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Dan Miller Recommends “Getting to Did”

March 23, 2010 in An Extra Springboard for You, Getting to DID, My Books, Our big BUT, Success with 3 Comments

Dan Miller, author of “48 Days to the Work You Love” and “No More Mondays” and the force behind 48days.com, is one of my reading and listening mentors. That is, I read his books and listen to his podcast as often as I can. I even had lunch with him once, since he is a local of Franklin, Tennessee. I love to hear his ideas and gain insight from his experience. He is definitely one of my inspirations for going ahead and publishing my first secular, self-help book, “Getting to Did.”

Dan recently read “Getting to Did,” and here is some of what he said.

“Today I had a last minute lunch meeting cancellation so I grabbed your book as I headed out to eat lunch by myself. I started through and just kept reading until I finished. The waitress joked with me that they were charging me by the minute. Anyway – what a great read. Obviously, your message was a home run with me – so many people I see get stuck somewhere along the path you describe.”

“Getting to Did” tells the story of Sam, a middle-aged man who just lost his job and sees his world falling apart. He keeps hitting one roadblock after another until his neighbor, Dave, takes him under his wing, introduces him to three new mentors, and teaches him how to get rid of his big “but.” If you’ve lost a job, are looking for a job, are trying to figure out what your life is going to be about, or simply want to improve how you do your present work, Sam’s new mentors can help you out. They can help you turn your Couldas to Cans, your Shouldas to Shalls, your Wouldas to Wills, and get rid of your big but.

Dan Miller recommends the book to his clients. He also wrote: “I just sent my copy to a client I’m working with right now…” Now I’m recommending this book for you.

If you haven’t checked out “Getting to Did,” you can actually read it for free, right here on my website. Start here. Or you can go to my webstore and get your very own copy to write in and reference.

Order yours today!

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Getting to Did, Part 23: Sam’s Rebuilt World

October 1, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Our big BUT, Success with 0 Comments

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found the final installment of my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the previous installment, Sam had his very first YES MEN Council Meeting. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Sam’s Rebuilt World

Sam continued with his plans. He turned his COULDAS into CANS, his SHOULDAS into SHALLS and his WOULDAS into WILLS. He got rid of his big BUT. He was consistently able to GET TO DID.

Don’t misunderstand. His life was no bowl of cherries. He had struggles. He had ups and downs. Some days, weeks and years were worse than others. He had times when he considered throwing in the towel. His YES MEN council helped him through those days.

In time, his business expanded. He employed others and eventually trained managers to start extensions of his company in neighboring cities. He began to write do-it-yourself manuals that he sold online providing residual income beyond his own personal landscaping work.

Sam began to teach these principles to his family, friends and employees. He was convinced that the more people he could help GET TO DID, the better his community would be. Sam found himself a part of several YES MEN councils. One of his greatest pleasures was seeing someone else GET TO DID.

He continued to celebrate his successes with his council. He even became a trusted advisor for each of these people who had been a help to him.

To each person he taught, he explained that the specifics in their life would differ. They SHOULD follow their own life’s course. But the principles would be the same, whether they started a business, found a job or just needed help with a particular project.

Sam’s biggest desire today is propagating the GETTING TO DID message as far and wide as possible. He is asking you to help. Don’t hoard this message. GO BEYOND YOURSELF and share it with others.

This is the end of Sam’s story.

Hopefully, it is the beginning of yours.

(Thanks for going on this journey with me. I hope you have enjoyed Sam’s story. I hope you have been helped. Please, pass the message on to others. Invite them to this blog. Better yet, let them know about the book. It will be published and for sale in October 2009.)

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Getting to Did, Part 22: Sam’s First YES MEN Council Meeting

September 24, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Our big BUT with 0 Comments

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam wrapped up with the COACH. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Sam’s First YES MEN Council Meeting

It was an exciting day for Sam. He was having his first real YES MEN council meeting. He was going to meet with Dave, his TRAINER, his PROFESSOR, his COACH and, as agreed, his WIFE. They were meeting, of course, at The Early Bird.

After introducing Susan to the rest of the council and vice versa, Sam said, “Well guys, I don’t know exactly how one of these meetings SHOULD be run. However, I’m sure none of you wants to sit here all day. Let’s get this meeting moving forward.”

Dave said, “Before we get to your items of business. I just want to find out what you have learned from my three friends.”

“Wow,” Sam responded, “I’ve learned so much from you all. Answering that question could keep us here for hours. I WILL sum it up. The fact is, you have taught me to get rid of my big BUT and live without regrets.

“The TRAINER has taught me how to turn my COULDAS into CANS. I have learned that I can’t do EVERYTHING, but I can do ANYTHINGG.”

Sam pulled out the card he had laminated so it would stand up to his constant referral.

Sam continued, “The PROFESSOR has helped me remove the heavy burden from my SHOULD-ers and turned my SHOULDAS into SHALLS. Three SHALLS in fact.”

Sam pulled out another laminated card and placed it on the table.

As the council members smiled, Sam went on. “The COACH taught me how to stay motivated and turn my WOULDAS into WILLS. In great football COACH fashion, he taught me how to always Make the PLAY.”

With a flourish, Sam produced one more laminated card and laid it beside the other two.

