If I could give you the #1 key to success in everything, would you take it? If I could provide you with the one principle that will help you excel in every aspect of your life, would you want it? I have discovered the one piece of advice that if it is the foundation of everything you do, it will guarantee the success of every aspect of your life. Would you like to hear it?

Now, don’t misunderstand, I’m not guaranteeing you will be a millionaire, own the house on the hill, or become President. I’m simply sharing the #1 key to success in every aspect of your life. It is the #1 key to finding happiness, contentment, joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction in every part of your life whether emotional, mental, fiscal, relational, or spiritual.

Enough already, you say, spit it out.

I found it in Psalm 128:1-4.

Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways!
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands;
you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you.

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots around your table.
Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Did you see it? Did you see the #1 key to success in every aspect of your life? Fear the Lord. Revere and respect Him. Make Him the center of everything you do. Make His will the guide for how you act in every aspect of your life.

The psalm presents three areas of success. First, “You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands.” That is, you will have success in your work. But when? When you fear the Lord and walk in His ways in your work. This doesn’t mean if you “go to church” on Sundays and put some money in the collection plate (though these things are part of fearing the Lord and walking in His ways). Rather, this is talking about how you conduct yourself in your work. Why do you do your job? Do you just do it to get paid? Do you just do it because you “have to”? How do you act on the job? Do you just behave because you fear your boss? Or because you fear getting fired?

The number #1 relationship you are dealing with on the job is not with your employer, employees, co-workers, or customers. The #1 relationship is with God. Are you working as for the Lord? Are you working in a way that pleases the Lord? Does the Lord’s will and Word govern how you behave on the job? When you respond to your employer, employees, co-workers, and customers not based on how much you respect them but based on how much you respect God and His will for you and them, then you will have success and fulfillment in your work. Then you will enjoy the fruit of your labor.

Then the psalmist says “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house.” Do you want your wife to be a fruitful vine? Wives, this can also apply to you with your husbands. The answer is not to figure out how to fix her. The answer is not to get up in her face with all your solutions for her life. The answer is to fear God. Revere Him. Revere His will for you and your marriage. Let’s face it, if your marriage is going to succeed or fall based on your respect for your spouse, things aren’t going to go so well. Few of us are so respectable that we can carry our marriages on our own. But, when you act based on your respect and reverence for God and His will in your life, you’ll work on your side of the street and your marriage will improve. The next time you have a disagreement with your spouse, don’t respond based on how they deserve. I have no doubt they don’t deserve a great response (just as you probably don’t). Instead, respond based on your reverence for God. Consider your respect for God and His will. Consider how God wants you to respond because you love and fear Him, not because you love or fear your spouse. You’ll be amazed how fulfillment and meaning and success can be added into your marriage when it is not simply based on a mutual respect for each other but rather based on a mutual respect for God.

Then the psalmist says, “Your children will be like olive shoots around your table.” Quit trying to figure out how to respond to your kids to get them to like you, agree with you, respect you. Start responding based on God’s will. Don’t try to manipulate the outcomes of how your children will turn out. Instead, simply do the next right thing. Decide how to treat them not based on your fear of how they will act or turn out. Instead, raise them based on your fear and reverence for God. What would God want you to do in whatever situation you find yourself in with your kids? Do that. You don’t have to read all the latest parenting manuals or be an expert in child psychology. Just get into the Word and treat your kids based on the principles found there. Then simply let the Lord do His work through His will.

These are just three examples. But the psalmist’s point is simply that the #1 key to success in everything is your relationship with God. Get that right, let everything else flow from that relationship, and you will have success, fulfillment, meaning in every aspect of your life.

Let’s start working on our relationship with God first and then let that fix everything else we are doing. Let’s start that this week.

(If you landed on this post without seeing the others in this series, let me explain what is going on here. Thursdays is my day to talk about God’s way for our congregations. Right now I’m in the middle of a series on the Jerusalem church and it’s success. This is the twelfth post in the series. I encourage you to check out the introduction to this series to know more about what is going on and to find an index of the posts in this series as they are put up. Enjoy.)

The Jerusalem Church was Devoted to God

The first great key of Jerusalem’s success was why they were even gathering together as a church to begin with. They were gathering because they were devoted to God. What they did was about God, not about themselves.

They didn’t gather for entertainment. They didn’t gather for social recreation. They didn’t become a part of the church for social status. If they did, they wouldn’t last long. Pretty quickly, the church was going to lose its social standing. Persecution would begin and being a Christian would no longer be popular or cause increased favor with the people. These Christians didn’t stay with the church because of its felt-needs based ministries. They didn’t stick around because of what it provided for their kids. These folks were part of this church because they were devoted to God.

