On April 26, 2003, Aron Ralston was trapped between a rock and a hard place. Hiking and rock climbing alone in Eastern Utah, his right hand was crushed between a shifting boulder and the rock wall. Over a period of five days he made various attempts to free himself. Nothing worked. When he ran out of his water supply, he was certain of death.

Rock Climber, but not Aron Ralston

Since no one knew where he was, and they would not find him any time soon, he tried one final desperate plan. He broke both bones in his forearm. Then, using what was left of his dulled cutting tool, he amputated his own right arm. He repelled into the canyon and hiked out to meet searchers.

I have used this story, as have other preachers, to talk about Matthew 5:29-30. It vividly illustrates the picture of cutting off something that seems important but in comparison to life itself is not. That is a great lesson. But it is not the greatest lesson to learn from this illustration.

The Real Lesson

While the cutting off principle is profound, the more fundamental lesson I learn from Ralston’s experience is don’t take this trip alone.

Yes, his bravery and courage at making that amazing sacrifice is noteworthy. But it might have been unnecessary if he had gone with a partner or at least told someone where he was going. As it is, he took the trip alone and got himself caught in a life or death situation that demanded the amazing sacrifice.

I’m sure you already know I’m not really talking about Aron Ralston. I’m talking about you and me. I’m talking about most of the Christians I know. I’m talking about most of the people I’ve met in churches all over who meet on multiple occasions in a building to talk about the Bible and worship God, but are actually taking the trip alone. They bump into others on the same journey on a regular basis, but they never invite them to actually travel together.

The Preacher said that two are better than one because when one falls the other can lift him up (Ecclesiastes 4:10). “But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” And I see this happen over and over and over again. Christians coming in contact with each other all the time, but not traveling together.

The Great Physician’s Hospital

Can you imagine walking into a hospital emergency room in which everyone whose name is called immediately begins to cover up their symptoms and protest that they aren’t really sick? You can see the blood trickling out of the sleeve of one potential patient, but he’s clamping it off and protesting that there is no problem. Another is coughing and hacking up blood, but claims that really she is alright and thinks she can go home now. Another has a slightly green hue about his face and keeps making trips to the restroom. You can hear him vomiting in there but when he comes out he is wearing a smile, sucking on a breath mint, and proclaiming that is all in the past and he’s okay.

I can imagine it because I see it every Sunday. Christ’s church is His hospital for the sin sick and death struck. He is providing the medicine that heals us. Yet, most Christians I know spend most of their time trying to prove to everyone how little they need the Great Physician. Oh, sure, we’ll admit that there are a few things that we just can’t handle, and Jesus will take care of those minor details in the judgment. But mostly, we’ve got it under control. In fact, it’s because we’ve got it under control that Jesus will take care of us (“unlike that tax collector over there,” we say under our breath).

I saw this happen with one of my best friends. It still breaks my heart. When I say one of my best friends, I mean it was a brother who I invited to travel with me. I shared with him my darkest confessions because I knew I needed help. My insides didn’t match his outsides. I couldn’t imagine that he had the kind of struggles I did and he never let me know that he did. But he was my friend and I wanted to invite him in. We talked. And we moved forward. Nothing much happened after that except I was open with my struggles. That is until about two years later when I received a call from a mutual friend (another one that I had invited on my journey). My friend, my brother in Christ, had been caught in an ongoing affair. Instead of repenting, he was leaving his wife. They are now divorced and my friend has never returned a single call I have made to him. I know this is not what he wants for his life. I know he has to be eaten up with the guilt and shame of it. But what really happened? He was taking the trip alone. And now he is caught between a rock and a hard place. Because he is alone, he can’t muster the courage to cut off his right arm. Sadly, he has been invited to have help, but he refuses.

I see it again and again. Christians who have shallow connections with their brethren, never actually sharing the journey. They have their struggles as we all do. But they want to keep up the charade of spiritual health. They don’t want to admit they’ve come to this hospital because they need treatment. They want to act like they are one of the Physician’s Assistants. So they stuff their own symptoms; they hide their own struggles. That is, until it has gotten so bad they can’t hide it anymore, but then it is too late (or, at least, so they think). The gaping wound is so large it can’t be covered up. Then, ashamed, they flee the hospital.

Invite Someone on Your Journey

We’ve all read, and some of us fear, James 5:16–”Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much” (NASU).

What is James really saying? Invite someone on your journey. Invite them to look into your closets and see the skeletons. Invite them to pray with you about them. Invite them to know the real you, to walk with you, to love you anyway.

Let’s get rid of that common invitation plea: “If you have a private sin take care of it between you and God, but if you have brought shame and reproach upon the congregation make it known while we stand and sing.” Hogwash! There isn’t a Bible verse that says this, and it is destroying our brothers and sisters right and left. Certainly, if everyone knows you’ve been in sin, coming forward at the end of a sermon is a great way to let everyone know you want to do right. But I’ve learned that keeping my private sins between me and God is a good way to just keep hanging on to my private sins. If you have a private sin, I’m not saying you have to “go forward.” But if you really want to overcome, you have to find someone to walk the journey with you. The more you try to hide your wounds, the bigger they get. Don’t take the trip alone. Invite someone along.