“In short,” Sam concluded, “you all have taught me how to GET TO DID. And I am so excited to tell you about what I have already done…DID.”

At this point, Dave jumped in. “Before you tell us that, I have one more lesson for you. It is the final lesson that gets you from COULDA, SHOULDA and WOULDA to CAN, SHALL and WILL. It removes all that excess flab from your big BUT. It GETS TO DID.”

“What else can there be?” Sam questioned.

“JUST DID IT,” Dave replied.

“Don’t you mean ‘Just Do It’?,” Sam asked perplexed, a feeling he had gotten used to throughout this entire learning process.

“No. That’s the Nike slogan. This is our final lesson. JUST DID IT. All the planning, counseling and motivating only GETS TO DID when you actually DID IT. After we leave this meeting, you have to go out and do it or, as we like to say, DID IT. We say it that way because speaking in the past tense demonstrates our commitment to making our goals realities and points out that until we actually DID IT, we haven’t accomplished anything.

“I am excited for you, Sam, and you, Susan. No matter what choices you make from this point on, whether they’re the choices I would make or not, if you’re following these principles, you’re going to have a new life. We are here to help you GET TO DID. Now, what did you want to share with us about your plans?”

For the next hour, Sam shared his plans with his council. He had decided to press on with his plans to start his own landscaping business. He explained how he was going to be able to start out without incurring any debt and then progress over the next five years to bigger and bigger business. He had even worked out a plan for hiring workers and then managers as his business grew. He talked about how he was going to grow his clientele through direct mail marketing, which he had used successfully as a salesman. Sam’s PASSION oozed for an hour.

The council listened intently. Dave, the TRAINER, the PROFESSOR and the COACH were excited for Sam and thought about how meaningful it was that they had been a part of helping a man who had felt defeated and desperate become the man who sat before them speaking with excitement and confidence. Susan, also listening intently, was excited to see such new life in her husband and was also excitedly thinking about the journey she could see stretching out before her as she learned to GET TO DID along with Sam.

When Sam was finished, the YES MEN plied him with questions to clarify his vision, gave him advice and then offered some practical help.

Dave, having seen how Sam manicured his own lawn, was willing to hire Sam as his landscaper on the spot. He even expressed that when Sam’s business had grown enough to cover the work and the contract was up with his, Dave’s, present lawn maintenance crew at his apartments and restaurants, he would let Sam bid on those jobs as well.

The PROFESSOR said she would put a word in for Sam when the university worked on the next year’s budget for landscaping. She told him to start working up his proposal.

The COACH said, “Hey, I’m living on a teacher’s salary. I have to cut my own grass. However, I know some people that might be interested. I WILL let them know.”

All in all, Sam’s first council meeting was a raging success. Sam and Susan left the meeting ready to get to work and ready to GET TO DID.

(Come back next Thursday for the final installment of “Getting to Did” and see how these lessons turned Sam’s life around.”

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Getting to Did, Part 21: Sam Wraps Up with the Coach

September 17, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, My Books, Our big BUT, Success with 1 Comment

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about YES MEN. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Wrapping Up with the Coach

As Sam looked up from the paper, the COACH asked, “What do you think, Sam?”

“This is great,” replied Sam excitedly, “I’m on fire. I CAN Make the PLAY right now on sheer PASSION alone. You, however, have helped me realize it won’t always be like this. I have to be prepared for those moments when I don’t feel like Making the PLAY. I need to LOOK TO THE FUTURE, thinking in the big picture to stay motivated even when I’m not on fire about what I am doing at the moment. I must ACCEPT NO EXCUSES but face up to my responsibilities and push on to success. Finally, I need to get a council of YES MEN who’ll push me where and when I need to be pushed.”

“You’ve got it. Any questions?”

“Yeah, WILL you be one of my YES MEN?”

The COACH grabbed Sam’s hand and shook it, saying, “I thought you’d never ask. How about we go grab a bite of lunch and have our first YES MEN council meeting?”

“Sounds great,” Sam said. As he walked to the COACH’S car, he looked again at the card the COACH had given him.

*****

Sam was so excited as he shared what he learned with Susan she could not make even one objection to what he had to say. To Sam’s pleasant surprise, when he finished his ecstatic description, she said, “I WILL be happy to let you follow whatever course you think you SHOULD on two conditions.”

“Really? What are they?” Sam asked.

“First, let me be one of your YES MEN and keep me informed about what’s going on. Second, let me live by the same principles.”

“That’s awesome, as long as you promise to really be a YES MAN or perhaps I should say, YES WOMAN. I don’t mind if you keep me in reality, but will you be willing to dream with me and make those dreams realities?”

“I’ll put it this way,” Susan responded thoughtfully, “I don’t think I am as far down this GETTING TO DID path as you. But I promise to keep walking it with you.”

Sam jumped up and kissed his wife. It had been a while since they shared a kiss quite like that one.

(Come back next week to see Sam set up his Getting to Did Council and moves on with success in his life.)

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Getting to Did, Part 20: YES MEN

August 27, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Our big BUT, Personal Responsibility, Success with 1 Comment

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about Accepting No Excuses. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

YES MEN

After reading the questions on the paper, he asked, “Okay, I get the PASSION, LOOKING TO THE FUTURE, and ACCEPTING NO EXCUSES. But what is up with this YES MEN thing? I’ve always hated that.”