On the day of Pentecost, they had been convicted that they crucified the Messiah. In that moment, they were left hopeless, helpless, and despairing. They cried out, “Brothers, what shall we do?” That wasn’t simply a logical question asking, “What must I do to be saved?” That was a despairing cry. “What on earth can we do? We’re doomed.” But surprisingly, Peter had an answer. “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

Can you imagine the shock among the Jews who understood what Peter meant. They could actually receive the gifts promised by the Holy Spirit through their father Abraham. They hadn’t destroyed their hope of salvation through the Messiah after all. Perhaps they had misunderstood what the Messiah intended to bring. Perhaps they had misunderstood what the Messiah really was. But they hadn’t lost all hope. God had provided a way.

No doubt, their devotion to God was born in the midst of this realization. If God had done this for them, despite their having nailed God’s Messiah to a cross and asked for his blood to be on their heads, to whom else would they want to offer loyalty and devotion?

Their Devotion Demonstrated

The devotion of these Jerusalem Christians was demonstrated in four ways.

#1 The Jerusalem Christians were devoted to the doctrine of God; they were devoted to the apostle’s teaching.

It may be hard for us to imagine. Over the past 50 years, since the advent of television, we have become so entertainment oriented and emotionally driven. These Christians did not gather around the apostles because of their wonderful speaking style. They didn’t congregate to hear the apostles because of their comedic timing or their oratorical presence. They gathered to hear the doctrine the apostles would teach. They gathered to hear what God wanted them to do as expressed by the mouthpieces of Jesus Christ.

As the apostles once told Jesus, “To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (Luke 6:68), these disciples knew the apostles were speaking words of life on the Lord’s authority. Where else would they go?

No doubt there is a place for entertainment. Even Jesus used entertainment as an illustration (Luke 7:32). But if we really want to have the success of the Jerusalem church, we have to be devoted to God’s will and God’s word. We need to devote ourselves to hearing it. We need to devote ourselves to accomplishing it. Why? Because God’s way works.

We need to be a thinking, reasoning people, who consider the teaching of the Lord. We need to be people who weigh the words of those who would speak on God’s behalf. We must not follow the path of our culture becoming mere passive receptacles of other men’s ideas that have been foisted upon us with emotionalism and oratorical skill.

Granted, in our entertainment based society, we may be able to produce churches with 10,000 members through our ability to entertain them. However, if we want to create disciples devoted to God, we have to focus them on the apostle’s doctrine. Otherwise, the church may look like Jerusalem on the roll book, but the members won’t look like Jerusalem Christians in their hearts.

#2 The Jerusalem Christians were devoted to God’s people; they were devoted to fellowship.

The Jerusalem Christians came from their own backgrounds. This was spiritually the opposite of the Tower of Babel. In that day, a people with a common goal were divided because of varying languages. On Pentecost, people divided by their languages were brought together by a common goal. This means the individuals had their own lives, their own livelihoods, their own plans and purposes. However, on Pentecost all of that was superseded by their desire to have forgiveness in Christ. Suddenly that meant a change in their community.

Now, instead of being Parthian Jews, Median Jews, Elamite Jews, Mespotamian Jews, and so on, they were disciples of Jesus Christ. They had a new community. They had a new sense of belonging. They got their identity from a new group. This was going to engender new traditions, new ways of thinking, new values, and especially new friends (or perhaps I should say new family).

Please do not be misled by the modern idea of fellowship. When we hear fellowship we immediately jump to potluck suppers and pick-up games of basketball. The Jerusalem church didn’t build a hall for recreation and call it fellowship. No, we see their fellowship in Acts 2:44-45. They were one now and they cared for each other as one. They were a community and they had all things in common. Some Christians even went so far as to sell their own land to care for Christians in need. Why not? They were family. Though, no doubt these sellers were local and the needy were likely from faraway lands, separated from their livelihood, they saw each other as “one of us.”

Further, we some sense of fellowship accomplished together as a congregation. They met in the temple daily with one another, praising God. That is, they jointly participated as a congregation in the work and worship of the Lord. But we also see some sense of fellowship that was not accomplished together as a congregation but pursued outside the congregational setting because they were members of the same community. They met in each other’s homes, eating together and continuing their praise of God together.

If we want to have the Jerusalem success, we have to learn this devotion to God’s people.

#3 The Jerusalem Christians were devoted to God’s mercy; they were devoted to the breaking of bread.