I Invite You on My Journey

Let me be perfectly clear. I’m not the Great Physician. Sometimes I like to think that I am. Sometimes I envision myself as the one who has all the answers. But I’ve faced enough in my life to disillusion me of that notion (though at times I do forget and that part of me rises back to the surface).

Not only that, I’m not even the Great Physician’s Assistant. I’m not even a nurse for the Great Physician. I’m a patient. I’m a registered, admitted, wrist-band wearing patient. I’m walking around with the gown open in the back, my back pressed up against the ice-cold, ceramic tile wall so no one can see my shame. Every once in a while I sneak into the locker room and try to put on a doctor’s white coat so I’ll seem more important than I really am. But in the end, I’m just a patient who has to be led back to his room, patted on the hand indulgently, and reminded  that I still have a long way to go.

A week ago, someone expressed to my wife, Marita, that they could never be as good as her because she is a preacher’s wife. I asked my wife, “Did you tell her about me? Or did you just let her keep believing that?” Oh how I wish that simply because I’ve decided to be a PR guy for the Great Physician that meant I was really all that great. But I’m the guy who plans on having a conversation with Paul about that not-quite-truth he expressed in I Timothy 1:15. (With me on the list there is no way he is the foremost of sinners. Though since I wasn’t around when he wrote that, I guess this small mistake can be overlooked.)

There was a time when I was sure I would be the perfect husband, the perfect father, raising the perfect kids, being the perfect preacher, producing the perfect congregations, writing the perfect blog, because I was the perfect Christian. There was a time when even though I knew it wasn’t true, I tried to get others to believe it. But no more.

In every aspect of my life, I’ve blown it. I’ve sinned as a husband, as a father, as a friend, as a brother, as a son. I’ve sinned as a preacher, as a counselor, as a teacher, as a brother in Christ. I struggle with covetousness, lust, materialism, pride, outbursts of wrath, gluttony, arrogance, selfishness. Marita and I have fights. I’ve had to crawl back to my kids begging forgiveness for not responding to them appropriately. I’ve been full-on involved in the competition for who is the best preacher. I wish I could say that was all before I was baptized or before I became a preacher, but I’m really just talking to you about the litany of things I did last week.

Hello, my name is Edwin and I am a patient.

But I’m in the right hospital. I’ve come to the Great Physician. He is healing me. He is giving me progressive victory over all my sins. He promised that I shall know the truth and the truth shall set me free. And it is. Jesus didn’t flip a switch. He invited me on a journey of growth. A really hard part of that journey was to invite others along. And I’m glad to say that I do have some real friends and brothers on that journey (you guys know who you are…THANK YOU!). I’d love for you to be on that journey too.

Trust me, no matter how great things seem today, you are going to fall at some point and you’ll need someone else beside you. Invite someone on your journey. Don’t be like Aron Ralston. Don’t take this trip alone.

Last week was New Year’s and many of us resolved to watch less tv, read more books. Whether or not that’s the case for you, if you only have one book that you have time to read this year…well, of course, make it the Bible. But if you have time to read two books this year, I’d like to make a recommendation: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding by Drs. Cloud and Townsend.

Check out the video review by clicking the link below.

(For my e-mail subscribers who can’t see the video, click here.)

These are the authors of Boundaries and their work just keeps getting better. This book came out in 2005 and, frankly, I’ve been kicking everyone for not telling me about it sooner. And I promise you this, you’re hearing this post today, if you don’t get this book for a week, a month, a year, two years, five years and then you read it, you’ll be kicking yourself too. In fact, you may even give me a call and let me come kick you.

Let’s face it. We’ve all got those conversations we need to have. Whether it’s with a husband or wife, a brother or sister, a parent or a child, a church leader or a church member, a boss or an employee or a co-worker, a neighbor, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and yet we’ve been avoiding them. Why? Well, maybe we’re just afraid of conflict. Or maybe we don’t know how to say what needs to be said. Or maybe we’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, or even worse that they may turn it around on us and hurt our feelings. But you only have to put that conversation off long enough to get this book and read it.

This book is jam-packed with powerful principles to help you make your conversations better. When you read this book you’ll learn things about clarifying the problem, making sure to keep “I” and “you” clear, balancing grace and truth, and other profound principles that help us know where conversations go wrong and how to keep from making those mistakes again.

But in addition to that, this book is filled to the brim with practical pointers. They don’t just talk about ethereal concepts and mystical ideas. They bring out real life conversations and real life situations and let us know this is how a conversation can be conducted and bring about good results.

Maybe you’ve had that conversation that you’ve been wanting to have with a wife or a husband, maybe with a boss, a co-worker, a church leader, even someone that you’re dating. There’s a chapter for that filled with profound illustrations that hit right at home where you’ve been, where I’ve been and help us know how to have those conversations. And help us know how to make those conversations draw us closer together instead of dividing us even further apart.

I just finished this book yesterday, and already it’s changing the way I communicate with my family. I have no doubt that if I continue to follow the principles that I’ve read about in this book, that I’m going to make my wife happier, which means my marriage will be happier. Not to mention, my family will be more productive. I won’t have to continue wasting time in those arguments about issues that don’t really matter. Instead, we’ll be able to spend time conversing and communicating with one another in a way that brings us closer together and helps our family have greater unity.

