my first secular, self-help book. If you’ve been following for a while, you’ve heard me talk about it before. The title is “Getting to Did: How To Get Rid of Your Big “But” and Live a Life without Regrets.” I’ve decided over the next several months I’m going to use my Thursday Springboard for Your Professional Life to blog that book for you. Hopefully, soon, I’ll even be able to podcast it for you. Today, You get the introduction. Come back every Thursday to find out how Sam’s story pans out.

Also, included in this post is a directory to each post in the series.

Sam’s Crumbling World
Sam Meets the Trainer
ATTITUDE
NEXT STEP THINKING
YOUR STRENGTHS
TIME
HONESTY and INSIGHT
NEVER QUIT
GROWTH and GOALS
Wrapping up with the TRAINER
Meeting the PROFESSOR
Getting the Weight of the World of Your SHOULD-ers
You SHALL be the Best You
You SHALL Go Beyond Yourself
You SHALL Prioritize and Wrapping up with the PROFESSOR
Sam Meets the COACH
PASSION
LOOK TO THE FUTURE
ACCEPT NO EXCUSES
YES MEN
Sam Wraps Up with the Coach
Sam’s First Council Meeting
Sam’s Rebuilt World

Getting to Did: Sam’s Crumbling World

Sam’s world was crumbling. Have you been there? Are you there? Are you afraid you are going there? Then you know how Sam felt. Not that his world had ever really been that big or that stable. But it had been his. It had been comfortable. Had been. Now it was collapsing.

Sam was 49. He had been semi-happily married to Susan for 25 of those years. His oldest son, Sam Jr. was 23 and a recent graduate from Sam’s alma mater. Sarah, the lone female, was 20. Scott was 17and would be starting his senior year in high school in just a few months. The youngest, Sid, was 14 and going into the eighth grade.

Seven months ago, Sam was at the top of his world. A few years earlier, he had been promoted to Vice President of Sales in the company that had pursued him as a salesman when he was 32. He and Susan had finally bought that bigger home. Since Sam had been given a company car, he bought Susan the Lexus she always wanted. Things were good. But then Sam’s company was sold. The buyer wanted to keep several workers in Sam’s company, but wanted to rely on her own management team. Sam no longer fit. She let Sam go the week after Christmas.

He was given a decent severance package, promised a good recommendation and then politely escorted with his box of office paraphernalia off company property, where he called Susan to pick him up because he was no longer allowed to use the company car. She handled the news relatively well. Sam cried for a week.

For months he called it his worst Christmas present ever. However, in years to come he called it his best.

Realizing Susan’s income, supplemented by the severance package and their meager savings, could support their lifestyle for about a year, he started looking for another job. “Really,” he thought, “I don’t know why I’ve been so depressed. I’m highly qualified. I have a Bachelors degree in business and marketing and a Masters in accounting. I’ve worked for the same company for 17 years. My track record is good. Who wouldn’t want to hire me?”

Sam, however, learned that “overqualified” was the politically correct and lawsuit safe euphemism for “too old.” None of the companies to which he applied wanted 49-year-olds with good track records. They were too busy head hunting 32-year-olds with promising futures.

Though he was only halfway through his severance package, Sam felt he was at the end of his rope. As he often did when particularly stressed and depressed, he manicured his lawn. Keeping his yard “green and pristine,” as he called it, was about the only joy he had. It gave him time alone to think, provided a sense of accomplishment and, if nothing else, hid from the neighbors the turmoil going on inside the house.

He had just finished and was sitting down on his back deck with a glass of ice water, when his neighbor, Dave, came around the corner of the house and said, “Hey Sam. How’s the job hunt going?”

“Great Dave, just great. You trying to pour salt in the wounds?”

“Still no luck, huh? Keep trying. Something is bound to come up.”

“I hope so, but I’m beginning to doubt it. Right now, however, I’m more ticked at Scott,” Sam unloaded.

“What? I thought Scott was the good kid.”

“He is, but we’ve been fighting a lot lately. He’s going to be a senior this year and I’ve been on him to get his application in to the ols alma mater. But he keeps putting it off. I told him if he keeps waiting, it’ll be too late and he’ll be stuck going to the local community college. Do you know what he said?” Without giving Dave time to answer, Sam continued, “He said, ‘So? I’m not sure I want to go to your alma mater anyway.’” Sam gave an exasperated “you know how dumb kids can be sometimes look” to Dave, but Dave didn’t respond.

Sam simply continued talking, “I told him I was only looking out for his own good. He needed to go to a good school, study hard, make good grades and then he could get a good secure job and provide for his family. You know what he said then?” Sam plunged on, “He said, ‘You mean like you?’ Talk about kicking a guy when he’s down.”

“Well, Sam, he does have a bit of a point. It’s hard to take that kind of advice from a guy whose good secure job has left him so insecure.”

Sam, his eyes wide, spluttered, “Well… yeah, I know. But I just want what’s best for him. My dad went to that school and so did his dad. It’s done all of us well. I mean, didn’t you want Dave Jr. to go to your alma mater?”

“I guess I might have, if I had one. But, I never went to college. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted Dave Jr. to go. I thought that was important, and I told him so. But I didn’t think it was so important he should sacrifice what he thought was important.”