This is not saying the Jerusalem Christians were devoted to eating. This is not reference to what was going from house to house, taking their meals. No, this was the first reference to “the bread that we break” (I Corinthians 10:16). This refers to the Lord’s Supper. The Jerusalem Christians were devoted to this memorial.

Of course they would be. What better object of devotion than the greatest reminder of God’s love and mercy. These folks had become disciples, but they hadn’t become perfect. They were growing, but they still made mistakes and sinned. They needed a continual reminder of God’s mercy and love for them. They found that in the breaking of bread, the communion.

Each week (yes, I do believe they practiced this weekly), the Christians were reminded of their Savior. What special significance must this memorial have had for these Jewish disciples who had cried out, “His blood be on us and on our children!” (Matthew 27:25). They had meant one thing, but their request was being fulfilled in a completely different sense. They had meant it in violence and reproach, but for these, God was fulfilling it in reconciliation and glory. What special significance must this memorial have had for those few who had actually witnessed the sacrifice. They had seen the body given for them, the blood of the new covenant shed for their forgiveness.

When they partook they remembered what brought them together. It was not their ancestry. It was not their works. It was not their nationality. It was their Savior. They were sinners who needed God’s mercy, so they gathered together devoted to the God who offered it to them.

The Lord’s Supper must never simply be an “act of worship” to check off the list. It is not a sporadic celebration on annual “holy days.” It is a continual memorial. We must be devoted to it. If we let that memorial slip into the background of what we do as a church, we will lose sight of the very thing that makes us a church. We will lose sight of the very reason we are gathered together. We will lose sight of the very need that keeps us turning to Christ. If we will have the success of the Jerusalem church we must be devoted to God’s mercy, we must be devoted to the breaking of bread.

#4 The Jerusalem Christians were devoted to God’s power; they were devoted to prayer.

The Jerusalem Christians understood where real strength was. They understood where the power of forgiveness and victory resided. It resided in God. They were devoted to having God work in them and through them. Therefore, they were devoted to prayer.

Let me ask you, when you hear “devoted to prayer,” does that sound like they got together and did several different things but they always had an opening and a closing prayer? No doubt prayer was a center piece of all that they did. The 120, who had been waiting on the coming of the Holy Spirit, had laid the ground work for this. According to Acts 1:14, they were devoting themselves to prayer with one accord. What does that sound like to you? Does it sound like minutes in prayer or hours? Does it sound like prayer was something they did on occasion in their meetings or does it sound like they had entire meetings just for it.

Sadly, few churches today either understand or truly believe in the power of God and the importance of prayer. Most churches spend more time making announcements than they do praying together. But not Jerusalem. They were devoted to prayer. Their leaders were devoted to prayer. In Acts 6, the apostles refused to take charge of the widow’s care because it would hinder their praying. Wow! How would that go over today?

According to Ephesians 3:20-21, God will do far more abundantly than all we ask or think by His power working in us. But do we realize what that means? It means we need to ask and think big. Prayer must be one of our main devotions if we wish to have the success of the Jerusalem church. Through it we understand that our success is not dependent upon us but upon the strength of God.

The Jerusalem church was strong and successful. But that isn’t indicated by their numbers or their programs. That was indicated by their devotion. They were no whitewashed tombs. They were devoted to God, devoted to His will, His people, His mercy, and His power. If we will have their success we must learn to mirror their devotion.

————————————–

Come back next Thursday as we dig in depth into Jerusalem’s unity.

Dan Miller, author of “48 Days to the Work You Love” and “No More Mondays” and the force behind 48days.com,  is one of my reading and listening mentors. That is, I read his books and listen to his podcast as often as I can. I even had lunch with him once, since he is a local of Franklin, Tennessee. I love to hear his ideas and gain insight from his experience. He is definitely one of my inspirations for going ahead and publishing my first secular, self-help book, “Getting to Did.”

Dan recently read “Getting to Did,” and here is some of what he said.

“Today I had a last minute lunch meeting cancellation so I grabbed your book as I headed out to eat lunch by myself.  I started through and just kept reading until I finished.  The waitress joked with me that they were charging me by the minute.  Anyway – what a great read.  Obviously, your message was a home run with me – so many people I see get stuck somewhere along the path you describe.”