I want to thanks Drs. Cloud and Townsend for writing How to Have That Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding. I know it’s changing my life, and I know it will change yours. Pick up your copy today. Trust me. You won’t regret it.

—-

P.S. If I were a betting man, I would bet that you don’t need this legally obligated disclaimer to let you know that this post does in fact contain affiliate links. I’m not recommending the book just so I can get a kick back. I’m recommending it because it helped me and I know it will help you. But, while it’s helping you, why don’t you go ahead and help me. Use the affiliate links to get your copy ordered today. In fact, here are a few more.

As I’m sure you could see in the video, I read this book on the Kindle app on my iPad. Here’s the link for the kindle version.

Oh and maybe you need an iPad. Here you go.

Or perhaps you’d like to have the new Kindle Fire. I hear it’s smoking and so much cheaper than an iPad.

Perhaps you’d like to check out more books by Cloud and Townsend. Here you go.

You get the idea. Have a great week and some great conversations.

The more I’ve worked with addicts and dealt with my own sins, the more I’ve realized that most churches are falling short in a very important area–freedom from sin. Oh, don’t get me wrong. Most churches teach freedom from sin. Most command freedom from sin. But very few are helping people become free from sin. Most of them simply tell people to quit sinning and then slap them on the wrist when they catch them sinning again or belittle and shame them for doing so. What can we do about this?

Basically, here is the problem as I see it. Most churches deal with only one aspect of salvation–forgiveness. They are doing a great job at teaching people where to go to receive forgiveness. As a Christian, I believe ultimate forgiveness can only be found through the blood of Jesus Christ (Matthew 26:28). Churches teach that. I certainly think there are a lot of churches out there that aren’t teaching accurately how to come in contact with the saving blood of Jesus. But many are. In either case, these churches are teaching how to be forgiven. But that is not the extent of salvation.

“Saved” is actually a medical term. In the New Testament, it translates the word “sozo.” It means to keep safe and sound, to rescue from danger. It has an emphasis on saving one who is suffering, especially one who is perishing from a disease. To be saved means to be made well, healed, restored to health. This is more than just dealing with what has happened in the past. This is fixing what is broken. This is the side that is often missed. Salvation is more than forgiving the sins of the past, it is healing the person spiritually so they overcome the sickness of sin. Salvation is not simply forgiveness, it is freedom. As John 8:32 teaches, Jesus wants us not just to be forgiven, but to be free.

Let’s see if we can see a picture here. Imagine a diabetic who, because of his disease, has had some toes amputated from one foot and the other foot and leg removed up to the knee. Forgiveness can be seen as simply removing the problems of the past. The toes and leg are reattached. On the surface it seems like everything is now fixed. But if the person still has diabetes, what can he expect in the future? He’s just going to lose those appendages again. That is a picture of receiving forgiveness without getting freedom. We don’t just want to reattach the appendages, we want to get rid of the diabetes. That is a full picture of salvation–forgiveness and freedom.

Regrettably, on a practical level, I don’t know many churches that are doing a very good job at this side, especially not with people who are dealing with obsessive sins, compulsions, and addictions. Sure, we can point to people who used to do some bad things and then stopped. We can find some people who even made some drastic changes in their lives when they were baptized into Christ. They become our poster children. But then we meet someone for whom just getting baptized doesn’t seem to do the trick. Instead of helping them, we often look down on them as they repeatedly fall into their sinful patterns. We accuse them of not really repenting. In some cases, that may well be true. In others, they have repented, they just need some really practical help on actually overcoming the sins they wanted salvation from.

By the way, this is the point at which I ask all Christians, “Are you perfect yet?” If not, then maybe you should back off on accusing everyone who struggles with a sin that you don’t of just not being penitent enough.

There are some organizations that I have seen that actually are doing a great job at showing people how to be free and overcome. They don’t purposefully turn people to Jesus to receive forgiveness, so I worry about that. However, I think there is a place for churches to learn something from 12-step groups. I’m talking about those groups that are based on Alcoholics Anonymous. Many who once thought they were hopeless have found hope. Regrettably, they didn’t find it in churches. They found it in groups of people with the same struggle coming together to share their experience, strength, and hope. They found it in working a program outlined in 12 steps and relying on others who also wanted to quit whatever struggle they were having.

I think churches can learn from this. Though I don’t personally like the phrase “God of my understanding” found in the 12 steps of most 12-step groups, I think the principles behind these steps are profound and biblical. They have helped me in having progressive victory over my own sins.

I’ve got way more to say about what churches can learn from these groups. That will come in later posts. In this one, let me simply share a modified version of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Then let’s talk about how biblical they are and how beneficial they can be in helping folks not only be forgiven but be set free.

Step #1: We admitted we were powerless over sin–that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step #2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step #3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God in Jesus Christ.

Step #4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step #5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step #6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step #7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Step #8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step #9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Step #10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Step #11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God through Jesus Christ, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Step #12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sinners, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

(Adapted from “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions,” Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, New York, 2007, pp 5-8)

I’ve seen people working these steps gain a freedom that just being told to stop didn’t give them. I think churches need to learn something from these steps. Not that churches need to become mega-12-step groups, but that there are some truly practical lessons based in the Word of God that can help people who are really struggling. There is hope beyond saying, “Why don’t you just stop?” Let’s learn how to offer that hope and that direction in our churches.