Sam sat in stunned silence for a moment. Dave the most successful men he knew didn’t even go to college? How could that happen? He owned several restaurants and a few apartment buildings. In fact, it had always amazed Sam that Dave lived in his neighborhood, when surely he could have afforded something much more. Dave and his wife Deborah always looked happy. In fact, despite their having been married over 40 years, Sam always had the impression they were newlyweds. He chalked that up to no longer having kids at home. On top of that, he had heard Dave’s kids were also pretty successful.

“You never went to college?” Sam questioned, words tumbling out in gusts. “How on earth have you done so well? Did you get a big inheritance? I could sure use one.” Sam slouched back in his chair.

Dave smiled slightly. “I guess you might say I got a big inheritance, but not the kind you’re thinking of. I consider my dad one of the most successful men to have ever lived, but he never had much money. There were some things he always DID however. He always DID his best. He always DID what he enjoyed. And he always DID take care of us. He died while I was still in high school.” Dave paused, looked up and smiled again as though he had just relived some great moment. Then he continued, “He DID leave me a legacy of knowing how to get things done. That’s why I’m successful. That’s why I was able to start my first restaurant when I was 25 and then invest in several franchises over the years. That’s why I was able to get into real estate investing. That’s why I was able to quit working for money in my 40s.”

“Yeah, I coulda started my own business, but I was newly married and I needed the benefits, you know what I mean?”

“Sure, I know,” Dave responded. He continued after a brief pause, “Exactly what are those benefits doing for you now, Sam?”

“Well, I shoulda handled my money more wisely, but my wife and kids were always wanting more and I wanted to give them the best. You know, I wanted them to have what I never got.”

“How much longer are you going to be able to do that, Sam?”

“Come on, Dave, I woulda got a job by now, but all those companies want young guys. I feel like I’m in my prime. Fifty is the new thirty, you know, but they think I should be put out to pasture. I wish I had done things differently, but hindsight is 20/20. I’ll just have to live with my regrets. Right now I just need a job.”

Dave fixed Sam with a hard gaze. He paused for a moment as if measuring the words in his mind before letting them slip out of his mouth. “Sam, if you want my advice, you need to get rid of your big BUT.”

“What?!” Sam squawked nearly spilling his drink as he jumped forward in his chair. “You…you think my weight is holding me back?”

“Wrong ‘butt,’ pal. You’re filled with COULDAS, SHOULDAS and WOULDAS. Then you cap them all off with a big BUT. That’s why you’ve got so many regrets. You need to turn those into CANS, SHALLS, WILLS and DID. That was the inheritance my dad left me. He taught me to get rid of my big BUT, to reach my potential, getting past COULDA, SHOULDA and WOULDA and get things done. Or as I call it, GET TO DID. That’s what’s helped me be successful. That’s what’s helped me live a life without regrets.”

“Wow…I think,” Sam said, scratching his head. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. Sounds like some kind of crazy PMA stuff we used to get from the home office.”

Dave responded, “No, it’s not just PMA and you probably do know what I’m talking about. You just don’t realize it. You can’t possibly have been as successful at sales as you have been without following some of the principles I like to share with people. You just don’t realize how they apply to everything in life, even trying to make ends meet after losing your job. Somebody told me that Plato said all learning is really remembering. I don’t really know what he meant by that. But I’ve found that when someone passes on a true principle to me, I really already knew it in my gut, I just needed someone to formulate it into words to give it power in my life.

“I’ve been watching you and hurting for you, Sam. I normally wait until someone asks me for advice to give it, but we’ve been friends for a while and I’d like to ask you to trust me and let me give you some real help. In the end, if you think it’s crazy and my friends and I are just flukes or flakes, you can go back to hunting for a job your way.”

Sam crossed his arms and cocked his head to one side. “So you think you could help me by GETTING TO…what was it you said?”

“GETTING TO DID. No, I COULD not. I steer clear of the COULDAS. Rather, I CAN, I SHALL and I WILL. In fact, consider it DID.”

Sam’s face said it all; he didn’t get it. “Dave, what you just said didn’t make a lick of sense to me.”

“Of course not. You don’t know the tools yet. But if you’ll let me give you just a few opportunities to talk with my YES MEN and me, you’ll understand all of it.”

“YES MEN? I already don’t like the sound of this. I’ve never liked those kind of people.”

“That’s because you’re thinking about a completely different kind of YES MEN than I am. But again, that’ll be something you learn when you talk with my friends. How ‘bout it?”

“Alright, Dave. This sounds crazy, but I think you must know what you’re talking about. I mean, I guess it can’t hurt,” Sam gave a weak laugh, “When do we start? I only have about six months to get things on track or it’s foreclosure and dog food time.”

“Let’s start in the morning. I’m already having coffee with one of my advisors then. I call him my TRAINER. I’ve stayed in touch with him for years because he helps me turn my COULDA into CAN. I’ll let him know you’re coming. I CAN get him to clear some time for you and let him teach you the first step on the journey to DID. Meet me in my driveway at 5:45.”

———

I hope you enjoyed today’s reading. Come back next Thursday to get the next installment when Sam meets the TRAINER and starts learning how to turn his COULDAs into CANs.

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Getting to Did, Part 7: Honesty and Insight

HONESTY

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Getting to Did, Part 3: ATTITUDE

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Getting To Did, Part 1: Sam’s Crumbling World

Getting to Did: Sam’s Crumbling World

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