“Getting to Did” tells the story of Sam, a middle-aged man who just lost his job and sees his world falling apart. He keeps hitting one roadblock after another until his neighbor, Dave, takes him under his wing, introduces him to three new mentors, and teaches him how to get rid of his big “but.” If you’ve lost a job, are looking for a job, are trying to figure out what your life is going to be about, or simply want to improve how you do your present work, Sam’s new mentors can help you out. They can help you turn your Couldas to Cans, your Shouldas to Shalls, your Wouldas to Wills, and get rid of your big but.

Dan Miller recommends the book to his clients. He also wrote: “I just sent my copy to a client I’m working with right now…” Now I’m recommending this book for you.

If you haven’t checked out “Getting to Did,” you can actually read it for free, right here on my website. Start here. Or you can go to my webstore and get your very own copy to write in and reference.

Order yours today!

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I can’t help but be in awe of the Jerusalem church. They started on the day of Pentecost with nearly 3000 members (Acts 2:41). Then they just kept growing from there. According to Acts 4:4, the number of men came to be about 5000. That means they could have more than 10,000 members by the time you count wives, unmarried women, widows, and children. In Acts 5:14-16, we learn that multitudes of men and women continued to be added to the church and they were influencing folks from the surrounding towns. In Acts 6:7, we see that even some of the priests (who were often Sadducees) were becoming Christians. What tremendous growth they had.

Of course, we know about the persecution that took place in Acts 8:4 scattering everyone except the apostles. However, by the time Paul visited Jerusalem in Acts 21:20, the church was in the thousands again.

The church was so strong that they were able to send brethren to help out in other congregations even after the persecution started. In Acts 8:14, Peter and John were sent to help the Christians in Samaria. In Acts 11:22, they sent Barnabas to help strengthen the fledgling church in Antioch.

In Acts 4, we see them face down the beginnings of persecution. In Acts 6 we see them over come potential division. In Acts 15, we see them lead the way to unity between Jewish Christians and Gentile Christians.

Jerusalem is definitely a model for us. But what did they actually do? Is there anything we can actually emulate? Can we be what they were? I think we can. We simply need to examine their work on a very practical level. Sadly, few churches today ever become what Jerusalem was because few of us do what they did. Sure, we teach what they taught. But sometimes we avoid the very practical way in which they conducted their work and so we limit the growth and success we can have.

Over the next several Thursdays (I haven’t figured out how many yet), I’d like to examine the Jerusalem church and see what made it successful and what didn’t. I hope this can spark some great discussion for us as we strive to be what God wants us to be as individual Christians and as congregations.

Remember, God’s way works.

Index of Posts

Introduction

What Didn’t Make it Work–Miraculous Gifts

What Didn’t Make it Work–Times Were Different Then

The Jerusalem Vision–An Exemplary Church, not a Mother Church

The Jerusalem Vision–One More Member, not 10,000 members

The Jerusalem Vision–Every Hand Working, not Enough Hired Hands

The Jerusalem Vision–Enough Workers, not 12 Evangelists

The Jerusalem Vision–Close-knit Family, not a Corporation

The Jerusalem Vision–Personal Sacrifice, not Communism

The Jerusalem Vision–Problem Solving, not Problem Free

The Keys to Their Success–Summary and Overview

The Keys to Their Success–Devoted to God

The Keys to Their Success–One Heart and One Soul

The Keys to Their Success–The #1 Reason a Congregation Needs Unity

The Keys to Their Success–4 Keys to Congregational Unity

The Keys to Their Success–The 3 Internal Problems Churches Face

Ladies and Gentleman,

I am proud to announce that despite several obstacles that have put us off schedule several times over the past few months, I finally got to did and “Getting to Did” is available for sale. Check it out and purchase your copy today.

This book is a bit different from my norm. It is my first secular, self-help book. If your world seems to be crumbling, learn along with Sam how to put it back together. If you know someone who is about to start their trek in the “real world,” this will make a great gift.

Just click the book and be transported to the webstore to buy this great guide for getting things done.

Feel free to review the book for free. I’ve blogged this book for you for free. Check it out here. If it helps you, buy the hard copy to keep with you, mark up, and re-read again and again.

Have a great day!

Edwin

Now available for Kindle

This post does contain affiliate links.

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found the final installment of my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the previous installment, Sam had his very first YES MEN Council Meeting. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Sam’s Rebuilt World

Sam continued with his plans. He turned his COULDAS into CANS, his SHOULDAS into SHALLS and his WOULDAS into WILLS. He got rid of his big BUT. He was consistently able to GET TO DID.

Don’t misunderstand. His life was no bowl of cherries. He had struggles. He had ups and downs. Some days, weeks and years were worse than others. He had times when he considered throwing in the towel. His YES MEN council helped him through those days.