The COACH responded, “Yeah, Dave told me you were already upset about that one. The normal connotation of YES MEN is dreadful. We don’t want people who just always say, ‘Yes,’ even when they disagree in order to get on our good side. That, however, is not what I mean by YES MEN. We want people who will challenge our thinking and expand our vision.

“These YES MEN are people with whom you surround yourself to encourage you and hold you accountable. They are the people who tell you, ‘YES, you CAN,’ when you are thinking, ‘No, I can’t.’ They tell you, ‘YES, you SHALL,’ when you are thinking, ‘No, I shall not.’ They tell you, ‘YES, you WILL,’ when you are thinking, ‘No, I won’t.’

“Your YES MEN are your accountability partners. Dave and I get together regularly along with the TRAINER and the PROFESSOR to act as each other’s YES MEN. Further, we get together with many of the other people we have helped along the way.

“I hope you don’t think it’ll be a cake walk from this point on. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve had this conversation with who end up settling for mediocrity in their lives. They don’t step up to the plate. When you talk to them today, they’ve just grown their big ol’ BUTS back again. Without fail, each one started back into their old habits of COULDA, SHOULDA and WOULDA by neglecting their relationship with their YES MEN.

“As you pick out your YES MEN, don’t pick out the ones we often think of as YES MEN, the ones afraid to state their convictions and disagree when it’s necessary. They won’t help you. Pick the ones who’ll push you. Pick the ones who’ll force you to get up when you have fallen. Pick the ones who’ll question you and make you clarify your vision and your course of action. Pick the ones who’ll ACCEPT NO EXCUSES. But make sure to pick out YES MEN who are willing to say ‘YES, you CAN,’ even when no one else has before.

“When you have established your council of YES MEN, be completely open and honest with them. Let them know your plans, dreams and visions. Let them know the obstacles you see and the struggles you face. Let them know your fears. Then listen respectfully to their advice. Remember, it’s just that, advice. You SHOULD still be you and you must make your final choices. Good YES MEN will ACCEPT NO EXCUSES from you, not even, ‘I did what you YES MEN said I SHOULD.’

“Here are the benefits of YES MEN. First, two heads are better than one. Even with all of your INSIGHT into your work and life, it’s still hard to read the label when you’re inside the bottle. It’s always good to get advice and counsel from others with differing perspectives.

“Second, you’ll be surprised how often your network of YES MEN can actually help you with your projects in practical ways by connecting you with others or with needed resources. For instance, when I first started working with this high school, you may remember the team had maintained a losing record for several years. The school board had cut the budget. We were in desperate need of new equipment and didn’t have the funds.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that,” Sam said. “I remember little Sam complaining about some of the outdated and dilapidated equipment. One of the local sporting goods stores stepped in and made some donations didn’t it?”

“That’s right. What you don’t know is those donations came because I laid out my troubles to my YES MEN council. The TRAINER had a connection with the upper crust at that store. Dave had an accountant friend who explained the tax advantages of making such a donation. Voilà, our equipment issues were resolved.

“The third benefit from YES MEN is they help pick you up when you fall down. Before I moved here, I had an experience so devastating I was ready to throw in the towel. I had made a few mistakes in my first head coaching job. Instead of letting me learn from them and grow, one of my assistant coaches, a man I thought was a friend, went behind my back to get me ousted so he could have the job. It was my introduction to another aspect I hate about this job—school politics. I was down and the ref had counted to 9. That was when Dave really came into my life. He had been my landlord for a few years. One day he was just checking out his property and struck up a conversation with me. I guess I needed someone to talk to because I just opened up to him like he was my best friend. He taught me about GETTING TO DID and ever since he has acted as my YES MAN, picked me up and helped me move on. I’m just going to tell you, you can’t replace that or manufacture it on your own.

“Fourth, maybe I think this because I’m such a people person, but life is just more fun when you’re sharing it with others. Your council of YES MEN gives you people to laugh and cry with. It gives you people to support and people who support you. It gives you people who will pat you on your back when you do well and kick you in the backside when you slack off. It just makes life more interesting and more fun.

“Finally, when it’s time to do battle and go toe to toe with the ones who’ll try to knock you down and keep you from reaching your goals, your YES MEN provide you with support and strength you WILL never have alone.

“My game is a game of YES MEN. I have yet to see the one man football team. No PLAY in my game is ever made by a single player. I never let my team forget that. We have to support each other, defend each other and bust heads for each other. In the end, I’m convinced there’ve been some games we won simply because we ‘YES we CANned’ each other through it.

“Here’s your final exercise. It’s pretty simple.”

(Come back next Thursday as the Coach wraps up with Sam.)

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Getting to Did, Part 18: Looking To the Future

August 6, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Our big BUT, Personal Responsibility, planning with 2 Comments

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about Passion. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Look To the Future

Looking up from the paper, Sam asked, “Okay, have PASSION. What about LOOK TO THE FUTURE? I already talked about planning and goal-setting with the TRAINER. Is that what this is about?”