Let’s talk about this. How biblical or not do you think these steps are? How beneficial do you think they can be? How can they be adapted scripturally in a congregational setting? Add your two-cents to this by commenting below.

***WARNING: This is the second in a series of three posts on this topic. And I repeat yesterday’s warning. This post will be specific, factual, and even explicit. However, I will try not to be gratuitous or graphic. But if you normally let your kids read these posts, you may want to read it first. If you’re good with that, click the “Continue Reading” link below.

Yesterday, I started a three post series on the lies of pornography. Men, I repeat that buying into these lies will destroy your ability to have healthy relationships with women, especially your wife.

So let’s defuse the power of these lies by exposing them and telling the truth. I’m covering 15 lies in all, here are another 5.

5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

6. The purpose of sex is to entertain, recreate, compete or conquer.

Pornography removes sexuality from its rightful place in our lives. With pornography, sex is about either entertainment, recreation, competition, or conquest. Please don’t misunderstand. I think God made sex to be fun. But the ultimate purpose is not for recreation or entertainment. It is not to provide you something fun to do when you’re bored. Even if looking at porn starts here, it almost inevitably leads men into the competition. Pornography says sex is about being better, doing it more, doing it with more women than the next guy. Finally, if it is a competition, it becomes about conquest. First, it is about beating all the other guys. But sadly, it becomes about conquering the women who might resist. This all misses the great reason that God gave us sex. Sure, God gave sex for procreation, but I’m not even going there. I Corinthians 6:16 demonstrates that God gave sex as a celebration of the unity between one man and one woman who have committed themselves to each other. Sex for any other reason is unfulfilling in the long run and leaves the participants empty and desperate for something more substantial than a momentary orgasm. Sadly, the only thing they have been trained to think will accomplish that is more sex, better sex, or even a different partner. So they find themselves in a dreadful cycle of emptiness, searching, and loss.

7. The winner is the guy who has sex with the hottest women or the most women.

If pornography turns sex into a competition, who is the winner? The one who has the most trophies, either because he has had sex with the most women or because he’s had sex with the woman the most men want to have sex with. This seems to work for a while. But as the man leaves yet another woman that he was unable to really connect with on an emotional level, the high of the orgasm wears off, and he returns to his empty house, the victory seems hollow. It doesn’t last. No one on their death bed is going to look back and say, “I’ve had a meaningful and productive life, look at all the women I’ve had sex with.” Or worse, he returns to the house where his wife is waiting for him to love her like Christ loved the church, and the weight of betrayal rests on his shoulders. In that moment, all the locker room bravado seems worthless. There is momentary pleasure in this path, but there is never meaningful victory.

8. Meaningful sex is about positions.

Missionary is boring. If you want to have good, meaningful sex you’ve got to learn the 25 positions that make her scream. At least, that’s what pornography tells you. This just isn’t true. Meaningful sex is about intimacy and connection. Many folks in the world can’t understand that. That’s why the newsstands are filled with the repetitive headlines about sex secrets as if you can unlock the world of meaningful sex by learning the right position, trick, or technique. Without connection and intimacy the greatest tricks, techniques, and positions are actually meaningless. Sure, they may provide a moment of fun and an explosion of physical pleasure, but that is forgotten once the deed is done. When sex, no matter in what position, draws a husband and wife closer emotionally, mentally, and spiritually because they are enjoying one another and celebrating their oneness, that goes with them when the physical pleasure has subsided.

9. The most meaningful sex is just having the most sex.

Pornography says that if you have a meaningful sex life, you’ll have sex all the time. With pornography, especially on the internet, sex is never-ending. There is always another picture, another video, another webcam. Anytime a guy gets the least bit turned on, the women of pornography are waiting. But as we said above, the true meaning of sex is about intimacy and connection. It is not about forcing your wife to put out every time something has put you in the mood. The fact is meaningful sex is about two people learning to communicate with one another about needs, wants, and desires. It is about recognizing that those things are going to be different for each partner. Meaningful sex is about finding the balance that allows neither partner to feel deprived on the one hand or used on the other. Meaningful sex is about letting each experience be one of joy for both partners, not simply physical pleasure for just one partner.

10. Size is the most important factor in being good at sex.

Let’s face it, we men were trained in our high school locker rooms to think that size matters most. We had our contests, if only verbally and full of lies. But pornography took it to a whole new level. Since in pornography the only parts of people that really matter is their genitalia and since it tends toward competition, it naturally tells men that if they don’t measure up in the size department, they can’t possibly please their wife sexually. BOGUS! First, if you are married to a woman who saved herself for you, she doesn’t have anything to compare it to. Second, even if she didn’t, size isn’t that big of a deal to many women. They aren’t seeking to have sex with the man whose manhood is biggest. They want to have sex with someone who will love them, protect them, honor them, care for them, provide for them, hold them, lead them, serve them, enjoy them, validate them, and take care of the children that might come from this sexual union.

Don’t forget to check out the final 5 lies I’ll be sharing about pornography.

P.S. If you missed the first post, click here.