In time, his business expanded. He employed others and eventually trained managers to start extensions of his company in neighboring cities. He began to write do-it-yourself manuals that he sold online providing residual income beyond his own personal landscaping work.

Sam began to teach these principles to his family, friends and employees. He was convinced that the more people he could help GET TO DID, the better his community would be. Sam found himself a part of several YES MEN councils. One of his greatest pleasures was seeing someone else GET TO DID.

He continued to celebrate his successes with his council. He even became a trusted advisor for each of these people who had been a help to him.

To each person he taught, he explained that the specifics in their life would differ. They SHOULD follow their own life’s course. But the principles would be the same, whether they started a business, found a job or just needed help with a particular project.

Sam’s biggest desire today is propagating the GETTING TO DID message as far and wide as possible. He is asking you to help. Don’t hoard this message. GO BEYOND YOURSELF and share it with others.

This is the end of Sam’s story.

Hopefully, it is the beginning of yours.

(Thanks for going on this journey with me. I hope you have enjoyed Sam’s story. I hope you have been helped. Please, pass the message on to others. Invite them to this blog. Better yet, let them know about the book. It will be published and for sale in October 2009.)

Now Available for Kindle!

This post does contain affiliate links.

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam wrapped up with the COACH. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Sam’s First YES MEN Council Meeting

It was an exciting day for Sam. He was having his first real YES MEN council meeting. He was going to meet with Dave, his TRAINER, his PROFESSOR, his COACH and, as agreed, his WIFE. They were meeting, of course, at The Early Bird.

After introducing Susan to the rest of the council and vice versa, Sam said, “Well guys, I don’t know exactly how one of these meetings SHOULD be run. However, I’m sure none of you wants to sit here all day. Let’s get this meeting moving forward.”

Dave said, “Before we get to your items of business. I just want to find out what you have learned from my three friends.”

“Wow,” Sam responded, “I’ve learned so much from you all. Answering that question could keep us here for hours. I WILL sum it up. The fact is, you have taught me to get rid of my big BUT and live without regrets.

“The TRAINER has taught me how to turn my COULDAS into CANS. I have learned that I can’t do EVERYTHING, but I can do ANYTHINGG.”

Sam pulled out the card he had laminated so it would stand up to his constant referral.

Sam continued, “The PROFESSOR has helped me remove the heavy burden from my SHOULD-ers and turned my SHOULDAS into SHALLS. Three SHALLS in fact.”

Sam pulled out another laminated card and placed it on the table.

As the council members smiled, Sam went on. “The COACH taught me how to stay motivated and turn my WOULDAS into WILLS. In great football COACH fashion, he taught me how to always Make the PLAY.”

With a flourish, Sam produced one more laminated card and laid it beside the other two.

“In short,” Sam concluded, “you all have taught me how to GET TO DID. And I am so excited to tell you about what I have already done…DID.”

At this point, Dave jumped in. “Before you tell us that, I have one more lesson for you. It is the final lesson that gets you from COULDA, SHOULDA and WOULDA to CAN, SHALL and WILL. It removes all that excess flab from your big BUT. It GETS TO DID.”

“What else can there be?” Sam questioned.

“JUST DID IT,” Dave replied.

“Don’t you mean ‘Just Do It’?,” Sam asked perplexed, a feeling he had gotten used to throughout this entire learning process.

“No. That’s the Nike slogan. This is our final lesson. JUST DID IT. All the planning, counseling and motivating only GETS TO DID when you actually DID IT. After we leave this meeting, you have to go out and do it or, as we like to say, DID IT. We say it that way because speaking in the past tense demonstrates our commitment to making our goals realities and points out that until we actually DID IT, we haven’t accomplished anything.

“I am excited for you, Sam, and you, Susan. No matter what choices you make from this point on, whether they’re the choices I would make or not, if you’re following these principles, you’re going to have a new life. We are here to help you GET TO DID. Now, what did you want to share with us about your plans?”

For the next hour, Sam shared his plans with his council. He had decided to press on with his plans to start his own landscaping business. He explained how he was going to be able to start out without incurring any debt and then progress over the next five years to bigger and bigger business. He had even worked out a plan for hiring workers and then managers as his business grew. He talked about how he was going to grow his clientele through direct mail marketing, which he had used successfully as a salesman. Sam’s PASSION oozed for an hour.

The council listened intently. Dave, the TRAINER, the PROFESSOR and the COACH were excited for Sam and thought about how meaningful it was that they had been a part of helping a man who had felt defeated and desperate become the man who sat before them speaking with excitement and confidence. Susan, also listening intently, was excited to see such new life in her husband and was also excitedly thinking about the journey she could see stretching out before her as she learned to GET TO DID along with Sam.