“Not quite. Planning, or as the TRAINER put it, NEXT STEP THINKING, gets you from COULDA to CAN. We’re talking about motivation here, going from WOULDA to WILL. LOOK TO THE FUTURE is really about refusing to be governed by the present moment.

“Wait a minute,” Sam said shaking his head. “The TRAINER and the PROFESSOR both said all I had was today and that I needed to live in the present moment. How can you say I’m not supposed to be governed by it?”

“We live in the moment, Sam, but we aren’t governed by it. That is, there are some things we do in the present moment that we don’t like because we know where they lead. No matter how PASSIONATE you are, there are always aspects of your work and life you won’t be PASSIONATE about. I hate parent/teacher conferences. I hate grading tests and papers in the Math class I have to teach if I want to coach. What helps me keep going and plugging away through these drudgeries? LOOKING TO THE FUTURE. I constantly remind myself of the rewards of doing the parts that I don’t like about this job. First, if I want to keep looking forward to the parts I do like, I have to do the others as well. Second, even though I don’t like them, I realize they’re part of the process that accomplishes what I am PASSIONATE about. Those conferences help keep the parents involved in their kids’ lives. They help the parents know where I can see their kids going in the future. And they help the parents and me get on the same team. While I prefer coaching football to teaching Math, I can see that most of my guys aren’t going to make a living playing football and even the one or two that ever will are going to need life skills to be successful.

“My job is not well done just because my guys have a fun, winning season. My job is well done when they’re well prepared to go out and PASSIONATELY pursue their life’s course. On those days when I don’t feel like teaching Math or having the parent/teacher conference, I look down the road at the kids’ lives. LOOKING TO THE FUTURE motivates me to Make the PLAYS I don’t like making.

“Further, let’s face it, even with the stuff we are PASSIONATE about, we all have down days. My team doesn’t win State every year. We don’t win every game. And we don’t always have great practices. Some days, weeks and years, things just don’t go right. The players may not be the high caliber we need. We may have made a staffing error. I may be sick. Who knows, maybe it’s just raining too much. Nobody soars on an emotional high all the time; not even in their areas of PASSION. We have to learn not to be governed by that moment. We have to LOOK TO THE FUTURE and remember where all of this is heading. This is big picture thinking. Don’t get bogged down by the bad moments, days, weeks or even years. My father-in-law had a lot of bad moments. I always remember how he faced them. He always said, ‘This too shall pass.’ Don’t get bogged down in it. Just recognize if you’re working to make the PLAY these down times won’t last.

“LOOK TO THE FUTURE and remember what the whole journey is about. That will help you Make the PLAY even when you don’t feel like it.

“Are you with me so far, Sam?”

“Sure, this all makes sense. I have to learn to be motivated to Make the PLAY. That is a lot easier if I love what I’m doing, if I’m PASSIONATE about it. However, no matter how much PASSION I have, there will be down times. To keep motivated during those times I have to LOOK TO THE FUTURE.”

“Good,” the COACH said, “Now I know why Sam, Jr. was always so quick to catch on. Here’s another exercise for you to work through this week.”

(Come back next Thursday as the Coach teaches SAM to ACCEPT NO EXCUSES)

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Getting to Did, Part 17: PASSION

July 30, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Dreams, Getting to DID, Our big BUT, Passion, Personal Responsibility with 0 Comments

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam met the coach. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

PASSION

“First, we have to start with PASSION.”

“I think I have that one down,” Sam interrupted. “This goes along with what the PROFESSOR taught me. She said she was stepping on your field a little bit. PASSION means doing what I am PASSIONATE about, what I enjoy and can really get into. It makes sense to teach this while we talk about motivation as well. After all, it’s a lot easier to be motivated doing something you love than something you hate.”

“Allow me to illustrate,” the COACH added. “When I started off in college, I was majoring in Business and Marketing. My plan was to make big money in some Fortune 500 company. I had it all mapped out. You may love that sort of thing Sam, however, about half way through my junior year, I realized I hated what I was doing. That explained why I was always on the verge of getting failed for missing too many classes and why I started getting low C’s when I was usually a pretty solid A and B student. I was talking to an older friend of mine who worked as a high paid accountant for a local company. I asked him how he liked his job. He said, ‘I hate it. But it keeps the family fed.’ He looked miserable. In that moment, I decided I didn’t want to live like him.

“Getting to where I am now was a bit of a journey but this is where I SHOULD be. Most days, I can’t wait to get to work. It’s more like playing than work to me. I love what I do. I love the practices, the games and I love working with the kids. I feel like I’m making a difference in their lives. Sure, there are some down days. But most of the time, being motivated comes naturally because I absolutely love what I do. I have PASSION.

“One of the areas where PASSION is most helpful is in accomplishing those self-discipline habits that are so easy to overlook for a few days and then stop completely. I love to exercise and I love to be healthy. I start most days with running, swimming or something to get my heart pumping. That’s easy for me ‘cause I’m PASSIONATE about exercise and health.

“My sister, on the other hand, hates exercise. I helped her get started running. She got so upset, wondering when it would be fun, natural or easy like the running magazines said it would. As I was helping her get into the habit I tried everything. I tried systems of rewards and punishments. I tried getting her to read about healthy people and unhealthy people and what their lives are like when they’re older. I tried guilt. I tried praise.