Goals! Everyone talks about them. We all need them. But I’m convinced a mere goal is never enough. We need to move beyond simply setting a goal to having a vision of what life will be like once we have attained that goal. If all we have is a goal, then it seems like the end result is just achieving a goal for achieving a goal’s sake, we won’t stick with it. At least, I never do. So, whether we are talking about our physical, mental, financial, or even spiritual lives, we need to move beyond goals and envision what life will be like having achieved that goal.

Alright, so after Trina’s and Ethan’s wonderful honesty last week, I have redoubled my efforts to be healthy. Hopefully, that will have the side benefit of being thin. I’m still not sure about the juice fast. I’m considering doing a two-week fast for a body and taste bud reset and then progressing with a healthy, mostly fruits, vegetables, nuts, and beans diet (yes, I will still eat some meat). But this is tough. It is a retraining of my habits. Those ruts are laid down pretty deep in my brain, my psyche, my emotions, my life. I have a goal. I want to be between 175 and 185 pounds. That’s a 65 to 75 pound loss. That gets me close to my college weight and health. There’s my goal. But I’ve had that goal before and just setting the goal didn’t work.

So, this week I took another step that I hope will make a long-term difference. I decided to envision what life would be like if I was back there. I have a picture from my college days. It’s actually kind of embarrassing. I have a flop haircut and one of those braided belts that we used to wrap around by the buckle and then let hang down the front of your pants. I remember watching that part get shorter and shorter until I couldn’t wear the belt at all. Sad. Very sad. Anyway, the other day, I pulled that picture out of its collage frame and made several copies. I taped one to the refrigerator door, one to my bathroom window, one in my gym locker, one in my car. This is more than just a reminder of what I looked like. It is a vision of what life was like then. I was a rower at Wichita State University. I played volleyball hard every day in the dorm sand court. My knees didn’t hurt when I did that. My back didn’t hurt. I was flexible, agile, faster, stronger, healthier. I had more energy. I don’t just want to get back to the weight; I want to get closer to that feeling. Having this vision makes mealtime choices easier. Having this vision makes exercise choices easier. Still a struggle sometimes, but easier.

Then I began to think. What is the vision I have for my spiritual life? Certainly, I have a goal, be like Jesus. But what’s my vision? What will that look like in my life. What picture can I hang in my Bible, my prayer chair, my study to help me make the tough choices? I’ve thought about that for a couple of days and waffled back and forth, but it hit me this morning. I know the exact picture.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

–Galatians 5:22-23

For too long I’ve looked at these two verses as directions about how to act and what to work on. No doubt there are other passages that talk about the work we do in these areas. But that is not what these two verses are saying. These two verses are talking about the fruit of the Spirit. They are talking about what grows when I sow to the Spirit instead of the flesh. These two verses are a promise, a nine-fold promise. God is saying this is the picture of my life when I surrender my life to Him, walk by faith instead of by sight, carry my cross, and live for Him instead of myself.

Here’s what it produces for me. I become more loving. I have more serenity. I will increase my tenacity and perseverance. Kindness will overflow in my life. The goodness I’ve fallen so far short of in the past will start to be natural. Loyalty and faithfulness will abound. Meekness, submission, gentleness will mark my interactions with God and others. And all those areas that need some discipline will start to take shape. That’s what being more like Jesus looks like. That’s the picture, the vision I need to have before my mind’s eye all the time.

Those nine promises make shutting off the TV to spend some time in the Bible a little easier. Those nine promises make turning off the iPod in order to have some time in silent meditation and prayer easier. Those none promises make spending time with brethren easier. Those nine promises make mortifying the flesh instead of reveling in it easier.

Don’t just have a goal, have a vision.

The other night I was driving my kids to a trunk or treat. Ethan was Batman (read that with a gravelly, gargling marbles stage voice in your head). The part of the costume that was supposed to look like a huge muscular chest kept popping out and Ethan said, “I hate this. It keeps popping out and makes me look fat.” Trina quickly jumped in, “You mean like Daddy!” OUCH!!!

Ethan and Ryan immediately came to my defense.

“Trina!” they cried in unison.

“Dad’s not fat, he’s average,” Ryan said. “You look pretty normal to me, Dad.”

To which Ethan added, “From a distance.”

DOUBLE OUCH!!!!!

“From exactly what distance do I look normal, Ethan?” I asked.

“Well, when you’re preaching, I think you look normal. But up close, you just look fat.”

Now granted, I don’t have a perfect memory. I’m sure I’ve got a few words out of order, but I do not exaggerate. I haven’t edited to make this any more humiliating.

There it is in all its glory.

Then I remembered a documentary my aunt and uncle, Connie and Brian, told me about–“Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead.”

It’s a Joe Cross film by Reboot Media about going through a Juice Fast reboot. Check out the trailer above. Watch the documentary. I’m sure you can rent it at a nearby rental place. I watched it on Netflix Instant Play.

Now, here’s my question. Should I do a reboot? I don’t think I could handle the two month juice fast. But what about 10 days?

Who’s done it? How did it work? Who wants to try?

Let me know your thoughts. Comment below.

P.S. If you can’t see the video above in your e-mail, click here.
 

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. At the same time, if you always do what everyone else does, you’ll always get what everyone else gets. But sometimes, just sometimes, when you step out of the mold, stare down the critics, and do things a little differently, you just might take home the gold.