When Sam was finished, the YES MEN plied him with questions to clarify his vision, gave him advice and then offered some practical help.

Dave, having seen how Sam manicured his own lawn, was willing to hire Sam as his landscaper on the spot. He even expressed that when Sam’s business had grown enough to cover the work and the contract was up with his, Dave’s, present lawn maintenance crew at his apartments and restaurants, he would let Sam bid on those jobs as well.

The PROFESSOR said she would put a word in for Sam when the university worked on the next year’s budget for landscaping. She told him to start working up his proposal.

The COACH said, “Hey, I’m living on a teacher’s salary. I have to cut my own grass. However, I know some people that might be interested. I WILL let them know.”

All in all, Sam’s first council meeting was a raging success. Sam and Susan left the meeting ready to get to work and ready to GET TO DID.

(Come back next Thursday for the final installment of “Getting to Did” and see how these lessons turned Sam’s life around.”

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This post does contain affiliate links.

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about YES MEN. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Wrapping Up with the Coach

As Sam looked up from the paper, the COACH asked, “What do you think, Sam?”

“This is great,” replied Sam excitedly, “I’m on fire. I CAN Make the PLAY right now on sheer PASSION alone. You, however, have helped me realize it won’t always be like this. I have to be prepared for those moments when I don’t feel like Making the PLAY. I need to LOOK TO THE FUTURE, thinking in the big picture to stay motivated even when I’m not on fire about what I am doing at the moment. I must ACCEPT NO EXCUSES but face up to my responsibilities and push on to success. Finally, I need to get a council of YES MEN who’ll push me where and when I need to be pushed.”

“You’ve got it. Any questions?”

“Yeah, WILL you be one of my YES MEN?”

The COACH grabbed Sam’s hand and shook it, saying, “I thought you’d never ask. How about we go grab a bite of lunch and have our first YES MEN council meeting?”

“Sounds great,” Sam said. As he walked to the COACH’S car, he looked again at the card the COACH had given him.

*****

Sam was so excited as he shared what he learned with Susan she could not make even one objection to what he had to say. To Sam’s pleasant surprise, when he finished his ecstatic description, she said, “I WILL be happy to let you follow whatever course you think you SHOULD on two conditions.”

“Really? What are they?” Sam asked.

“First, let me be one of your YES MEN and keep me informed about what’s going on. Second, let me live by the same principles.”

“That’s awesome, as long as you promise to really be a YES MAN or perhaps I should say, YES WOMAN. I don’t mind if you keep me in reality, but will you be willing to dream with me and make those dreams realities?”

“I’ll put it this way,” Susan responded thoughtfully, “I don’t think I am as far down this GETTING TO DID path as you. But I promise to keep walking it with you.”

Sam jumped up and kissed his wife. It had been a while since they shared a kiss quite like that one.

(Come back next week to see Sam set up his Getting to Did Council and moves on with success in his life.)

Now Available for Kindle!

This post does contain affiliate links.

(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about Accepting No Excuses. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

YES MEN

After reading the questions on the paper, he asked, “Okay, I get the PASSION, LOOKING TO THE FUTURE, and ACCEPTING NO EXCUSES. But what is up with this YES MEN thing? I’ve always hated that.”

The COACH responded, “Yeah, Dave told me you were already upset about that one. The normal connotation of YES MEN is dreadful. We don’t want people who just always say, ‘Yes,’ even when they disagree in order to get on our good side. That, however, is not what I mean by YES MEN. We want people who will challenge our thinking and expand our vision.

“These YES MEN are people with whom you surround yourself to encourage you and hold you accountable. They are the people who tell you, ‘YES, you CAN,’ when you are thinking, ‘No, I can’t.’ They tell you, ‘YES, you SHALL,’ when you are thinking, ‘No, I shall not.’ They tell you, ‘YES, you WILL,’ when you are thinking, ‘No, I won’t.’

“Your YES MEN are your accountability partners. Dave and I get together regularly along with the TRAINER and the PROFESSOR to act as each other’s YES MEN. Further, we get together with many of the other people we have helped along the way.

“I hope you don’t think it’ll be a cake walk from this point on. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve had this conversation with who end up settling for mediocrity in their lives. They don’t step up to the plate. When you talk to them today, they’ve just grown their big ol’ BUTS back again. Without fail, each one started back into their old habits of COULDA, SHOULDA and WOULDA by neglecting their relationship with their YES MEN.