“Then one night she had me and my family over for dinner. I was in a slightly grumpy mood over issues at the school. Therefore, regrettably I was being a little short about everything. As usual, the issue of the kids growing quickly came up and she said something about her seven year old’s graduation being just around the corner. Without any real intention of trying to impact her health and mostly because I was irritated anyway I somewhat caustically said, ‘I hope you’re still around for it.’

“The conversation that ensued was life-changing for her. For all we had tried, she never made the connection between her health and her relationship with her children. If she is not PASSIONATE about her health or exercise, she is extremely PASSIONATE about her family. When she made that connection, the PASSION for health and exercise was suddenly in place. She can’t run circles around me, but she’s sure trying.

“Work to tie those pesky habits of self-discipline about which you can hardly be PASSIONATE to something about which you are PASSIONATE. Then be amazed at how much easier those issues become.”

“That’s powerful,” Sam replied. “I’ve never thought about that before. The health and kid thing, that is. Maybe all of this is going to help me with more than just my financial life.”

“Let me explain the other benefit of PASSION. Not only does it help you get up in the morning, it also helps you strive for excellence. There are coaches who are just making a paycheck. They played football in high school and thought it would be an easy job. You can tell their teams; they have the losing records. The ones with PASSION push that extra mile. Since they are so PASSIONATE about what they do, they want to be the best they can possibly be. Good enough is never good enough for the PASSIONATE. They don’t settle for minimum job requirements. They go above and beyond for the sake of their PASSION.

“If you’re going to Make the PLAY, Sam, you’ve got to have PASSION.”

“PASSION. Got it,” Sam responded.

“Listen, I have some exercises for you to work through this week,” the COACH said handing Sam a piece of paper.

“Why am I not surprised?” Sam asked as he looked at it.

(Come back next Thursday when the coach teaches Sam to Look to the Future.)

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Getting to Did, Part 16: Sam Meets the COACH

July 23, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Fathers, Getting to DID, Our big BUT, Personal Responsibility, productivity with 0 Comments

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned “You SHALL Prioritize” If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

From WOULDA to WILL: Sam Meets the COACH

Sam had a great week. He began by sitting down with his 17 year old son, Scott.

“Son, I want to talk to you about college…”

“Look, Dad,” Scott interjected, “I’m tired of arguing about this with you. I wish you’d just leave me alone about it. I don’t want to go to your school and I’m not sure I even want to go to school period.”

Sam took a deep, steadying breath, and said, “I know, and that’s okay with me.”

“What!?” Scott said with a double take at his dad. Then with a knowing smile, “Okay Dad, what self-help, get what you want out of your kids, parenting book are you trying to use on me this week?”

“None,” Sam said with a guess-I-deserved-that smile, “I’ve been talking with a couple of friends who’ve helped me see myself a little better. It’s not fair or right of me to expect you to be me. You SHOULD be you. Don’t get me wrong, nothing would make me happier than you going to my old school. And I still think it’s a great choice. But the choice is yours, not mine. I just want you to know that whatever choices you make, so long as I don’t think they are immoral, I WILL support you in them. Further, no matter what choices you make, even if I can’t support them, I WILL always love you.”

Scott just sat there looking shocked. Sam smiled and said, “If you want to talk to me more about what you plan to do after high school, just let me know. I love you, Scott.” He hugged his son and then left Scott in stunned silence.

The most amazing thing about this was it lifted a great weight off Sam’s shoulders. Realizing this choice was Scott’s and not his meant he didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

Further, even though Scott had not yet taken Sam up on his offer to talk more about his post-graduation plans, he was now talking to him with the warmth and respect he had before the college rift occurred.

While Sam was still in contact with his recruiter and keeping his eyes open for a good job opportunity, he was also developing plans to start his own business. Sam knew most people would think he was nuts starting his own landscaping business. After all, he thought, how many people actually like cutting grass and trimming shrubs? Yet, he did.

On top of that, he was actually excited about it. What made him most excited was that, for him, this wasn’t really about making money, though he was honest and down to earth enough to know he did have to do that. His real thought was what his neighborhood would look like if he were able to take care of the landscaping. Further, he thought of all the people he could serve because they didn’t like cutting the grass and digging flower beds.

There was no doubt about it, Sam was excited. He couldn’t wait to meet with Dave’s third friend—the COACH, whatever that was supposed to mean.

*****

The day finally arrived. Sam was waiting in Dave’s driveway as the garage door lifted. He got in the car and said, “I’m ready for The Early Bird.”

Dave chuckled and headed down the now familiar road to his favorite coffee and breakfast spot. “How’s your week been? You seem a little more up than two weeks ago.”

“I’m on fire this week. I can’t wait to meet your COACH friend and learn how to get from WOULDA to WILL.”

They pulled into The Early Bird parking lot and walked in, talking jovially. As they entered, Tammy and Melinda chimed, “Hey Dave. Hey Sam.” Melinda added, “We have some great coffee cake today. You SHOULD branch out and try it.”

“I SHOULD huh,” Sam smiled and winked at Dave. “Well, if you say so, I guess I SHALL.”

As they waited for their coffee and breakfast, Sam recognized his oldest son’s high school football coach sitting at the back table. “Is he your COACH?” he asked.

