(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned “You SHALL Be the Best You.” If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” and follow the successive links.)

You SHALL Bo Beyond Yourself

“You SHALL go beyond Yourself,” began the PROFESSOR.

“That sounds odd,” Sam interrupted, looking down at the business card again. “It seems to contradict your first statement. First, I’m supposed to be me, now I’m supposed to be more than me? I don’t get it.”

“Yes,” the PROFESSOR replied. “On the surface, they do seem to contradict. However, this statement does not mean we should be more than who we are. Our first SHALL is all about just being ourselves, this one is about thinking about more than ourselves.

“If I might moralize for a moment, I don’t think we are here just to get personal fulfillment out of life. Further, I do not think we get personal fulfillment out of life by seeking our own anyway. I do think we are here to add to our world. I do think we are here to help others be more and do more. The greatest fulfillment I have ever had is when I have given of myself to others.

“Have you ever seen the movie Mr. Holland’s Opus?”

“No,” Sam replied.

“Oh that is too bad,” the PROFESSOR responded. “I’m giving you another homework assignment, go home and watch that movie. Richard Dreyfuss plays the main character, Mr. Holland. At the beginning of it, he is a young musician planning to be famous. He is already working on a symphony that will make him rich. He takes a teaching job to pay the bills and support his composing until he finally hits the big time. At first, he hates teaching. He cannot stand the kids and, frankly, they can’t stand him either. Then his principal rebukes him, pointing out that his job is not just passing on information. It is also providing a compass in life for the kids.

“That starts a change. As the movie continues, he no longer views teaching as a means to get a paycheck so he can do his own thing. Rather, he focuses on the joy of helping the students have breakthroughs. There is more to the movie, but Mr. Holland’s journey is one of becoming a servant. When his work as a teacher ceases to be a self-serving way to make money and pay for his real dream and becomes an opportunity to serve others and make a difference, he really begins to write his own magnum opus.

“Toward the end of the movie, Mr. Holland’s school hits financial difficulties and cuts his department. He sums up his journey saying, ‘It’s almost funny. I got dragged into this gig kicking and screaming and now it’s the only thing I want to do…’

“I will not ruin the movie for you completely. However, this is what I mean by going beyond yourself. If your life is only ever about you, it will be miserable, no matter how much money you make or how far you go. However, if you go beyond yourself to give to others, helping them be more, you will find fulfillment and meaning in life.

“Why do you think Dave reaches out and gives his time to help people like you and me? He understands this point.

“As you think about what you are going to do and how you are going to approach it, it SHOULD not be just about you getting what you want. It SHOULD be about you giving to your family and to your community.

“Really, our society is amazing. We went from the 1960’s when a president who was considered part of the liberal political party told the nation, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country’ to the 1980’s when one of the most conservative of the conservatives ran asking the nation the all important question, ‘Are you better off than you were four years ago?’ We are close to 30 years beyond that now. Some suggest we are riding the pendulum back to a community and service mindset. I hope so. Nevertheless, Sam, if you simply strive to hoard to yourself, your life will be wasted. You SHALL go beyond yourself. You SHALL shamelessly give yourself to others.”

“So, what you’re saying is this:” Sam cut in, “if I really want to have a meaningful life and personal fulfillment, I need to give to others.”

“Yes and no. If you are only giving to others in order to have personal fulfillment, it will not work. That is manipulation and hypocrisy. No, do not give just to receive. Instead, learn to give of yourself to your family and your community simply for the sake of serving others, treating others the way you want to be treated simply because it is the Next Right Thing. If you do that, then, yes, you will have personal fulfillment and a meaningful life. Do not question me too deeply about it. I do not know why it works. I’m merely certain it does.

“You SHALL go beyond yourself by figuring out what your strengths can add to others and to our world. To accomplish this, you have to keep your eyes open. There are opportunities to get beyond ourselves all around us. We just have to be aware. We have to listen. One of the best ways to get beyond yourself is to look around at what bothers you about our world. Then figure out what you can do about it.

“One of the funniest cartoons I have ever seen showed two men sitting at the base of a tree. One says, ‘Sometimes I think I might just go ask God why he doesn’t do anything about all the bad stuff happening.’ The other responded, ‘Why don’t you?’ To which the first replied, ‘I’m always afraid he might ask me the same question.’”

Sam and the PROFESSOR both laughed at this. The PROFESSOR continued, “You need to understand one more aspect of getting beyond yourself. What you do doesn’t always have to be big. It doesn’t have to be on a grand scale. It doesn’t have to be about the whole world. It may just be about one person. Do not be paralyzed thinking you cannot do anything about world hunger; find a person to feed. Do not be overwhelmed thinking about all the children who don’t have great parents; find a child to whom you can be a great father. It might even just be your own child. This is going beyond yourself.”

“Ok,” Sam wanted to sum up what he had heard so far. “I SHALL be the best me I can be by breaking the mold, forgetting others’ prophecies and then pursuing my strengths and my passions, doing the next right thing and apologizing when I blow it. Then I SHALL go beyond myself by using my strengths and my passions to give of myself to others, namely my family and my community.”

“That’s right,” the PROFESSOR nodded, pleased Sam was retaining so much. “Here is some more homework for you.”

(Come back next week as Sam learns “You SHALL Prioritize.”)

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