“As you pick out your YES MEN, don’t pick out the ones we often think of as YES MEN, the ones afraid to state their convictions and disagree when it’s necessary. They won’t help you. Pick the ones who’ll push you. Pick the ones who’ll force you to get up when you have fallen. Pick the ones who’ll question you and make you clarify your vision and your course of action. Pick the ones who’ll ACCEPT NO EXCUSES. But make sure to pick out YES MEN who are willing to say ‘YES, you CAN,’ even when no one else has before.

“When you have established your council of YES MEN, be completely open and honest with them. Let them know your plans, dreams and visions. Let them know the obstacles you see and the struggles you face. Let them know your fears. Then listen respectfully to their advice. Remember, it’s just that, advice. You SHOULD still be you and you must make your final choices. Good YES MEN will ACCEPT NO EXCUSES from you, not even, ‘I did what you YES MEN said I SHOULD.’

“Here are the benefits of YES MEN. First, two heads are better than one. Even with all of your INSIGHT into your work and life, it’s still hard to read the label when you’re inside the bottle. It’s always good to get advice and counsel from others with differing perspectives.

“Second, you’ll be surprised how often your network of YES MEN can actually help you with your projects in practical ways by connecting you with others or with needed resources. For instance, when I first started working with this high school, you may remember the team had maintained a losing record for several years. The school board had cut the budget. We were in desperate need of new equipment and didn’t have the funds.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that,” Sam said. “I remember little Sam complaining about some of the outdated and dilapidated equipment. One of the local sporting goods stores stepped in and made some donations didn’t it?”

“That’s right. What you don’t know is those donations came because I laid out my troubles to my YES MEN council. The TRAINER had a connection with the upper crust at that store. Dave had an accountant friend who explained the tax advantages of making such a donation. Voilà, our equipment issues were resolved.

“The third benefit from YES MEN is they help pick you up when you fall down. Before I moved here, I had an experience so devastating I was ready to throw in the towel. I had made a few mistakes in my first head coaching job. Instead of letting me learn from them and grow, one of my assistant coaches, a man I thought was a friend, went behind my back to get me ousted so he could have the job. It was my introduction to another aspect I hate about this job—school politics. I was down and the ref had counted to 9. That was when Dave really came into my life. He had been my landlord for a few years. One day he was just checking out his property and struck up a conversation with me. I guess I needed someone to talk to because I just opened up to him like he was my best friend. He taught me about GETTING TO DID and ever since he has acted as my YES MAN, picked me up and helped me move on. I’m just going to tell you, you can’t replace that or manufacture it on your own.

“Fourth, maybe I think this because I’m such a people person, but life is just more fun when you’re sharing it with others. Your council of YES MEN gives you people to laugh and cry with. It gives you people to support and people who support you. It gives you people who will pat you on your back when you do well and kick you in the backside when you slack off. It just makes life more interesting and more fun.

“Finally, when it’s time to do battle and go toe to toe with the ones who’ll try to knock you down and keep you from reaching your goals, your YES MEN provide you with support and strength you WILL never have alone.

“My game is a game of YES MEN. I have yet to see the one man football team. No PLAY in my game is ever made by a single player. I never let my team forget that. We have to support each other, defend each other and bust heads for each other. In the end, I’m convinced there’ve been some games we won simply because we ‘YES we CANned’ each other through it.

“Here’s your final exercise. It’s pretty simple.”

(Come back next Thursday as the Coach wraps up with Sam.)

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(If you have stumbled across this post, you have found me blogging my upcoming book “Getting to Did: How To Lose Your Big But and Live a Life Without Regret.” In the last installment, Sam learned about Looking to the Future. If you need to catch up on the whole book, you can start with “Sam’s Crumbling World” which has an index of all the posts or you can follow the successive links.)

Accept No Excuses

“Alright we have talked about PASSION and LOOKING TO THE FUTURE. Now you must learn to ACCEPT NO EXCUSES,” the COACH began again. “Even the best laid plans get old from time to time and you just don’t want to follow through. This is an agreement issue. You have agreed to and committed yourself to a course of action. You must ACCEPT NO EXCUSES until you have followed through. We have to realize just about everything we do is a choice. You did not have to come here today; you chose to. You did not have to work your job for all those years; you chose to. You do not have to do anything about your situation right now; you are choosing to. EXCUSES are nothing more than blaming something or someone for our carelessness or wrong choices.