“That’s him,” Dave replied.

“You know, he’s the winningest coach in our school’s history.”

“I know,” Dave responded.

As they walked to the table, the COACH jumped up and grabbed Sam’s hand, shaking it vigorously. “Hey Sam, I wondered if you were the Sam Dave had been talking about. I sure miss Sam, Jr. He helped make my first couple of years easy. I was always surprised he didn’t stick with it in college. But, I guess each of us SHOULD do what we think is best.”

“That’s right,” Dave interjected. “Not to change the subject, but what do you think about your upcoming season?”

They spent the next few minutes talking about football, their chances of winning State again, and generally just shooting the breeze.

Finally, Dave stood up and said, “Well guys, it’s great looking into our local sports future, however, it’s time for me to hit the road. I have my own future to work on today and so do you Sam.”

He shook the COACH’S hand, turned to Melinda and said, “Can I have a piece of that coffee cake to go, please? Deborah will love it. Make it two, she doesn’t have to know I ate one here.” He received his order, waved goodbye to Sam and the COACH and headed out the door.

Sam turned to the COACH, “I had no idea you were the COACH Dave was talking about. I would have called you last week if I had. What’s your connection with Dave?”

“That’s a long story, Sam. Let’s just say he helped me get through a tough time when I thought about giving up. He helped me get my WOULDA to WILL and has helped me keep it there ever since. If I didn’t think the school board would cut my salary and give half of it to him, I’d let them know how much his influence has actually made our team what it is.”

The COACH drained his coffee cup and then continued, “Let’s get’r done. We’ve got a lot to talk about and I want to do it on familiar turf.”

*****

The COACH took Sam to the high school. Instead of going to an office, he walked him onto the football field and said, “This is my sanctuary right here. This is always right. Struggle, survival, victory, and defeat. It’s just a game, but I love it.”

Sam laughed, “Isn’t that from Remember the Titans?”

The COACH coughed slightly and said, “Yeah. Well…I’ve always wanted to say that. Anyway, let’s get started. Head to the locker room. You remember where it is, don’t you?”

As they walked, the COACH kept talking, “My job is to help you turn your WOULDAS into WILLS. Far too often there are all kinds of things we think we WOULD do, BUT something gets in the way. Looking back, we WOULDA studied harder in college, BUT we didn’t know how important it was. We WOULDA saved more money for retirement, BUT it was too hard to make ends meet. We WOULDA gone further in our career, BUT it seemed like our boss was out to get us. WOULDA, WOULDA, WOULDA, before long our lives are just one big BUT.

“Up to this point you have learned what you CAN do; that was the TRAINER’S job. You have also learned what you really SHOULD do or as we say, SHALL do; that was the PROFESSOR’S job. Now we merge those two and focus on following through with what you WILL do. Are you ready?”

“I was ready last week. Let’s get this show on the road,” Sam answered as they walked into the locker room.

“The keys I’m going to teach you are the same ones I pass on to my football team. Take a look at the sign above the door. My guys see it every time they head out to the field.”

Sam turned around and looked up to see a sign that read:

“That’s great for football,” Sam retorted, “but what does that have to do with me? Wait…let me guess—you have a card that explains it.”

The COACH laughed and pulled a card out of a small rack on the wall beside the door. It read:

“What is it with you people and acrostics?” Sam quipped.

“They make life fun. Who knows? Maybe one day Dave will write a book about GETTING TO DID and all the hard work will already be done. Anyway, this is the key to turning your WOULDAS into WILLS. This is the key to maintaining motivation.”

“Alright, what does it mean? I’m not sure I like the sound of ‘Yes Men,’” Sam replied.

“We’ll get to them in a minute.

(Come back next Thursday as the COACH teaches Sam about Passion.)

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Getting to Did, Part 15; You SHALL Prioritize and Wrap Up with the PROFESSOR

July 16, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Our big BUT, Personal Responsibility with 2 Comments

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned “You SHALL Go Beyond Yourself.” If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

You SHALL Prioritize

Sam looked down at the business card and said, “Alright, You Shall be the Best You. You Shall Go Beyond Yourself. Let’s look at the third one.”

“You SHALL Prioritize,” the PROFESSOR intoned.

“I think I know what this one means,” Sam said. “There’s only so much TIME in a day. Even when I’m being the best me and striving to give of myself to the community, I still can’t do everything. I SHOULD choose what I’m going to focus on.”

“That’s exactly right,” the PROFESSOR said. “Obviously, in any job or in any role you fill, there are some things you have to do because they are your responsibilities and you are not free to delegate them to anyone else. However, beyond those, you need to give careful thought to what you are going to devote your time. This is PRIORITIZING. If you over-schedule and over-commit, you will have a lot of irons in the fire, but none of them will be getting hot enough to use.”

“How SHALL I prioritize?” Sam questioned.

“One great practical test for prioritizing your life is the obituary test. When you die, what would you like written in your obituary? When you figure out what things you would like people to say about you after you’re gone, you can start focusing on accomplishing those goals while you’re still here. However, the truth of the matter is the issue is really not so much determining what you will do. The issue is determining what you will not do. You can determine what you do by following the first two SHALLS. The problem is there will be all kinds of distractions. Not a day will go by that you won’t think or hear about some other good work in which you will think you SHOULD be involved. You have to learn to say, ‘No,’ to what is merely good so you can be involved in what is absolutely great. Listen to me on this one, Sam; there are enough people in the world to get everything done. But only if each of us do what is best for us to do.