In 1968, the high jump was forever changed. Until that time, people commonly used techniques like the Scissor Jump:

Or the Western Roll:

Or the most popular was the Straddle Technique:

Then, Dick Fosbury came on the scene. Here was a young man who basically stunk at the high jump. He just couldn’t seem to get the necessary coordination together to truly compete. But instead of giving up, he noticed that the rules didn’t say anything about how to go over the bar. They simply talked about how to take off. So Fosbury began to experiment with different techniques.

He decided to try something different. He curved up to the bar on the approach and then launched himself in the air, twisting so that his back was toward the bar, arched his back over the bar, then lifted his legs up so they cleared. Surely there was something wrong with this. But, no. It was perfectly legal. The critics laughed at him saying he looked like a flopping fish. But Fosbury kept at it.

In the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City, folks laughed at first, but then were enthralled as Fosbury kept clearing his jumps on his first attempts. He jumped his way to the Gold Medal, a United States record, and an Olympic record. Today, almost everyone jumps the high jump using what has now become known as the Fosbury Flop.

Here’s the take away. As Christians and in churches, we want to make sure we always live by the guide God has given us. Just as Fosbury reviewed the rules and made sure his approach was sound, we need to do so with the Bible. However, we must not mistake what everyone has always done for Biblical doctrine. Further, we must not mistake what everyone else criticizes for error. Lots and lots of churches and Christians are sitting around bemoaning the terrible results they have from the way they are living their lives and running their congregations. Perhaps we need to quit worrying about the critics, quit worrying about what has always been done, and just try something different (so long as it is still scriptural).

As long as we’re following the guidelines God has established, in the end, we’ll take home the crown, no matter what anyone else says about it.

Let’s face it. We all have them. Favorite Sins. No, I know none of us would really classify them that way. We don’t like our sins. We’re trying to overcome them. We’re trying to get rid of them. But there are the sins we seem to subconsciously turn to when the going gets tough. We’ve said over and over again that we wouldn’t do them again, but then things get hectic and crazy and the next thing we know we did it again. Been there? I have.

Going Crazy

Whether your favorite sin is alcohol, gluttony, drugs, arrogance, pride, materialism, lusting, fornication, gossip, bragging, slander, lying, hypocrisy, or whatever, despite your intense desire to quit, when life gets crazy, sin becomes inviting. There is that little part of us that says our favorite sin might be the answer. It will be the one thing that can make sense out of the craziness, calm things down, and get things back to right.

That, of course, isn’t true. But it is what the father of lies will tell us. But in this whole description is some help for overcoming. What we need to do is work to keep things from getting crazy. Let’s back up and ask what is going on in our lives when we are feeling that kind of craziness. Are there actions or attitudes that creep into our lives signalling that little bit of craziness that makes our favorite sin attractive is sneaking into our heads and hearts? Once we figure those out and start monitoring our days for them, and getting rid of them as they creep up, we will be fighting against our sin even before the actual temptation to sin hits us.

With that in mind, I want to share with you some tools I developed. I don’t mean I developed the concepts. I just developed some Excel spreadsheets based on some things I read.

This may be shocking to some, but I have really received a lot of help in my own fight against all kinds of sins from 12-Step group literature. Yes, those set of Anonymous support groups that were inspired by Alcoholics Anonymous. You don’t have to agree with everything they stand for to discover that some truly legitimate help and good is coming out of some of those programs. I highly recommend at least exploring some literature that comes from those groups and goes along with their ideology. With that in mind, while reading some of that literature I heard about something called a Personal Craziness Index in Patrick Carnes’s book A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps, a book used by some 12-steppers to help them work through the steps.

Personal Craziness Index

Personal Craziness Index

The idea was to examine your life in all kinds of facets whether social, relational, financial, emotional, job, environment, mental, etc. Think back on the times you were having the hardest time fighting your favorite sin. What kind of crazy things were happening in your life that helped lead to the craziness that made your favorite sin seem attractive. For instance, your favorite sin may be alcohol. Where was the craziness in your life the last time you went on a bender? Was it a financial craziness? Did you quit balancing your checkbook, quit making your budget, start bouncing checks? Or maybe the craziness shows up in your relationships. Did you find yourself yelling at your spouse, isolating from your spouse, or getting passive-aggressive with your spouse? Or maybe both of those things is an indicator of craziness in your life.

Take a look at the different facets of your life and make a list of the things that go on when you are getting “crazy.” It may be as simple as clutter in the bedroom. Throwing your clothes on the floor and not picking them up may be a sign that you are getting to an unhealthy spot and life is getting out of hand. It may be as complex as starting to be controlling or manipulative to get people to do what you want. It may be something physical like slamming doors, verbal like yelling, behavioral like being chronically late, or spiritual like avoiding prayer. Make the list and then pick the top seven. Plug them into the appropriate spot on the spreadsheet.

Each night, review the day. Add up how many of the things you have done (or not done as the case may be) and give each one a value of 1. Input your score for that day in the appropriate spot at the top of the spreadsheet. Give yourself a 7 for any day that you don’t even do your PCI. If you are avoiding the index after you’ve committed to doing it, you’ve got craziness going on. Also, if you actually commit the sin you are working to avoid, give yourself a 7. Obviously, if you’re committing the sin, you’ve got the craziness going on.