“Think of a few excuses you’ve made when you didn’t pull through like you were supposed to. Have you ever excused yourself for not coming through on a project by saying, ‘I’m sorry, I just didn’t have enough time’? What would you have said if the person questioning you had asked, ‘What did you spend your time doing instead of working on this project? Did you keep up with your favorite television show?’ Or have you ever fallen short and responded, ‘I’m sorry, I just forgot’? Why didn’t you act on it immediately or write it down? Do not tolerate EXCUSES from yourself. Listen, I’m not saying be a tyrant to everyone else. I’m telling you to hold yourself to higher standards and ACCEPT NO EXCUSES.”

Sam jumped in, “But aren’t there times when you really have a good EXCUSE?”

“No, there are never good EXCUSES. There are, at times, good REASONS. There is a difference. In a game, if one of my receivers gets the ball in his hands and drops it, he will be running laps. I ACCEPT NO EXCUSES for that. I don’t want to hear how wet the ball was or how he was distracted or how he forgot what pattern he was running. Those are all EXCUSES. I want to hear he caught the ball. On the other hand, if the quarterback throws it wild or if the defense just makes a good play, I don’t hold that over my receivers’ heads. Those are REASONS. Sometimes my team just gets outplayed on the field. If the other team’s defense was just making all the right moves and their offense was working tight, I can handle getting beat. That is a REASON for losing. On the other hand, if my guys were sloppy and not putting forth their best effort out there on the field, everything they will say in the locker room afterwards is just an EXCUSE. I don’t tolerate that sort of behavior from my football team or myself.

“There is another aspect of ACCEPT NO EXCUSES. No matter how much you plan, prepare and protect yourself, there are going to be some failures. I’m sure one of the others already told you this, however, the only people who never fail are the ones who don’t try anything. ACCEPT NO EXCUSES means when you fail you don’t duck out on your responsibilities. You don’t make up lame excuses to explain away your failure. Take a good long hard look at what you did and what obstacles you faced. Then find the REASONS you failed and try again, working to overcome those REASONS.  Use your failures as a springboard for future successes.

“At the same time, don’t think that ACCEPT NO EXCUSES means you have to beat yourself up every time you make a mistake. I remember one time when I learned I was doing this to myself. I missed a turn and the first thing out of my mouth was, ‘You idiot!’ But it struck me. I wasn’t an idiot. I’m actually a pretty smart guy. I just had my mind on other things and missed my turn. I did what all humans do. I made a mistake. Here was the great thing. I learned that day to make a u-turn and learn from my mistake to do better the next time. I ACCEPTED NO EXCUSES. I didn’t try to blame anyone else or anything else. I owned my own mistake and learned from it to do better the next time.

“If you’re going to COACH for very long, you have to do this. When I lose a game, I don’t get to say, ‘That’s it, I’m never playing that team again.’ In fact, I may have to play them again this year. That means I get out the video and go over the game, play by play, looking for mistakes and weaknesses. At the same time, I look for what worked. In other words, I find the REASONS we lost in order to fix what is broken before we play that team again. I ACCEPT NO EXCUSES. I certainly discipline my team for sloppy play, but I don’t beat them up or call them names for making mistakes. I encourage us all to own our responsibilities, to learn from the mistakes and move on.

“I imagine you encountered the need for this philosophy time and again in the sales world.”

“You know it. If there was ever anything that clued me in to know someone wasn’t going to cut it as a salesman, it was how they handled rejection,” Sam explained. “Some viewed it as a springboard, a place to learn. Some took it personally, thinking it meant they were failures. I’ll tell you what though, my best salesmen did not just use their failures as learning experiences. They would even review their successes with their co-workers and supervisors, looking at what worked and what may have almost been a hindrance.”

“You’re two steps ahead of me, Sam. If you’re going to grow, don’t just look at your failures, examine your successes. Is there anything you can do to make it work more smoothly? Was there something different about this team or that customer that made this approach work when it didn’t or wouldn’t work another time? Either way, you’re always working to rule out EXCUSES. You can’t Make the PLAY if you are always making EXCUSES for why you’re not making it, won’t make it or didn’t make it.

“This really cuts to the heart of the COULDAS, SHOULDAS and WOULDAS and your big BUTS. When we find ourselves saying those, we are usually making EXCUSES.”

“Now you’re making me feel small. I don’t know how many EXCUSES I’ve accepted throughout my life. When you put it like this, it makes perfect sense. I’m going to work on that,” Sam said thoughtfully. “Where’s my homework on this one?”

(Make sure you come back next week when the COACH teaches Sam about Yes Men.)

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