“Do not get bogged down trying to do other things. If an activity will not help you further your PRIORITIES, cut it out. If it is not helping accomplish the goals, it is detrimental to them. That is why I do not get the coffee during PRIORITY meetings.

“Become the best you you can be by following your strengths and your passions, then go beyond yourself by giving to your family and community. Then choose the important things you are going to focus on and PRIORITIZE them by throwing yourself into them like there is no tomorrow. Go full tilt.

“Finally, do not waste time today worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. Yes, you SHOULD learn from your mistakes and successes. However, you must not become so bothered by them that you stop succeeding today. Additionally, you must never become so enamored with your past successes that you do not move on and succeed again today. Yes, you SHOULD plan for the future, but you must not spend so much time worrying about what might or might not happen tomorrow that you forget to act today. Most of the time, the things we worry about never happen. Most of the ones that do, do so because we worried them into existence. We can’t do anything about yesterday or tomorrow. We can only act today. That is PRIORITIZING.”

“Alright, I get it,” responded Sam. “I SHALL be the best me I CAN. I SHALL go beyond myself. However, in all of this, I must not get so bogged down in trying to do everything. I need to focus. I need to PRIORITIZE what I’m going to do and throw myself into those few things as hard as I CAN and not be distracted by the things that are not a part of those goals.”

“I wish all of my students were as receptive and quick as you are, Sam,” the PROFESSOR responded. “Here’s your last homework assignment.”

“What do you think, Sam?” asked the PROFESSOR

“I don’t know. This was like being with the TRAINER. It’s overwhelming. It makes sense, but I’m not sure I CAN get my mind or my life around it all.”

“That is a natural feeling to have, Sam. Turning your SHOULDAS into SHALLS is a lifetime process. You will not master it overnight. This is about progress not perfection. However, the more you work on it, the more meaningful your life will be. Go home tonight and watch Mr. Holland’s Opus and do the rest of your homework. When you’re done, break the molds and erase the prophecies that have grown up around your life, figure out where your strengths and your passions intersect, then figure out how to best use those to give to your family and your community. Do not let anyone or anything distract you from the PRIORITIES you land upon. Unless something so powerful and meaningful comes along that you are willing to realign your life and drop one of your other main focuses, let the new activity pass.

“Well, Sam. I think it is time for lunch. We have a great little restaurant in our student center. Plus, if you are with me, I CAN get you a discount. We’ll get to know one another a little better and then I’ll get you home where you CAN internalize all of this.”

*****

While Sam and the PROFESSOR ate lunch, he pulled out the business card she gave him and looked at it again.

*****

Sam showed Susan his new card when he got home and explained it to her. She thought it was intriguing. In fact, she thought a lot of what Sam said applied to her as well. At least this time, she didn’t try to discourage Sam from continuing to talk to Dave and his friends. She just hoped whatever Dave was going to do would happen soon. She was getting a little nervous.

Sam didn’t wait for Dave to call him this time. In fact, the very next day he called Dave and asked to meet him for mid-morning coffee at The Early Bird.

While they drank their coffee, Dave asked, “Have you learned anything yet?”

“Yes, I have learned to turn my COULDAS into CANS, knowing that I can’t do everything but I can do ANYTHINGG—with two Gs. Also, I have learned to turn my SHOULDAS into SHALLS by relieving some of the weight from my SHOULD-ers. My only concern is whether or not all of this will be just like all the other self-improvement fads I’ve been through. Like you said when I asked you last week, this is easy, but at the same time it’s not. I can already tell I’m going to be my own worst enemy. How can I make sure to keep this up and GET TO DID?”

“Sam, that goes right into what you will learn from my third friend next week. We call him our COACH. The principles he teaches WILL keep you motivated and get you from WOULDA to WILL. In addition to that, don’t forget we’re still here as your support team. I still work with the TRAINER, the PROFESSOR and the COACH because I have down days as well. I don’t know who said it, but I once heard a great quote. ‘The only people who are always at their best are the mediocre ones.’ We’re striving to excel, but we will not always fly high. That’s why we help each other. I hope in time, you WILL grow to be a help to me as well.”

“I hope so too,” Sam said with a smile. “I look forward to that day. I certainly appreciate all the help you’re being right now. When do I get to meet the COACH?”

“I know you’re anxious, Sam. However, let’s stay on schedule. Soak in and think about what the PROFESSOR had to say. Do the homework she gave you. See how it goes along with what you learned from the TRAINER and next week you’ll meet the COACH bright and early.”

“I’ll be there,” Sam said brightly.

(Come back Next Thursday as Sam meets the COACH.)

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Getting to Did, Part 14; You SHALL Go Beyond Yourself

July 9, 2009 in A Springboard for Your Professional Life, Getting to DID, Our big BUT, Personal Responsibility, Serving with 1 Comment

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned “You SHALL Be the Best You.” If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” and follow the successive links.)