At the end of the week, total your score and mark it on the scale. Do this for 12 weeks. You will begin to see a picture of your craziness and it will help you monitor what kind of craziness you are putting into your life. It will help you look at where you need to work to nip things in the bud.

No, this isn’t foolproof. You may be marking low scores but still having huge struggles. That just means you need to dig deeper. But this has been a big help to me. Thought I’d share. Click the link below to download the Excel spreadsheet for free.

Personal Craziness Index

Personal Serenity Index

Personal Serenity Index

The opposite of the craziness is serenity. When my life is serene, calm, peaceful, I have a much easier time fighting temptation. In fact, I seem to be tempted a lot less. So as I was working on my PCI one day, I thought about doing the same thing but on the opposite end of the spectrum. What kinds of things am I doing consistently when I feel the most serenity?

Again, this could be in all kinds of aspects of life. Some of the things on my list are prayer, getting my daily tasks accomplished, meditation, calling accountability partners, stretching or exercise, etc. Yours may include getting a set number of hours of sleep, eating a certain diet, going to a certain place, accomplishing a specific task. It may be as simple as telling everyone in your family, “I love you,” today. It may be more complex like giving yourself an extra 15 minutes to get everywhere you want to go. It may be avoiding something like certain tv shows (or tv altogether) or adding something in like making sure to listen to certain kind of music.

Take a look at the times you have had the most serenity. What things were you doing that contributed to that? Make a list. Then put the top 7 into the spreadsheet. At the end of each day, review your day to see how many of them you actually accomplished. Give each one a point value of 1, add them up, and record your score on the appropriate day at the top of the spreadsheet. At the end of the week, add your scores together and see where you rate. Do this for 12 weeks to see how it impacts you.

No, this isn’t foolproof either. You may be giving yourself high marks, but still having huge struggles. Again, that just means you need to dig deeper. But this has also been a big help to me. Thought I’d share. Click the link below to download the Excel spreadsheet for free.

Personal Serenity Index

Enjoy the Tools

I know we’re all walking this journey and we all need all the help we can get. I hope these tools can be a great help to you. If they are, make sure to let others know about them.

A friend of mine once said, “I’m an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.” At first, I was confused, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I could say the same thing. Therefore, it will not surprise you that the father of lies can trip me up by getting me to believe two contradictory lies at the exact same time. I bet he can do the same for you. As we noticed last week, Satan wants you to believe that every other Christian is more spiritual than you causing you to give up. At the same time, he will also try to get you to believe that you are more spiritual than every other Christian. Here’s how.

Lie #2: I’m More Spiritual than Every Other Christian

Perhaps you know the feeling. It is that little bit of you that thinks you’re better because you had perfect attendance to the classes and assemblies of the church this year. You accomplished that even while on vacation only to discover the local church was having a Gospel meeting so you attended all of their services as well. Not to mention you are the only one who is truly concerned about issues of modesty so you have made a personal rule not to watch certain television shows and if others were as concerned as you are, they wouldn’t watch them either. On top of that you have established an daily regimen of prayer and Bible study that would prepare you for the Olympics if that were a sport there.

Granted, yesterday, you felt like everyone else you knew was more spiritual than you are. But you seem to be the only one really concerned about all this spirituality. Everyone else just seems to be interested in making more money, being famous, enjoying recreation. That sermon was good for you, no doubt, but the person who really needed it was brother so-and-so. And, wouldn’t you know it, that was the week he went to the lake for vacation. “I wonder if he attended church somewhere while he was gone like I do.”

Perhaps you just don’t understand all those women who can’t seem to keep their houses clean and be hospitable like you. Or perhaps you just don’t understand all those men who have all that trouble with lust, it doesn’t bother you that much. Perhaps you just don’t understand all those Christians who get into debt and eat too much.

You find yourself saying, “I know I shouldn’t have gossiped about sister bless-her-heart the other day. But at least I haven’t been seen flirting with the preacher like she was. Oops, guess I did it again.” Or maybe something like, “I know I shouldn’t have yelled at my wife last night. But at least I haven’t cheated on her like brother such-and-such.” Or maybe, “I can’t imagine how anyone who calls themselves a Christian could ever do ________________________.”

And on and on it can go. You see, Satan wants you to believe this so you will quit striving. If he can get you to compare yourself to others and think you are better, you become self-reliant. You will be like the Pharisee in Luke 18:9-14. If he can get you to trust in yourself that you are righteous, he can get you to treat others with contempt and also get you to neglect the righteousness of God, refusing to submit to it (Romans 10:1-3).

Lie Busting

Truth #1: A physician heals the sick, not the well. Jesus came into the world to save sinners, not set up a club for the good enough (Mark 2:17). If you aren’t careful you are going to “good enough” your way right out of Jesus Christ.

Truth #2: God is your standard of holiness, not everyone else (I Peter 1:16). How are you measuring up to that?

Truth #3: When Paul said, “All have sinned…” he wasn’t making an exception for you (Romans 3:23). Check out Romans 3:10-18 sometime. He wasn’t saying you are a sinner if you are this bad. He was saying you are this bad if you have sinned.

Truth #4: Their sins may not be yours. But rest assured you’ve got some sins that aren’t theirs (cf. Luke 15:25-32).

