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How to Avoid the #1 Communication Mistake that Destroys Relationships

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It happened again. You didn’t mean to say anything. You knew it would blow everything up. But someone had to do something. Someone had to man up and put so and so in his/her place. You were the only one with the guts to do it. You hated to hurt feelings, but someone had to say out loud what everyone else was thinking. And now, it’s all over but the crying. It doesn’t matter who is the other person in this scenario, husband, wife, child, parent, brother, sister, church-member, co-worker, employee, boss. It’s now a mess. The emotional mess is all over the place. There is psychological blood running on the floor. And now you wish you hadn’t said it, but you just didn’t know what to do. Someone had to say something. The question is did they have to say what you did?

Let’s talk about that.

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Avoid a Backup in Your Relationship Septic System

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So, last Thursday night, our exchange daughter, Viktoria, came out of the bathroom. “Edwin, you need to see this!” The shower stall was filled with water backed up from a clogged drain, the sink was filling up  as well, and the toilet was leaking water from underneath the base.  Oh, great! Yep, you guessed it. Blocked up septic system. The septic guy came out Friday morning, cleaned it out, and said we should think about using different toilet paper. I got to thinking about how this mirrors a lot of troubled relationships.

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The #1 Cultural Setback to a Biblical Family in America

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No doubt there are numerous cultural setbacks to having a biblically based family here in America. We could talk about entertainment and the media. They’ve definitely caused a setback. We could talk about prosperity and materialism. That is killing American families. We could talk about the sexual revolution since the 60s. Wow! I’m sure it shocks you that I don’t think that one is the #1. But I was thinking about Proverbs 31 the other day and the #1 cultural setback became crystal clear to me. It may surprise you.

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5 Keys for Creating Great Memories with Your Kids

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Racquetball! What a game. I remember playing with my Dad as a kid and then on up into my teen years. Neither one of us was that good, but we had fun. So when I recently learned of a nearby gym that had a racquetball court, I jumped at it. The deciding factor was not that I’m trying to lose weight or need exercise. The deciding factor was that I want to create memories with my kids. One day, I want them to say, “Racquetball! I love racquetball. I used to play that with my dad.” On Tuesday night, I started creating those memories with my boys.

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Another Reason I Love God

discipline by Ken Wilcox. 200x300 Another Reason I Love God

I was humbled last night. I don’t know whether to make this post a family post because it had to do with my relationship with my kids or to make it about our individual spiritual lives because it taught me about my relationship with God. I’ll just tell you the story and let you draw your own conclusions.

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Overcoming the Top 2 Difficulties in Parenting

Dads hand by BuckDaddy 225x300 Overcoming the Top 2 Difficulties in Parenting

The top 2 difficulties in parenting…what are they? Well, today, for me they are:

  1. Competition with other parents
  2. Controlling my kids rather than leading them

Yes, these are problems and this morning I read a passage in Changes That Heal Overcoming the Top 2 Difficulties in Parenting by Dr. Henry Cloud* that helped me face them and push me to overcome. Check it out.
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A Great Way to Make Sure Your Family Studies the Bible Together

family table by Guitarfool5931 300x200 A Great Way to Make Sure Your Family Studies the Bible Together

I know this may shock you, but my family and I have a terrible struggle with keeping a scheduled family Bible study and prayer time. We’ve learned all kinds of great ways to study and pray together. I’ve written about one of my favorites on this blog. But despite how inspiring some of these methods are, we get them started, do well for a while, and then it falls off. The struggle is often with making the schedules work. I don’t have a set schedule. I’ll have meetings come up or studies come up or I’ll have to go out of town. Or maybe something comes up for Marita or the kids. It gets in the way of our Bible study and prayer schedule and then, after a few misses, the habit is broken. A few weeks or months later, we are convicted about our lack of devotion and we get back on the family Bible study bandwagon feeling all kinds of shame and guilt.

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The Top 5 Things to Say to Your Kids When You Get Home

child architect by Sebastian Anthony 300x200 The Top 5 Things to Say to Your Kids When You Get Home

They have been patiently waiting for you to come home. They can’t wait to see you. You are their Dad, their leader. They want to be like you. They want you to love them. Those first few moments through the door will mean so much. So, here are my top 5 things you can say to them when you walk through the door. Try some tonight and let us know how it works.

#1. I love you.