You SHALL Bo Beyond Yourself

“You SHALL go beyond Yourself,” began the PROFESSOR.

“That sounds odd,” Sam interrupted, looking down at the business card again. “It seems to contradict your first statement. First, I’m supposed to be me, now I’m supposed to be more than me? I don’t get it.”

“Yes,” the PROFESSOR replied. “On the surface, they do seem to contradict. However, this statement does not mean we should be more than who we are. Our first SHALL is all about just being ourselves, this one is about thinking about more than ourselves.

“If I might moralize for a moment, I don’t think we are here just to get personal fulfillment out of life. Further, I do not think we get personal fulfillment out of life by seeking our own anyway. I do think we are here to add to our world. I do think we are here to help others be more and do more. The greatest fulfillment I have ever had is when I have given of myself to others.

“Have you ever seen the movie Mr. Holland’s Opus?”

“No,” Sam replied.

“Oh that is too bad,” the PROFESSOR responded. “I’m giving you another homework assignment, go home and watch that movie. Richard Dreyfuss plays the main character, Mr. Holland. At the beginning of it, he is a young musician planning to be famous. He is already working on a symphony that will make him rich. He takes a teaching job to pay the bills and support his composing until he finally hits the big time. At first, he hates teaching. He cannot stand the kids and, frankly, they can’t stand him either. Then his principal rebukes him, pointing out that his job is not just passing on information. It is also providing a compass in life for the kids.

“That starts a change. As the movie continues, he no longer views teaching as a means to get a paycheck so he can do his own thing. Rather, he focuses on the joy of helping the students have breakthroughs. There is more to the movie, but Mr. Holland’s journey is one of becoming a servant. When his work as a teacher ceases to be a self-serving way to make money and pay for his real dream and becomes an opportunity to serve others and make a difference, he really begins to write his own magnum opus.

“Toward the end of the movie, Mr. Holland’s school hits financial difficulties and cuts his department. He sums up his journey saying, ‘It’s almost funny. I got dragged into this gig kicking and screaming and now it’s the only thing I want to do…’

“I will not ruin the movie for you completely. However, this is what I mean by going beyond yourself. If your life is only ever about you, it will be miserable, no matter how much money you make or how far you go. However, if you go beyond yourself to give to others, helping them be more, you will find fulfillment and meaning in life.

“Why do you think Dave reaches out and gives his time to help people like you and me? He understands this point.

“As you think about what you are going to do and how you are going to approach it, it SHOULD not be just about you getting what you want. It SHOULD be about you giving to your family and to your community.

“Really, our society is amazing. We went from the 1960’s when a president who was considered part of the liberal political party told the nation, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country’ to the 1980’s when one of the most conservative of the conservatives ran asking the nation the all important question, ‘Are you better off than you were four years ago?’ We are close to 30 years beyond that now. Some suggest we are riding the pendulum back to a community and service mindset. I hope so. Nevertheless, Sam, if you simply strive to hoard to yourself, your life will be wasted. You SHALL go beyond yourself. You SHALL shamelessly give yourself to others.”

“So, what you’re saying is this:” Sam cut in, “if I really want to have a meaningful life and personal fulfillment, I need to give to others.”

“Yes and no. If you are only giving to others in order to have personal fulfillment, it will not work. That is manipulation and hypocrisy. No, do not give just to receive. Instead, learn to give of yourself to your family and your community simply for the sake of serving others, treating others the way you want to be treated simply because it is the Next Right Thing. If you do that, then, yes, you will have personal fulfillment and a meaningful life. Do not question me too deeply about it. I do not know why it works. I’m merely certain it does.

“You SHALL go beyond yourself by figuring out what your strengths can add to others and to our world. To accomplish this, you have to keep your eyes open. There are opportunities to get beyond ourselves all around us. We just have to be aware. We have to listen. One of the best ways to get beyond yourself is to look around at what bothers you about our world. Then figure out what you can do about it.

“One of the funniest cartoons I have ever seen showed two men sitting at the base of a tree. One says, ‘Sometimes I think I might just go ask God why he doesn’t do anything about all the bad stuff happening.’ The other responded, ‘Why don’t you?’ To which the first replied, ‘I’m always afraid he might ask me the same question.’”

Sam and the PROFESSOR both laughed at this. The PROFESSOR continued, “You need to understand one more aspect of getting beyond yourself. What you do doesn’t always have to be big. It doesn’t have to be on a grand scale. It doesn’t have to be about the whole world. It may just be about one person. Do not be paralyzed thinking you cannot do anything about world hunger; find a person to feed. Do not be overwhelmed thinking about all the children who don’t have great parents; find a child to whom you can be a great father. It might even just be your own child. This is going beyond yourself.”

“Ok,” Sam wanted to sum up what he had heard so far. “I SHALL be the best me I can be by breaking the mold, forgetting others’ prophecies and then pursuing my strengths and my passions, doing the next right thing and apologizing when I blow it. Then I SHALL go beyond myself by using my strengths and my passions to give of myself to others, namely my family and my community.”

“That’s right,” the PROFESSOR nodded, pleased Sam was retaining so much. “Here is some more homework for you.”

(Come back next week as Sam learns “You SHALL Prioritize.”)

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Page 1 of 212 »

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