Truth #5: This isn’t a competition. God has never said that whoever grows fastest gets the biggest reward. He’s never said you have to be better than your neighbor to be saved. Christianity is about you growing (II Peter 1:5-8).

Truth #6: In those areas where you have grown, you must never forget where you came from (Titus 3:2).

Truth #7: Any growing you have done shouldn’t be chalked up to your goodness but to God’s (Titus 3:3-7).

Truth #8: If you aren’t careful, while standing up there on your mound of personal righteousness, your legs will be swept right out from under you (I Corinthians 10:12).

Our adversary is cunning, baffling, and powerful. It may certainly be counterintuitive to think that he can get you to believe that everyone else is more spiritual than you and at the same time get you to believe you are more spiritual than everyone else. But he can. But even if he isn’t hitting you with both, he’ll hit you with one or the other. Don’t believe him.

Believe God.

How do you overcome Satan’s lies? For my e-mail subscribers, click the following link to add your input: Post a comment.

Satan is the Father of Lies (John 8:44). His master plan is to lie to us and get us to believe his lies. No doubt, some lies deal with issues of false doctrine. But that isn’t what I want us to consider in this series of posts. Rather, Satan sometimes realizes he can’t devour some Christians with doctrinal error. Instead, he tries something more insidious, something capable of knocking us completely off our spiritual feet. If we believe these lies, we will be taken captive and destroyed.

Lie #1: Every Other Christian is More Spiritual Than Me

Perhaps you know the feeling. Sundays are supposed to be days of uplifting encouragement. Yet, for you it may be the exact opposite. Rather, it is the day you have to get together with all those people who seem to have it all together. You see their nice clothes, beautiful smiles, and polite families and you are convinced you just don’t measure up spiritually.

Look at how they sing. Their mouths are open so wide and they look so into it. Look at how they pray. Their heads are bowed so neatly. Oh, and their whole family is holding hands. Look at how they listen to the sermons. Their Bibles are open and everything. Not to mention, they seem to know how to get to all those passages the preacher is quoting. Wow! I’m a slug. I wish I were really spiritual like them.

Oh sure, we know that everyone holds up their hands when the preacher asks, “Is anyone here a sinner?” No one holds up their hands when he asks, “Is anyone here perfect yet?” But you know folks are just responding in the way they are supposed to. “I mean, sure, no one is completely perfect, but everyone here is more perfect than me.”

Satan wants you to believe that you are only spiritual if you are more spiritual than everyone around you. Then he works hard to make you think you can never be as spiritual as all the people around you. So what do you do? You dress nice, put on your best smile, nod and say, “Amen!” You do your best to look like everyone around you, never considering that they are doing the exact same thing.

Lie Busting

Don’t believe this for a minute. Consider the following truths.

Truth #1) We are all at varying levels of spirituality, moving forward and backward. We all have good days and bad days. And we are all bringing our A-game at the assemblies. And we all know exactly how Paul felt in Romans 7:14-24 (even though some of us argue tooth and toenail that Paul was talking about his life before becoming a Christian).

Truth #2) That person you think is so spiritually awesome and you’ll never measure up to them is probably thinking the same thing about you. I will never forget the day a sister visited me declaring that she could no longer play the game. She had been wearing a mask. She just wasn’t the spiritual person she should be and she knew that people could tell. She told me about one sister who always looked at her in a funny way. She knew this sister who looked at her in that funny way had her pegged as the unspiritual person she really was. This stood out to me because the funny-looking sister had been in my office saying the exact same thing about this sister the week before. What would have happened if these sisters had just talked to each other and shared their real struggles?

Truth #3) God doesn’t accept you based on how you compare to other Christians. He accepts you based on whether or not you are in Christ and there is no condemnation in Christ (Romans 8:1).

Truth #4) We are all growing Christians. 2 Peter 1:5-8 demonstrates we all need to increase our faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. Do you know what that means about everyone around you? That means the person you are admiring and letting cause you anxiety lacks some faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love just like you do. That is where we all are.

Truth #5) You don’t have to compete with your brothers and sisters to gain your Father’s love. God loves you because He is love not because you are more lovable than the Christian sitting next to you (1 John 4:8).

Truth #6) If someone is looking down on you spiritually, that is their own sin (Luke 18:10-14). They need to deal with that with God. You don’t have to worry about it. A friend of mine once said, “It’s none of my business what anyone else thinks of me. That’s between them and God.”

Truth #7) Everyone in that assembly is there because they are sinners needing a Savior, just like you (Romans 3:23).

Truth #8) If anyone is there because they think they aren’t as bad of a sinner and don’t need the Savior as much as you, then they need to refer to Truth #7 (and perhaps read Luke 7:36-50).

Truth #9) God sent Jesus to die not only to forgive you of your sins, but also to grow you into the image of Jesus Christ and He will make that happen as you continue to love Him (Romans 8:28-30). Don’t worry about how God is dealing with others. Just pick up your cross and follow Jesus (Luke 9:23; John 21:22).

Don’t believe the lie. You are where you are. But if you are in Christ, you are where you need to be. God will grow you to where He wants you. Trust Him and hang on to Him. “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10).

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BTW: Special thanks to Todd Wilson. His book Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe gave me the inspiration for this series of posts. (Yes that is an affiliate link.)