Does this actually need explanation? We walk through the door, tired, exhausted and we forget that our kids need this affirmation all the time. Run up to them like they are the greatest person in the world, give them a hug and say, “I love you.”

#2. I missed you today, I’m so glad to see you.

Your kids are desperately glad to see you. Let them know the feeling is mutual. Let them know they are important to you. When my kids were 2, they would all come running up to me as I walked through the door like I was the most important person in the world to them. I want them to feel that same way every time I walk through the door.

#3. What happened in your world today?

Don’t be so caught up in your own world that you forget about your kids. Ask them about their day. Then listen without judgment. Get down on their level. Sit down with them on the couch. If they are still small enough, let them sit in your lap. Look them in the eye and then listen intently. Rejoice about whatever they are rejoicing. Weep about whatever they are weeping.

#4. What can we do together tonight?

Spend some time with them. Let them know you want to spend time with them. Spend some time doing what they want. Do they want to throw the football, do it. Do they want to have a play teatime, do it. Do they want to put together a puzzle, do it. I know you may not be able to do this every night. But do it some time. Do it regularly.

#5. Do you know why I love you?

This is one of my favorite things to ask my kids. Certainly, you might answer this with reasons of your own. “I love you because you’re cute.” “…you are funny.” “…you are fun.” But, I don’t like these answers because it suggests if they ever think they aren’t cute, funny, fun or whatever that you won’t love them anymore. Instead, I tell my kids, “I love you because you’re you.” I tell my kids, “I love you because you’re Trina.” “I love you because you’re Ryan.” “I love you because you’re Ethan.” “I love you because you’re Tessa.” As long as they are who they are, I’ll love them. One of the most precious moments in my life was when two-year-old Trina said, “You know why I love you?” “Why?” “I love you cuz you Daddy.” Can’t beat that.

I know you’re tired when you get home. I know you want to slink off into your man cave. I know you want to slip away into a world of televised escape. But first, say something to your kids. Let them know how important they are to you. By the way, don’t forget you are also coming home to your wife. Click here for some things you can say to her.

Maybe I missed something you’ve found that is great to say to your kids when you get home. What do you say to your kids when you get home? You can add your input by clicking here.

How Does a Real Man Act? More Input From You Please

Raising a modernday knight How Does a Real Man Act? More Input From You Please

I’m really caught up in figuring out how to plan my boys’ training for the next few years. Having been inspired by Robert Lewis’s Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father’s Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood How Does a Real Man Act? More Input From You Please, I want to raise my boys up to be knights, in the ideal sense of the word.

Last week, you helped me give some consideration to a Vision of Manhood. What does a real man look like. Thanks for helping out with that. He looks like a servant who is devoted first to God, loves his wife, is committed, honest, sacrificial. You gave me some great help and provided the web world with some great info.

I need some more help. Lewis went on to get a little more specific. The Vision of Manhood is about over-arching concepts of manhood. He then provided a Code of Conduct that he and his buddies developed to pass on to their boys. He listed 10 things, but I don’t want to muddy your thinking with all 10. But I’ll give an example. One aspect of his code of conduct was “Kindness.” A real conducts himself in kindness.

So, within the vision of manhood that we are developing, what are some aspects of everyday conduct that you would teach a boy to help him become a man.

How does a real man conduct himself?

You can provide your input by clicking here. And again, thanks for your help.

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This page does contain affiliate links. Here’s another one. If you’d like to learn more about Lewis’s vision of manhood for his boys, make sure you check out his book. Click the link below.

What Is a Real Man? Help Me Out, Please

Raising a modernday knight What Is a Real Man? Help Me Out, Please

Last week I shared my book review of Robert Lewis’s Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father’s Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood What Is a Real Man? Help Me Out, Please. I am all kinds of excited about the ideas I’m getting because of reading this book.

However, as I start making plans for me and my boys, I don’t want to simply rely on one man’s assessment of manhood. I’d like to get your ideas also. I’ve got several questions I want to get your input on. Today I’ll start with just one.

In the book, Lewis suggests that we develop a vision of real manhood that we can pass on to our boys. What are the over-arching principles that govern how a real man lives?

Help me out here. In your mind, what is a real man?

Ladies, I’d like your help on this too. What kind of man do you look to as a true knight in shining armor?

I look forward to your help. You can give your input by clicking here.

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This post does contain affiliate links. If you’d like to learn more about Lewis’s vision of manhood for his boys, make sure you check out his book. Click the link below.

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