Comments for God's Way Works

Comment on 8 Steps to Study a Psalm by Jul

Jul — Thu, 10 May 2012 20:13:00 +0000

hello! thank you for nice way to think about psalm exegesis. its just limit of the language, doing this out of english instead of hebrew brings out some misunderstoods. but anyways thaks for taking this out! take care! Jul

Comment on A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men by Guest

Guest — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 19:01:00 +0000

I could not have accepted the above comment, much less written it, before being convinced that his draw to pornography is not due to something less than satisfactory about my person. I say “convinced”, as if it’s that easy. Perhaps I should say I “academically trust” that it’s not about what I’m not. Most of the time. When I make myself remember.

Comment on A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men by Guest

Guest — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 18:43:00 +0000

I benefit from the perspectives shared here. Thanks for your responses. I walk away from this conversation with some realizations.
I need to work on more matter of factly accepting, even perhaps expecting struggles with the eyes as part of being male. God gave a man this gift in his eyes, this ability to see his wife in a way that sky rockets her self esteem and gives her satisfaction in knowing that she has something for him no one else can give. I believe him when he says that looking outside of marriage is not as satisfactory and does not build him up in the way his own wife does, rather beats him down. That doesn’t mean the gift is at fault.
I need to focus more on where he and I are headed than on the bumps along the way. I can maybe anticipate the bumps, maybe even brace for them if the stretch of road looks to be really rough, but can trust that the bumps won’t still be jolting me around once we’re enjoying the destination. (…even if I remember the bumps… even if maybe a little sore.) And he needs to know that I don’t believe he’s actively setting his course and aiming for those bumps in the road (even if it sure seems like it sometimes). I know his big picture desires are in the right place.
Third, I can be aware, I can be proactive, I can be a loving teacher to other females around me, but I need to quit trying to see in every other woman, including my daughter, what I fear my husband might be seeing. Bad bad results.

Comment on 5 More Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants by EdwinCrozier

EdwinCrozier — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:57:00 +0000

Thanks, Rusty. I’m glad it was helpful.

Comment on 5 More Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants by Rusty

Rusty — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 12:53:00 +0000

This was exactly what I was looking for – a practical example of HOW to rely on God’s strength. Thanks for taking the time to put this together.

Comment on Don’t Take This Trip Alone by Edwin Crozier

Edwin Crozier — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 19:10:41 +0000

Thanks, bobsboy.

Comment on Don’t Take This Trip Alone by bobsboy

bobsboy — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 18:41:00 +0000

Refreshing perspective…
~a fellow patient

Comment on A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men by Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 20:04:00 +0000

Thanks, new Guest, for your chiming in. I appreciate you adding this side to the discussion and completely agree with the perspective. What helps me return again and again to God is knowing that He already knew my sins and loved me anyway. I know He’s not ever going to say, “You’ve gone to far, I don’t love you anymore, my Son’s death doesn’t count for you anymore.” He’s always going to welcome me back home.

I do want to make one slight modification. I don’t believe anyone has the power to make anyone else anything–except God. Certainly, our behavior can influence others. I don’t want my wife to believe that if I’m not a great person it is because she didn’t do something right. I also don’t want her to believe that my greatness is contingent on her doing everything right. We are both working on ourselves.

Comment on A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men by Guest

Guest — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 14:55:00 +0000

Let me reiterate that I intended for my comments to be understood in addition to, not instead of what was said above. Definitely confront him if he says or does anything at all that concerns you or makes you uncomfortable. Just make sure he knows without a doubt that you’re proud of who he is before you start discussing the difficult things.

Comment on A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men by Guest

Guest — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 14:39:00 +0000

I would add to Justin’s and Edwin’s comments that in my experience, and in the experience of every man with whom I’ve been able to discuss sexual temptation candidly, your husband is not unusual. Sadly, “a father with such history” would seem to describe the majority of fathers. What makes your husband different than most is not the fact that he struggles with sexual temptation, but the fact that he is brave enough to be open and honest with you about it.

I would never recommend that you or anyone condone sin or downplay its devastating effects, and I agree completely with Edwin that it is best to be overly cautious rather than not cautious enough. My guess is that your husband struggles more than he has told you.

However, what will motivate him more than anything to actually overcome this sin is prayer, an honest love for God, and your respect.

If I were your husband, I would be motivated more than ever to overcome after reading your first paragraph. You believe in him. He is your man. You admire him for being open about his struggles. You know that he’s determined to overcome. And you’re proud of him for helping another brother who is struggling. Are all those things true? Then tell him so. And keep telling him. Tell him how proud you are of him as many times each day as you wish he would tell you he loves you.

Most importantly, tell him those things when he messes up and when he comes to you for forgiveness and for help. That’s when he needs to hear those things most. You will be mad at him. You will be devastated that he’s messed up. But, if he is a good man deep down inside, then every single time he messes up, he’s just as devastated as you are. Just like when you’re upset and what you need most from your husband is to hear that he loves you no matter what, he needs to hear that you’re proud of him–for being a good man deep down inside–no matter what. That will encourage him to come to you more. That will make him want to be honest with you. He won’t want to hide things, he’ll want to make you proud.

What makes most men hide their struggles is fear that they’ll lose the respect of the people closest to them. That means you. You don’t respect the sin–at all–and you shouldn’t. But you do respect the man. You respect the fact that he is being open and honest with you. So tell him that part. Once he is assured that you respect him no matter what, then you two can discuss how devastated you are.

But be very careful about how and when you tell him how devastating the sin is to you, or else he will almost definitely start to reign in his openness. Men are strange creatures. We desperately want to make our wives proud. When they are not proud of us, it devastates us. So be careful not to criticize. He wants to know how you feel and what you think. He wants to hear how devastated you are by his sin because he desperately wants to quit and he knows that hearing how it hurts someone he loves will motivate him to quit. But before he can even begin to process any of that, he just needs to know without a doubt that you’re proud of him for who he is. Once he’s assured of that he’ll do anything he can to love you and take care of you.

I know that I wouldn’t even hesitate to share every thought, every feeling, every struggle with my wife if I knew that every time I do she’ll tell me she’s proud of who I am regardless of those thoughts, feelings, and struggles. When you two have that kind of relationship, you’ll be able to really work together to deal with any specific problems that may arise. He’ll be able to tell you if the laundry is a problem for him, because he won’t be afraid of you cringing. But, if he’s afraid that your first response will be telling him how disgusting he is, he’ll probably just keep it to himself, struggle with it alone, and most likely fail.

You have the power to make him a great man. The key is to be proud of him no matter what. Know that he is a normal man, and his struggles are normal. Be proud that he’s not content with just being normal.